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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

think I may have been right

957 replies

isheisnthe · 10/05/2007 06:59

DP has been very cool with me for about a month after a disaterious weekend away with the family, where he was very nasty and selfish. When we came home he moved in to the spare room and has been there since on and off.

Last week he announced that he wanted to split up - I was shocked. Our relationship (like most peoples) goes in peaks and troughs and I wasn't expecting it. I have begged and pleaded to make this work, esp for the sake of our sons and the fact the majority of the time we do rub along together but he is not interested. I am so shocked, as we are his "second" family after he was left by his first wife and children and he made it clear he had been gutted not living with his children (he still sees them all the time).

now, I know Ishouldn't have but I checked his phone, I found an entry undera mans name (I have NEVER heard him mention this person) hidden in his archive file in the phone. Then I checked his messae counter and it appears he and this"trevor" have been texting each other V regularly, esp late at night. Being as he is constantly walking round with his mobile attached to him I think I may already know the answer o the question I guess I am asking.

I have written the number down - do I ring it? how do Ifind out this persons name (if a woman answers?!)

Sorry if you got this far

OP posts:
BandofMuggles · 04/07/2007 08:50

Will he let it sell for less than it's worth tho just to get rid of it.
I hope not for your sake.

Don't worry too much about the tax credits, you'll get it for sure when you're on your own.
He really is an arse isn't he. Ignore his threats, what a bastard, if it's anyones fault that you are not friends it's his

Original poster
isheisnthe · 04/07/2007 09:21

no - we will not let it go for less - and anyway - I just wouldnt sign the paper work if he tried that one!

Going to view a house at lunch time - hope its as nice as it looks then me and the boys can be all settled in time for ds1 going to school in September, which is something that I have been worried about.

OP posts:
quint · 04/07/2007 09:34

good luck ishe, I hope I didn;t sound too negative, just don;t want to let the shithead get one over on you and take what is rightfully yours

Original poster
isheisnthe · 04/07/2007 09:50

thanks - have a feeling it will all work out okay and me and the boys will be happy and settled a long time before exp life gets back to normal.

He cooked for himself last night - it looked rancid and one thing I will say that he can not complain about is my cooking

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 04/07/2007 10:36

I hope the house is nice. Do let us know...

biddzy01 · 04/07/2007 13:40

Well I am new on here and have read all of this just wanted to say how much respect I have for you. You have became much stronger over the last few months.

And you deserve the best for your future. He will end up a sad lonely man and he will get his comeupance in the end.

What goes around comes around just keep staying strong for you and the boys even in those tough times. You will see your day with him.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 04/07/2007 14:11

it was okay - needed a good clean tho! Have put a rental offer in on condition that it is deep cleaned and the garden sorted out.

OP posts:
Original poster
isheisnthe · 04/07/2007 14:12

this is scary - its all happened so quickly

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 04/07/2007 16:58

Well done you - one small step etc

Have you told him about it?

Tinkerbel5 · 05/07/2007 09:06

ishe forward that email onto your solicitor so that she can see it and ask her if she can print a copy of for you, also, dont let this man cook for you because you are going for a single claim for tax credits and they will be looking for evidence that you are still living as a couple, you have to prove that you live independently from him but just under the same roof

quint · 08/07/2007 19:23

How are things going ishe? Hope you've had a good weekend witht he boys.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 09/07/2007 15:37

its been better - found some nice nudie photos on the computer from his holiday romance (can not remember if i have already said that) but have confronted him on it now. Loads of things going on really and I have realised that I would be mad to move out - especially when he is being so deceitful, he tried to change the mortgage (badly!) without me knowing, if I hadnt been there to open the letter I would have been stuffed. So its just a case of wait and see. Its totally crap.

OP posts:
suezee · 09/07/2007 15:52

i was readin ur thread last night and im sorry that ur going through this, have u spoken to the cab yet because you can actually get help with the mortgage payments if you stay in the house until u decide to sell, but legally he has to move and u can stay in the house until the children are 18

Original poster
isheisnthe · 10/07/2007 08:42

I havent spoken to them, but I think you are talking about housing benefit and they only pay the interest on anything over 100k?

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 11/07/2007 18:03

Thats true Ishe...but with your maintenance from him could you not manage?

How the hell could he change the mortgage if it's in joint names. He sounds so untrustworthy - what on earth did he say when he was sprung on that?

Original poster
isheisnthe · 12/07/2007 11:47

that he had talked to them but nothing had been agreed. Nob, do I look like I was born yesterday?

I am feeling fantastic to be honest - and have been for a while - although its stressful, and I am sad for the boys, I can see that he has done me the biggest favour he could have.

Lifes good

OP posts:
DivaSkyChick · 12/07/2007 12:36

You are amazing! Glad you're still posting.

mumto3girls · 12/07/2007 13:54

I think you are right - he has done you a massive favour. You are so strong!

BigGitDad · 12/07/2007 14:26

Isheisnthe, good to see you are hanging in there. I was thinking about your situation the other day hoping you were doing okay.
Have you kept the correspondence from the mortgage company if so give it to the solicitor to keep on file as it kind of shows his intentions. Look on the plus side it shows how desperate he is getting.
I might have missed this but did you sort things out with the bank in order to stop him increasing the overdraft etc.
Good to see you have decided not to move out. Given all that has gone on he clearly cannot be trusted. It must be difficult for you not recognising the man you once loved in all this. So sad.
As for the photos on the computer I would try and e mail them somewhere else (don't forget to delete the sent e nail so he cannot see what you have sent) or keep copies as this may come in handy at some point for you. Do try to gather as much information safely and discreetly.
Will continue to keep an eye out for you. Good luck.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 13/07/2007 09:52

Yea, I have forwarded all the photos and MSN conversations (i did manage to record them!) to my own hotmail account - his brother has now installed a spyware on the pc (which I removed by doing a system restore!) so I am no longer accessing that PC - Just in case.

Have kinda gone for a few drinks with someone too, not the pub bloke, one from work. Hes really nice, just mates at the moment but it has made me see that my life with Exp has been dull and dead in the water for a long time, and I was existing but not actually living. I will not rush in to anything, the priority for me is the boys, so while friendships are good the two men in my life (binks) have to know that they come first, and always will.

Thank you all for the huge ammount of support I have been given - it has been a lifeline.

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 13/07/2007 16:07

You really do sound sorted.

quint · 15/07/2007 19:44

Well done ishe. Have you spoken to the mortgage company and told themn that they are not allowed to change anything without speaking to you first?

I now its hard but I really do think you are doing the right thing by not leaving the house - he really is showing his true colours but is also very stupid - good job really.

Keep going - this will one day be over.

BigGitDad · 16/07/2007 14:29

Spyware from his brother? Brilliant! He really is sinking lower, and he is not too bright come to mention it. You should link up to some obscure websites to get him thinking!! Obviously you cannot as you have removed it now, but good to see you are thinking ahead.
I say this as a joke but what are you going to do with your time when this is all over? Hopefully no stress, no watching your back etc etc..
I hope your boys are doing okay in the current situation.

mumto3girls · 19/07/2007 21:09

how are you ishe?

BandofMuggles · 20/07/2007 09:45

ISHE, you sound happy in yourself which is great. I am so glad you are so strong.
He is a nob you are well rid of, and there is a nice guy out there for you when you are ready. Til then you have your 2 great little guys to love and hug.
I am happy for you. It is scary that it's happening quickly, but at least you will be out of his way, then he can't hurt you or let you down any more. You will be FREE from him. And you will be HAPPY.

Hope this house is okay, and remember it doesn't have to be forever. Hopefully soon you'll have your money from the house and can buy a home for you and your boys.

XXX

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