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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

think I may have been right

957 replies

isheisnthe · 10/05/2007 06:59

DP has been very cool with me for about a month after a disaterious weekend away with the family, where he was very nasty and selfish. When we came home he moved in to the spare room and has been there since on and off.

Last week he announced that he wanted to split up - I was shocked. Our relationship (like most peoples) goes in peaks and troughs and I wasn't expecting it. I have begged and pleaded to make this work, esp for the sake of our sons and the fact the majority of the time we do rub along together but he is not interested. I am so shocked, as we are his "second" family after he was left by his first wife and children and he made it clear he had been gutted not living with his children (he still sees them all the time).

now, I know Ishouldn't have but I checked his phone, I found an entry undera mans name (I have NEVER heard him mention this person) hidden in his archive file in the phone. Then I checked his messae counter and it appears he and this"trevor" have been texting each other V regularly, esp late at night. Being as he is constantly walking round with his mobile attached to him I think I may already know the answer o the question I guess I am asking.

I have written the number down - do I ring it? how do Ifind out this persons name (if a woman answers?!)

Sorry if you got this far

OP posts:
isheisnthe · 22/08/2007 09:41

Its funny how quick things have turned round, Just goes to show that every cloud has a silver lining.

I still feel he is a total fool to have done what he did - and up until I saw the photos of him and his holiday romance having fun in the sun, and then the rude one she sent, I would have done anything to get things back on track. The fact that me and our children froze our arses off in the pissing rain, while he sunned himself in 5* luxury on the pretense that he was "thinking" about our future, when in fact he was getting "busy" with a total stranger just showed me what a horrible person he was/is - the disrespect for me was one thing - but to the boys was out of order - and I could NEVER forgive that!

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 22/08/2007 11:49

yes - too right. Funny how often men think with their dick and live to regret it...

BandofMothers · 25/08/2007 09:44

hmm, I would have been none too impressed by that aswell.
What a fool, but it seems he did you a favour, as NM is lovely and ex is a tosser

LilyLoo · 25/08/2007 12:45

ishe only just caught back up with this thread am sp pleased after looking at the last couple of posts that you seem ot have got your life back on track Well done and good luck to you and the boys and hope things keep going well with nm.

isheisnthe · 05/09/2007 11:51

well, news flash - We have SOLD! Thats right, Sold - and it looks like a short chain too, which is a result.

I have managed to secure a mortgage for a shared ownership place that has nearly finished being built as well, altho I'm not sure that housing association will accept it as it is not through their financial advisor as he couldnt get me a mortgage...But we will have to wait and see I think.

So, onwards and upwards I think. And its still going fantastic with NM too!

OP posts:
Clayhead · 05/09/2007 22:17

Great News

isheisnthe · 06/09/2007 17:34

thanks - we are getting there, I expect the next argument will be about furniture!

OP posts:
BandofMothers · 06/09/2007 21:49

ishe, that is great.
To celebrate I think you need a new MN name

Katsma · 07/09/2007 04:47

Can't believe I've missed this thread. Have just read from beginning to end.

ishe - am so glad things have worked out so well for you and your boys. All down to your strength of character. You should be very proud

Agree about change of MN name.

Perhaps

UnluckyTrevor

isheisnthe · 07/09/2007 07:14

come on then - lets think of a new name! took me long enough to come up with this one that morning many moons ago!

Thanks for all the support, it has been a life line for me, especially during those dark early days.

just goes to show there is life after an arsehole has ripped your world apart, and me and the boys will be so much happier longer term, in fact, we already are!

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 11/09/2007 16:45

Lovinglife?

Dropdeadfred · 11/09/2007 16:45

byex

HappyWoman · 11/09/2007 17:33

Dont ask me it took me ages to get mine and its still not that original. Second that about MN being a life line though.

Tinkerbel5 · 12/09/2007 14:38

well done on selling the house thats great news.

LilyLoo · 12/09/2007 14:44

Greta stuff ishe , i'm so pleased for you and the boys

isheisnthe · 09/10/2007 11:52

he has now decided he is going for joint custody! wtf? he never sees them now - what makes him think he will be able to have them for 1/2 the time?

I'm so pissed off - as i know its largely to piss me off - at the very least he will apply for PR for oldest DS (born before the law changed) and I dont want him to have that either.

Is there anyway I can stop him getting this? (PR and shared custody)

OP posts:
CarGirl · 09/10/2007 11:59

I wonder if he wants shared to try and reduce maintenance payments that he is?

You need a solicitor - don't think you can stop him applying but you can give reasons why it isn't in the boys best interests etc.

I know he may well be doing it to p*ss you off but try and rise above it and remember what is in the best interests of your dc. Do not say nasty things about him, to not obstruct him seeing them etc as it will only hurt your dc in the long run not him! If you make it easy for him to see them and then he doesn't etc it will go against him in any future arrangements that go through the courts. Yes it would be horrid for the dc's but it's far worse if they suspect you are stopping/making difficult contact.

Hang on in there when the dust has all settled it will be fine and you will be able to move on with your life properly and the w*nker may well slowly disappear!

isheisnthe · 09/10/2007 12:03

he is being a dick - I already instructed my solicitor to wtrite to him about contact - I suggested every other weekend for the whole weekend, or every weekend pick up from school/nursery friday and drop off saturday at 6pm - also said on each wednesday evening he could take them out for Tea from me - he has accepted every weekend from friday to saturday night and is not interested in the wednesday evening thing - he also wants flexibility to move the days and or weekend should he be "busy".

All i said was I wanted consistancy, and if there wasnt any he could forget it.

I dont know why I dont want him to have PR to be honest - it wont make that much difference to me - but this is the child that he wated aborted, and spends barely any time with, and is not close to at all, so its the principle of it really.

OP posts:
isheisnthe · 09/10/2007 12:05

CG - i really am hoping he does slowly drawer in to the back groung - arsehole that he is

OP posts:
CarGirl · 09/10/2007 12:09

I would write back and suggest 2 or 3 weekends on 1 weekend off (well fri/sat) any other changes to be made in writing at least 4 weeks in advance, pointing out that gives him plenty of flexibility to work his social life around his children!

As a solicitor once told me "give them enough rope and they hang themselves"!

isheisnthe · 09/10/2007 12:12

what 2/3 weekends for the whole weekend or just for the friday night?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 09/10/2007 12:16

I meant the option he had chosen the Fri to Sat night because he is already told you he doesn't want them the whole weekend and he doesn't want them every Saturday either

isheisnthe · 09/10/2007 12:23

hes just such a total tosser - he really is - can not understand his - first thing this morning he called me a stupid fucking cow - why - cos he grabbed the milk out of the fridge so hard the half bottle of wine next to it flew open and smashed over the floow - where was I - in bed with youngest DS!!!

OP posts:
isheisnthe · 10/10/2007 07:59

I think i am just going to sign everything - he also wants me to sign the boys rights to claim against him away - including inheritance - am worn down now - what a piece of work

OP posts:
DavidTennantsMistress · 10/10/2007 08:08

don't do a thing until you've spoken to your sol. why should your children loose out cos he's being a prize wanker.

keep your chin up, it will be worth it in the end - and hopefully won't last too much longer (least that's why I keep telling myself!)

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