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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is DH making a fool of me?

151 replies

Raspberry21 · 01/04/2018 16:18

My DH runs a business with another woman and they get on really well together. Because of the nature of the business, they are together most of the day and during the evening they're together entertaining clients. I hardly see him. I'm feeling very left out and jealous of the time he and the woman spend together. I've never met her. This has been going on for 5 months and I told him this weekend how miserable I am and the feelings of jealousy I've been suffering. He said he understood and that he loves me yet today, Easter Sunday, he's gone out to meet her to do some work in a local cafe.

I'm so upset. I think I want to leave him as I feel he's making a fool of me. Should I be more patient and stay or show some self-respect and go?

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 01/04/2018 17:28

Some people putting 2 and 2 together and making 14 here. Working on Easter Sunday can't be that unusual and loads of cafes are open today- it's a major day in the tourism calendar. But I agree not introducing you is weird - I'd focus on that and ask for a proper explanation as to why he is being so cagey.

sockunicorn · 01/04/2018 17:28

@Raspberry21 My husband started a new business (albeit 12 years ago) but practically demanded I go into work with him to show him the office. Also, when he changed office 5 years ago there were a few new staff members I had not met (his work is boring so I only nip in about once a year at most. Its office based in the legal field so nothing of interest). He was offended when I didn't want to go see the new office and guilt tripped into going. Once there I met every new staff member and chatted with all the old ones etc. Also they all often pop round to the house with things. So alarm bells would ring if he was keeping you so far away from this new business and his new Bpartner. Perhaps hes told her you dont exist or that you dont get on. Next time shes picking him up I would make sure I ran out after him just before he got in the car, to give him something "he forgot". Or to tell him someones on the phone. Or even just "nip out" to your car as shes picking him up and give them a big friendly wave and smile.

Original poster
Raspberry21 · 01/04/2018 17:31

I would look on Facebook but he won't accept me. I sent him a request and he's just ignored it. Both their accounts have maximum privacy so only friends can see

OP posts:
kimanda · 01/04/2018 17:34

Why have you not met this woman?

Some posters will say 'men should be allowed to have female friends without the missus getting all possessive yada yada,' but if the wife is not allowed to MEET this 'friend' then that is very suspicious and flat-out unacceptable.

This man is having an affair with this woman.

YANBU, OP.

mzcracker · 01/04/2018 17:34

So he won't add you on Facebook either? Yea that's shady.
Can you get someone else to add him and have a look for you??

AnnieAnoniMouser · 01/04/2018 17:34

Not a hope in hell I’d be entertaining any of that. There’s a reason he doesn’t want you to meet - fine. He can fuck off and do whatever he wants as a single bloke.

Original poster
Raspberry21 · 01/04/2018 17:35

I don't think I want to meet her now. I just want to give up on him - I'm so miserable with all of this. I long to be free and happy and not spend my days wondering what he's up to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Raspberry21 · 01/04/2018 17:36

Love it AnnieAnoniMouser. Yeah!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/04/2018 17:37

Why are you so passive ? Confused

What would he do if you demanded access to his FB and to meet this woman ?

Original poster
Raspberry21 · 01/04/2018 17:40

I thought up to now I was being reasonable with him, supporting him in setting up this new business. But you're right, AnyFucker, I am being passive. When he comes home (he's still out with her) I'm going to make demands

OP posts:
Schlimbesserung · 01/04/2018 17:41

I always want these threads to end happily with the behaviour just being a bit odd, but no affair. I really hope that's the case here, but it does sound fishy.
Could you make one final effort and contact her, maybe invite her round when he won't be there? You wouldn't need an excuse even, just that you think it's time you met.

Original poster
Raspberry21 · 01/04/2018 17:47

The whole idea makes me feel really uncomfortable. I'm quite shy anyway and from what I understand she is the opposite to me. I would feel so awkward meeting her.

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 01/04/2018 17:52

Why would he spend most of the day AND then the evenings with her? What line of work is it? Sounds weird to me!

AnyFucker · 01/04/2018 17:53

She is not the one you need to take to task. Your dodgy husband is the problem.

Original poster
Raspberry21 · 01/04/2018 17:53

So when he comes home, should I tell him I'm leaving or give him another chance? I just don't know what to do

OP posts:
SevenStones · 01/04/2018 17:54

Working on Easter Sunday wouldn't be an issue for me as I've just come home from work myself and I prioritised working today over my family. (No, I don't work in a cafe!! Although there are plenty open today)

But I spend time with my family another day to make up for it.

What sounds off to me here is:

  1. Ignoring you on Facebook after you've made a friend request
  2. Not wanting you to meet his business partner and waiting outside to be picked up.

Although either/both of those could be because he's trying to keep business and home totally separate, and his FB account is about business and contacts etc.

At the very least a good conversation about these would be a start, and see what he says.

mzcracker · 01/04/2018 17:57

I would ask him outright why he is resistant to you meeting this woman. Ask him to accept your friend request and tell him you'd like him to invite her round.
His responses will probably tell you everything you need to know.
These are very simple requests and anyone with nothing to hide would have no problem agreeing to them.

Vitalogy · 01/04/2018 17:57

Why have you not met this woman? That's what I was thinking, surely you should have met by now.

Gemini69 · 01/04/2018 17:58

affair or not... what on earth is so important even in business that needs to be done on Easter Sunday in a cafe ffs Hmm

AnyFucker · 01/04/2018 17:59

You don't need to jump to "leaving" straight away

Tell him he opens up or ypu will ne reconsidering your relationship. No "chances". He satisfies your concerns or he fucks off to his secret life alone.

Original poster
Raspberry21 · 01/04/2018 18:00

mzcracker - I've done both of those. He said no to me being a friend on Facebook - it's just a place to catch up with his old friends, he said, and I asked him to invite woman round and he said yes, he would but never did.

So that tells you everything. I know what I have to do

OP posts:
Takeaweeseat · 01/04/2018 18:00

Sorry OP but I think you need to start getting some answers from him, it doesn't look good.

As for meeting the woman...maybe she's refusing to meet you, has he even asked her to meet you?

Petalflowers · 01/04/2018 18:01

I don’t think you should give up so easily.

However, I do think you need to get some answers. Invite her (and her partner if she has one) for a meal. If dh rejects this, then suggest a meal, out, saying you’d like to know his business colleague. Or go to his office etc.

Find out what’s behind his secrecy.

It maybe something innocent, ie. keeping work and home life separate, but it would be best to find out before you throw in the towel.

Livinglifepeachy · 01/04/2018 18:02

Op I think you need to chat to him about leaving and see what he thinks. If you do want to continue then speak to him about meeting her. Why couldn't they do the work in your house? Can't be because it's quite there.. I feel very odd about his behaviour

SevenStones · 01/04/2018 18:02

So when he comes home, should I tell him I'm leaving or give him another chance?

Leaving him seems a rather large leap! Shock

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