Is DH making a fool of me?

[Raspberry21]

My DH runs a business with another woman and they get on really well together. Because of the nature of the business, they are together most of the day and during the evening they're together entertaining clients. I hardly see him. I'm feeling very left out and jealous of the time he and the woman spend together. I've never met her. This has been going on for 5 months and I told him this weekend how miserable I am and the feelings of jealousy I've been suffering. He said he understood and that he loves me yet today, Easter Sunday, he's gone out to meet her to do some work in a local cafe.

I'm so upset. I think I want to leave him as I feel he's making a fool of me. Should I be more patient and stay or show some self-respect and go?

Could you happen to be outside when he comes back with her?

I've been in your situation, I really feel for you. In my case, it came to a head because I was pregnant and wanted him to focus on me (he increasingly ignored me). It turned out that he had an affair with the woman (she knew he was married with 2 kids and a pregnant wife).
I did turn up at the office one day, but he fobbed me off. There were always excuses, but mostly it was done along the lines of 'i'm making us so much money, don't you dare question how much I'm working Yabba yabba'.
In hindsight, I should have taken control sooner, and I hope you do too for your sake. It'll drive you insane otherwise, and will chip away at your self esteem.

Thanks weehedgehog for your advice and you're right about it chipping away at your self-esteem. I need to take control.

He's home

Your DH of 15 years refuses to let you be his fb friend? That is really weird for starters.

Yes Snowqueeny75, I always thought this was strange but I just assumed he didn't use it very much

Why did they have to go to a cafe ? Why not their office ? I hope you get the answers you need Op , get your mad up , you are his wife and to be excluded like this isn't right .

Weehedgehog, what happened. Did you leave your DH or stay?

Hi Op. It's time for you to stop seething and start getting angry at his utter disrespect of you. He has a wife at home looking after him, taking care of his kids and keeping his home life ticking over nicely. All his fun happens at work. He treats her like his equal and is going out of his way to make sure she doesn't find out about you.

I feel angry on your behalf. It's time you went mental at him and tell him to stop fooling you around. Stop acting so REASONABLE. Stop underreacting.

He has broken your trust by acting secretively around this woman. He has invested too much of his time which is family time into this business.
For me he would have to leave the business in order for me to continue the relationship with him. That would be non negotiatiable. It doesn't matter how difficult this might prove he has to choose you and your children over his business and this woman. As long as he is in business with her you will always worry what really is going on between them.

Good luck OP hope you get the answers you need

Wow, did the cafe stay open after 7pm?

are you okay OP

Yep. He’s shagging her.

I'm sorry OP this must be very painful for you. If you are ready for the truth then you need to start investigating and be prepared for the unexpected.

I hope you're having a serious talk with him Op.

The not allowing you to meet her combined with not making you a Facebook friend is definitely not acceptable.

Raspberry - we are getting divorced. It all became very obvious when I demanded time together i.e. 30 minutes a week. Given that I was heavily pregnant, and married to him, not too much to ask for. Instead, he chose to go on 'business trips' (turned out to NOT be business trips), 'team building nights out' (drinking with the OW) etc etc. It became clear he lost all respect for me, and couldn't care lessa bout me or in fact the kids. On the other hand, once we separated (I kicked him out), it was such a relief. I was devastated, but the worry about what he was up to and how to fix the marriage...all disappeared.

Time to get more strident OP.

When he announces his next intention to meet up outside the usual 9-5 mon-fri , just TELL him it's not convenient as you have a meeting/appointment and HE needs to look after his children.
Then LEAVE without a backwards look.
Nothing takes the shine off of an EA than 3 kids in tow.

Go out and tell him you are unable to divulge any details of where or who you are meeting until he learns to reciprocate.

Meanwhile, in office hours start making some spontaneous visits to his new business to see 'how he's getting on'

I haven't accepted my DH's FB friend request and we've been together 20 years. I am definitely not up to anything!

So ?

I imagine the shit has hit the fan ?

Op what line of work does he work in?! Surely none that's important enough to to be rushing out to a cafe at dinner time? Are you seeing any returns from his business adventure, do you think he's using it as a cover up? My DH is self employed and other than pubs/restaurants I cant see many other sectors opening on Easter Sunday...

Its strange he won't introduce her and why not work from home?

Probably has.

Aside from it possibly being an affair who the hell goes into BUSINESS with someone they just met? I'm wondering if it's actually an ex of his and op would recognise her - hence going to such lengths to ensure they don't meet?

This is so odd.

That’s odd. Sounds panicked. It’s a long weekend and it’s Easter - often things blow up on days like this because they’re special occasions and OW starts to feel a bit resentful at being second best. Was it planned at all? Or did he announce the need for them to meet quite suddenly? I really hope it’s innocent but even so, it sounds like you deserve more.