think I may have been right

[isheisnthe]

DP has been very cool with me for about a month after a disaterious weekend away with the family, where he was very nasty and selfish. When we came home he moved in to the spare room and has been there since on and off.

Last week he announced that he wanted to split up - I was shocked. Our relationship (like most peoples) goes in peaks and troughs and I wasn't expecting it. I have begged and pleaded to make this work, esp for the sake of our sons and the fact the majority of the time we do rub along together but he is not interested. I am so shocked, as we are his "second" family after he was left by his first wife and children and he made it clear he had been gutted not living with his children (he still sees them all the time).

now, I know Ishouldn't have but I checked his phone, I found an entry undera mans name (I have NEVER heard him mention this person) hidden in his archive file in the phone. Then I checked his messae counter and it appears he and this"trevor" have been texting each other V regularly, esp late at night. Being as he is constantly walking round with his mobile attached to him I think I may already know the answer o the question I guess I am asking.

I have written the number down - do I ring it? how do Ifind out this persons name (if a woman answers?!)

Sorry if you got this far

I have spoken to my sol - she said that I should sign my rights (I didnt have any - we are not married) away but she did not see the purpose of signing th boys rights away - trouble is - if I dont the money from this place will stayed tied up and I need to for my new house - I dont want to lose the house - and he knows it - its been hell trying to get it in the first place.

I asked him last night if it was in the best interests of the boys or if it was for himself - he couldnt answer - then I said lets both do it and they can have no one looking out for them

poor boys - they have a dad that couldnt give a crap about them obviously

I'm not sure that you can sign away your boys' rights to claim against their dad. After all, they are not your rights to sign away.

I hope you have a good solicitor who knows how to deal with wankers irresponsible dads.

his solicitor is the one pushing for it - so I can not claim under schedule one of the childrens act in the future - if you look further down the thread thats what I was going to do to get more equity originally - then decided not to, and he is worried i may try in the future.

that was my point of view - morally its not my place to do that on behalf of the boys.

he is a fool - i can not wait not to live with him, he is basically pissed off that i have got of my arse, got myself a mortgage, got myself a house, got my TC nearly sorted, got oldest in to school and sorted out childcare, got myself a new man and the fact i dont NEED or WANT him anymore gets him totally mad

Did I miss the bit about your getting a new man??? Good for you. Hope that is going well and what a kick in the teeth for ex-p.

it is going well thanks freck, best thing is he is 15 years younger than exp! which totally gets his goat!!!!

Oh fabulous! Does this mean that he is younger than you or that you are quite a bit younger than ex-p?

Why is it only when they have pissed everything away that some men suddenly realise what they had?

he's 5 years younger than me and exp was 10 years older - think i know who has got the better deal! Hes totally lovely as well!

Some men are ejjits - and exp is certainly that - hes pissed off as well as my new house is nicer than his and more expensive than he can afford - ha ha ha

just read this so glad your happy isheisnthe so happy for you that you have turned the tables on him lol lol good luck for the future.

thanks - very funny how things work out - I am happier than i have been for years, apart from still living with the tossa things are okay!

hows things going ishe?

update - if anyones interested! 2 days before we were due to complete the buyers pulled out! bastards!!!!!!! Up side was that he had moved out as neither of us wanted to move on the same day. So whilst he'd taken everything that wasnt nailed down (Example he left me 2 plate, 2 knives, 2 forks no cooking implements etc) at least he is no longer living here.

And now he has managed to find the money to buy me out, so all being equal I should be moved within the next 3 weeks in to my brand new home, off the deeds and with a few quid in the bank.

Still with the new man and v v v happy together. The boys are happy with him not here anymore and he has seen them - with me pushing tho!

So there you go - lets hope 2008 is better than 2007!

Thats good news - not about the house sellers but all the rest.
I am sure 2008 will be a fantastic year for you now.
Well done you.

I read the first five pages of your thread then flipped to the end. wow!!! I'm so happy for you and you're an inspiration. tell me, is he still seeing the OW?

great news

am so glad you and the boys are happy

think he has a few on the go to be honest! He dresses like a teenager and had too many things going on on xmas day and boxing day to see the kids - nob!

But we had a lovely day, and they got lots of presents. They seem totally unafected by it all to be honest, looked when I started this thread, I can not believe I have lived like this since may, what a nightmare. Still, he did me the biggest favour in the world, I would still be putting up with his stupid moods and running round after him to keep the peace instead I am happy, will soon own my own home, have bought a brand new car and life just keeps looking up!

Proof if ever it was needed that everything happens for a reason!

fantastic news was just thinking about you today. you're an inspiration to me

thanks for the update> you have been fab through all of this

may 2008 bring you lots of love and happiness

thanks all, its been tough at times but I also have to say thank you to him for making me a size again through losing 3 stone with worry - for some reason it seems to be staying off - ha ha ha - last laugh to me!

size 8 is what I meant to type!

well done isheisnthe
I remember the thread originally & so glad you're still going strong

I know plenty of people who think life is greener - it seems it rarely is

I too have lost weight since my ex left while he has put on weight & looks terrible

heres to a good 2008 for all those people left by tosser other halves

here here MM - you're still going strong i'm glad to see. (have lost 1.5 stone in the 4 months we've been split - and a dress size - only 2 more of each to go! lol)

lol ros,
i have done the same, tho I think I got a lil further than you, but just had to jump to the last page for the latest update.

ishe, I'm soo pleased things have worked out for you. How different you sound now from the person who was posting in May.

You have given me hope, am in a similar position, in that Hubby just walked out without telling me he was going, just didnt come home after leaving for work.( we had kinda decided he would go, but he left earlier than planned) Turns out he was seeing someone from work, possibly been going on for 3 or 4 years. That was 3 months ago. Thing is that with him leaving, just a few days after telling me he was seeing someone, I didnt get and havnt had the chance to really have it out with him, coz he wont speak to me, or just walks off if I do manage to start talking to him. I havnt contacted a solicitor but think I will do soon, as the man is an arse. He thinks it's 'too right n all' that he's paying me the minimum amount of cs, whilst he now has 2 salarys coming in. anyway don't wanna hijack your good news...

And can I just say thankyou to everyone who replied too, has given me strength...

Congrats again ishe... off to read the rest of your thread now ;-)

geri2 - yes get a solicitor
whether he is doing the wrong thing or not you need to know where you stand & show him you wont just lie down & wait for him to change his mind

my ex even asked me what the hurry was for getting a divorce "why was I in a hurry to get married again"
I wasnt - just didnt want to be married to a lying cheat anymore

just remember that your future has changed (grieve for it) but your future can be better

Geri - get to that solicitors and get the legal aid claim going, I found it very empowering that I wasnt waiting round for him to make his move, it made me feel in control of somethng - added bonus was that it shot him right up the arse.

He now has a whopping solicitors bill, where as I have a 200 quid one. Devine retribution seeing as the only thing he thinks is important is money.

Shame about the buyer but at least he has moved out - had rofl that he only left 2 of everything and nothing for you, like you really care!!!

What can you do about the house now? I know the housing market around here is really wierd at the moment although Woing apparantly is still moving as they are going to improve the train times into waterloo (faster).

Could you take in a lodger to keep the house going until you get a new buyer, and ensure ex doesn't try to move back in?