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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

think I may have been right

957 replies

isheisnthe · 10/05/2007 06:59

DP has been very cool with me for about a month after a disaterious weekend away with the family, where he was very nasty and selfish. When we came home he moved in to the spare room and has been there since on and off.

Last week he announced that he wanted to split up - I was shocked. Our relationship (like most peoples) goes in peaks and troughs and I wasn't expecting it. I have begged and pleaded to make this work, esp for the sake of our sons and the fact the majority of the time we do rub along together but he is not interested. I am so shocked, as we are his "second" family after he was left by his first wife and children and he made it clear he had been gutted not living with his children (he still sees them all the time).

now, I know Ishouldn't have but I checked his phone, I found an entry undera mans name (I have NEVER heard him mention this person) hidden in his archive file in the phone. Then I checked his messae counter and it appears he and this"trevor" have been texting each other V regularly, esp late at night. Being as he is constantly walking round with his mobile attached to him I think I may already know the answer o the question I guess I am asking.

I have written the number down - do I ring it? how do Ifind out this persons name (if a woman answers?!)

Sorry if you got this far

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 29/06/2007 12:30

Well, I think he should be told, in no uncertain terms, that not all his access time with the kids can be spent with the ex wife!!

mumto3girls · 29/06/2007 12:32

Wow I bet his ex wife is going to miss you!! She has had every weekend without her children since you came on the scene?

God I bet EXP doesn't know what's going to hit him trying to juggle TWO lots of children...

Original poster
isheisnthe · 29/06/2007 13:14

And what sort of woman is going to put up with every weekend being taken up with either the boys of SC's?

Only a nutter.

So, really, he has pissed on his own chips me thinks

And I get some me time every weekend (or every other) for the first time since I met the git.

OP posts:
teafortwoandtwofortea · 29/06/2007 19:58

isheisnthe - I've been following your thread but haven't really felt 'qualified' to post IYSWIM. But tonight I just feel moved to tell you how amazed I am at how well you're doing. I know it can't all be a bed of roses and you must be having your moments but on the whole, you seem to be keeping it together so well. Enjoy your weekend, and your 'me' time () - hope you continue in your path, you're being so strong!

CarGirl · 29/06/2007 20:04

I haven't posted anything for a while on this thread, I shall repeat myself HE IS A TWUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does he have a narcisstic personality order do yo think? Hugs x

Original poster
isheisnthe · 29/06/2007 20:37

i work in mental health (not as a clinition - sp!) but a lot of the people I work with have said they think he has a PD (personality disorder)

second night on the bounce he is down the pub - sad bastard - he's 40+ not bloody 20.

have ordered a year worth of bank statements as well to prove how much he hasearnt (works for dodgy git who will put what he wants on any CSA docs).

Have had to provide MY bank statements to the TC people and he got very panicky about that - thinking I would give OURS (his really, in joint names but I can not get the dosh since he cut my card up a year ago) and he would be found ou for tax evasion - keep offering me fuck all maintenance and he is going to knoe about it.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 29/06/2007 20:43

just keep stock piling all this evidence ready for when you need it! I think you will be much happier when he is out of your life properly. chin up!

CoffeeCrazedMama · 29/06/2007 21:41

IsHe - re your bank account - if it is a joint account to which you are a joint signitary (sp?) surely all you have to do is phone the bank and get them to send you a new one (dd3 once put mine down a crack in the floorboards!). Tell them either what happened, or tell a little fib ie lost it. It is your money too for heaven's sake. Hope you don't mind me butting in but I have been following your thread and your story has touched me so much - I really can't wait to see a happy outcome for you.

CoffeeCrazedMama · 29/06/2007 21:42

account card, that is !

Original poster
isheisnthe · 30/06/2007 07:30

it is a joint one - but i am not interested in his money thats in there - just what I will get in th future in maintenance payments for the boys

OP posts:
DivaSkyChick · 30/06/2007 09:31

Still, maybe you should get the last year's worth of statements so you know where the money goes and has gone. You can always say your soliciter needed it as your name is on it. It sounded earlier like there's info in there that scares him enough to play fair.

I suppose you can get that at any time as long as you are on the acct. Maybe just wait and see. Just don't sign off the acct until you've got all you deserve!

Original poster
isheisnthe · 30/06/2007 11:27

i have ordered them already.
Just found a nice holiday picture from his holiday - him and a nice girl - who has then sent a nude photo of herself.

Christ alive can this bloke get any fucking lower.

OP posts:
DivaSkyChick · 30/06/2007 13:03

Possibly. Do save everything.

Isn't it nice of him to make it so easy to get over him? At least he's not playing the "I'm so torn" game that keeps you fucked up and confused. No, this man has embraced his twunty fucked up self for all to see.

I'm really sorry.

BigGitDad · 30/06/2007 13:31

Hi isheisnthe, just a quick line to say that you are doing really well and your posts show how clearly you are thinking about the whole situation. Keep going, this will be all over soon and you can look forward to the rest of yur life without your ex H being a pain in the arse around you.
How is the house situation going?
Lastly maybe you should change your name now to 'He definately is!' (A grade one twat!)
Sorry to hear about the lies he puts about in making out he is the victim in all this.
As for the picture can you make a copy and keep it with the girls name and details. Just keep it safe until it may come in handy at some point. Failing that please post it me...[joke emoticom!)

bananabump · 30/06/2007 14:01

Is it an actual photograph on paper? if so does it have a time and date stamp on it? or was it on his phone?

If it does have a time and date stamp on it, and you have naked pics of her, he's fucked my dear!!!

Original poster
isheisnthe · 30/06/2007 14:35

no - it was a link to her page - fucker.

OP posts:
bananabump · 30/06/2007 14:46

Post it on here so we can laugh at her!

lol, no don't really, it's probably against MN rules. But it'd be funny though! Tons of random women leaving shitty messages on her blog, she'd be like "whaaat?"

Try not to let it get you down though, I know it must be horrible seeing hard evidence of the thing you almost knew, but it doesn't make any difference to what's happening, you still need to stay strong and keep your wits about you. This can't go on much longer, and you'll be well rid of him.

Hey I saw you on that other cheating thread by the way, asking about how to see stored msn conversations. Did you manage to find the "view message history" option? if not, here's a quick run through.

Right click on the persons name
select "view"
a little box should come up with 4 options in, select "message history"

Original poster
isheisnthe · 01/07/2007 17:11

it doesnt tho - its so frustrating - it is windows mesenger, but there are no options - damn!

More photos - sglad he spent the week away "seriously" thinkig about us and the future - he's a 40 year old havin a flipping holiday romance for goodness sake!

Have made a decision that I am going to ask if he will go halvs on renting me some where while we wait for this to sell - I do not want to keep snooping and findingthings that only hurt me - but while we are still in the same house I will - as much as I know it does no good.

I know I will be better off - but I am scared aout finances and now tax credits people are investigating my claim - I have said he is still iving herebut we are speratede - even copied them the letter my solicitor sent and the stuff from the estate agent confirming the house is on the market - it was a 29 page flipping fax! bank statements the lot - if they say they are not going to give me my tax credits I will be screwed. if they come here to investigate it will still look like we are together - all his stuff is still in our wardrobe (no other built in ones) and he still is using our ensuite!

I went out for the night last night, told him when I would be home and he hasnt come back - I dont know where he is or where the boys are - and I am annoyed - I want to see my kids!

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 01/07/2007 21:17

Get your name off the joint account asap - he could run up a huge overdraft and you'd be liable too.

Phone him and tell him to get your kids back - bet they're at EXW's...

Original poster
isheisnthe · 02/07/2007 10:01

thats what I am going to do - his was have not gon in this month - and he has upped the overdraft to silly money.

He is being such a twat its untrue - I haventa clue who this person is. Its really quite ugly

OP posts:
BandofMuggles · 02/07/2007 10:05

Has your solicitor made sure you are protected from being liable for this joint acc and the way he is fucking it up????

Original poster
isheisnthe · 02/07/2007 10:15

I am going to ring her oday and speak to her, any debts he has run up since I registered our split should be his??

OP posts:
Original poster
isheisnthe · 02/07/2007 10:16

as oftoday - the account is in th clear - so if I give the letter intoday I shoul be in the clear?

OP posts:
BandofMuggles · 02/07/2007 10:16

That's good then. Does he know that??? I'm guessing NO.

Tinkerbel5 · 02/07/2007 10:18

ishe gets his clothes out of your wardrobe or otherwise it will look like that you are still together, get some boxes and put them in there, or get him a clothes rail and put it somewhere, you need to show that you dont share anything apart from the roof over your head.