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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

think I may have been right

957 replies

isheisnthe · 10/05/2007 06:59

DP has been very cool with me for about a month after a disaterious weekend away with the family, where he was very nasty and selfish. When we came home he moved in to the spare room and has been there since on and off.

Last week he announced that he wanted to split up - I was shocked. Our relationship (like most peoples) goes in peaks and troughs and I wasn't expecting it. I have begged and pleaded to make this work, esp for the sake of our sons and the fact the majority of the time we do rub along together but he is not interested. I am so shocked, as we are his "second" family after he was left by his first wife and children and he made it clear he had been gutted not living with his children (he still sees them all the time).

now, I know Ishouldn't have but I checked his phone, I found an entry undera mans name (I have NEVER heard him mention this person) hidden in his archive file in the phone. Then I checked his messae counter and it appears he and this"trevor" have been texting each other V regularly, esp late at night. Being as he is constantly walking round with his mobile attached to him I think I may already know the answer o the question I guess I am asking.

I have written the number down - do I ring it? how do Ifind out this persons name (if a woman answers?!)

Sorry if you got this far

OP posts:
bananabump · 26/06/2007 13:35

Cheeky bastard asking you to iron his jeans! Was that so he could look nice for Trevor or someone? My god, I don't know how you keep your temper around him, I would have gone mental!

Original poster
isheisnthe · 26/06/2007 13:44

I am treating it with the contempt it deserves BB - the man is a nob jocky of the highest and tallest order

OP posts:
bananabump · 26/06/2007 13:47

hehe, he certainly is! Shame you don't live near me, I'd have minded your boys for you while you went for a drink with your sexy bloke from the pub...on the understanding of course that I got all the gossip as soon as you got back! lol

Tinkerbel5 · 26/06/2007 13:49

isheisnthe what a cheek asking you to iron his trousers, even better, get a raw chilli and open it up and rub it on the crutch of his underpants, then sit back and watch him scratching his nuts on his trip out with his 'friend'

bananabump · 26/06/2007 13:50

haha!!!! harsh but fair, I say!!!

mylittlestar · 26/06/2007 14:43

he he great idea Tinkerbel5!

mumto3girls · 26/06/2007 15:35

He really is a complete unrelenting twat...

JeremyVile · 26/06/2007 15:49

I,ve just read all this...

Wow!!

What a pile of shit this fool has put you through.

I would say 'poor you' but i happen to think you have great things ahead of you.

You're such a strong character (even if you sometimes dont feel like it)and your boys have a wonderful mum to see them through.

The three of you you will get through all this as a team, a unit and you'll be stronger for it. You'll be a happy, healthy stable family without xp.

Well done.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 26/06/2007 20:21

thanks - words of encouragement mean a lot at the mo x

OP posts:
Riss70 · 27/06/2007 09:43

Be preared I thought this with my ex and his Trevor really was a Trevor!

It has taken a number of years but we are good friends now and he has since married a lady who does not mind his bi sexuallity (she is also)

Original poster
isheisnthe · 27/06/2007 10:19

I spoke to trevor - it is a woman (if you can call a horrible slag that)

Well, he's topped his lot now and is retunring my car to the garage. Its in his name. How the hell am I going to get about? How the hell am I going to get the kids about?

OP posts:
Riss70 · 27/06/2007 10:28

I don't know what to say - I feel terrible for you and from what I have read you would be better without him - no-one deserve this and he obviously does not take family to seriously given his track record......I hope tings work out the way you want regardless of what that is

mylittlestar · 27/06/2007 10:30

Have you asked him how he expects you to cope and get the children around?! His children too!
Surely he can't have any justification for this?!

mumto3girls · 27/06/2007 10:32

What an arsehole - I would ask him how he thinks you can travela round without a car, then say that you will be instructing your solicitor to ensure settlement now includes extra for a car!!

What did he say about it?

Original poster
isheisnthe · 27/06/2007 11:07

he said that he cant afford it and is not going to pay for it (he has a company car - which he does not pay tax on )

Simple as that really.

Can he get a lower? Found out about another "friend" in addition to trevor yesterday as well. Did I ever know this man. I can honestly say if you met him you would be convinced he was the nicest, funniest, kindest man on the planet. But we know he isnt dont we!

Cant afford it cos he is trying to live life like a 20 year old with no responsibilties.

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 27/06/2007 11:11

what has changed for him to be able to say that he can't afford it ( aprt from his life style?)
Ask him what you are supposed to tell you boys now?

CarGirl · 27/06/2007 11:12

what on earth are gong to do, I assume you need the car to get to work etc?

Original poster
isheisnthe · 27/06/2007 11:41

had a major back track now - he has just offered 75% of the equity and said we will keep the car until its all sold and equity split.

Thank god - he has finally seen sense, I had told him before the offer that I had issued proceedings to the court, so perhaps he realises I am not going be bullied.

but also very it has come to this

OP posts:
CarGirl · 27/06/2007 11:43

are you going to be able to buy another car with only 75% of the equity though?

mumto3girls · 27/06/2007 12:00

Thats good news, get it in writing from his solicitor to yours ASAP before he changes his mind again...

AND tell him noone will get any equity if the house doesn't sell so to get his arse outside to mow the lawn and make sure he keeps the kitchen tidy too!

mylittlestar · 27/06/2007 12:01

thats good news. get it in writing asap.

also for you as I know it's heartbreaking that it has come to this

Original poster
isheisnthe · 27/06/2007 12:22

I had to mow the bloody lawn yesterday - it was a nightmare! Very long and damp - and I had to borrow next door neighbours lawn mower as he killed ours a few weeks ago.

Feel like a huge weight has been lifted, not saying 100% that I accept this offer, but its a start

OP posts:
quint · 27/06/2007 14:44

totally agree with mumto3girls - get it in writing and tell him to mow the bloody lawn next time!

Original poster
isheisnthe · 27/06/2007 16:17

now I just need buyer. EXp was very annoyed when he phoned to ask why I hadnt jumped at his offer. I explained I had sent it to solicitor for consideration and he said "why do you keep running to your solicitor every two seconds"

Could it possible be cos yu are a liar, cheat, and all round arsehole me thinks?

OP posts:
bananabump · 27/06/2007 16:18

That offer is progress. It shows all that "slaughtered in court" crap was just macho intimidation tactics and he knows he can't have his cake and eat it too.

Another "friend" eh? well, good luck to him. As soon as you start putting yourself out there you'll have more men interested than you can shake a stick at! You've already had offers.

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