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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

think I may have been right

957 replies

isheisnthe · 10/05/2007 06:59

DP has been very cool with me for about a month after a disaterious weekend away with the family, where he was very nasty and selfish. When we came home he moved in to the spare room and has been there since on and off.

Last week he announced that he wanted to split up - I was shocked. Our relationship (like most peoples) goes in peaks and troughs and I wasn't expecting it. I have begged and pleaded to make this work, esp for the sake of our sons and the fact the majority of the time we do rub along together but he is not interested. I am so shocked, as we are his "second" family after he was left by his first wife and children and he made it clear he had been gutted not living with his children (he still sees them all the time).

now, I know Ishouldn't have but I checked his phone, I found an entry undera mans name (I have NEVER heard him mention this person) hidden in his archive file in the phone. Then I checked his messae counter and it appears he and this"trevor" have been texting each other V regularly, esp late at night. Being as he is constantly walking round with his mobile attached to him I think I may already know the answer o the question I guess I am asking.

I have written the number down - do I ring it? how do Ifind out this persons name (if a woman answers?!)

Sorry if you got this far

OP posts:
Original poster
isheisnthe · 25/06/2007 09:56

I know I know - I will do - but it is bloody maddening - and smacks of wht he will be prepared to do when we are seperated properly. Im not sad - I am pissed off.

Last night I felt awkward eating my blood dinner cos he was in the room!

OP posts:
Original poster
isheisnthe · 25/06/2007 09:58

I will do with the tax credits, I think he is getting close to moving out - he mailed this morning to say he doesnt think its working living together - really! - the mans a genious

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Original poster
isheisnthe · 25/06/2007 13:24

well, the ma from the pub mailedback and said he's like to meet tonight for A DRINK - BUMMER is exp is out so I cant go :-(

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mumto3girls · 25/06/2007 13:36

Is there noone you could ask to bbysite for an hour owr two...not even a friend?

Original poster
isheisnthe · 25/06/2007 16:25

they all work in the city or dont have kids ad would not want to babysit.

I hae mailed him and said maybe another night let me know.

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mumto3girls · 25/06/2007 17:37

I'm sure some of your friends who have been supportive of you during this split would love to babysit if it mean't you having the chance of a little fun and flirtation...but I understand that you may not wish to ask them...

Perhaps share a few messages/emails with this guy first and get to know him a bit...that way it will be even nicer when you do get to go out.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 25/06/2007 18:05

get this - bloody hell get this - he just rang an said he was running late home and could I put an iron over his jeans for him (what nob irons jeans anyway)

I said what do you think I am - unpaid help and he said yes, and then said tongue in cheek "your being very disobdient"

I cant go out with sexy man as he is going out tonight, after a week of NO CHILD CARE responsibilities, and he wants me to iron his clothes - and thinks by being funny I'm going to dit - am I arseholes

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Freckle · 25/06/2007 18:15

Do you have any friends with teenagers or neighbours? What about a local nursery? The younger assistants there are often only too happy to do some b/sitting for a fee.

What about trying to find out if there is a b/sitting circle near you? Try your local NCT for this.

If you don't have friends or family who can do it, you'll have to look elsewhere. What about your local high school? Some of them do childcare courses and the students would jump at the chance of some b/sitting. Same with any local college.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 25/06/2007 18:22

ds' nurserys deputy has offered me the u ofher 15 year old daughter - so I will get her number and next time he dicks around I will hopefully have a backup

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mumto3girls · 25/06/2007 18:59

Get an iron and put in on his jeans..then leave it there for about 10 minutes....

he is tryig the jokey way back into your life, stamp on it quickly....

BandofMuggles · 25/06/2007 19:09

Pity your hols weren't nicer, and since I am the same age as you lets have no more of the too old to start again
Of course you're young enough, you're already getting offers. Good!!!!
Copy the number somewhere safe, thenleave it out for ex to see. What an idiot to expect you to iron for him.
As for demanding, I really don't see that he's in any position to be demanding.

Take him for everything you can get for the boys, none of this 50/50, cos it isn't is it, he is just him, you are 3 of you so really 25/75 is more like it.

BandofMuggles · 25/06/2007 19:10

But I love Mum23's suggestion about the iron.

mumto3girls · 25/06/2007 19:21
Grin
Original poster
isheisnthe · 25/06/2007 20:11

he was actually shocked that the jeans were still wet - in the washing machne where he left them.

I had taken them out, finished the holiday washing for me and the boys and then put them back.

Am taking the advice from earlier and treating myself like a single parent, that way no being pissed off for me, and if he gets back from where ever he goes, theres gonna be a baby sitter sitter there, that he will have to pay for

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mumto3girls · 25/06/2007 20:23

Yay!! Go for it!!

Original poster
isheisnthe · 25/06/2007 20:37

wish I had done te iron thing tho

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mumto3girls · 25/06/2007 20:51

there's always next time....if he hasn't learnt his lesson tonight!

Original poster
isheisnthe · 25/06/2007 20:54

altho - I am trying to be the grown up - why I have no clue. hes going away this weekend defo apparently - to see "friends" he met while away - gla to see he is skint but can still afford flights abroad

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mumto3girls · 25/06/2007 21:02

why not 'go away' next weekend for one night at least...? I know it's hard when you want the boys to feel secure, but it's soemthing that they and you will have to get used to when you live apart.

BandofMuggles · 25/06/2007 21:05

Can't believe he was shocked. What a prat, he actually thought you would do it. Well done for not stooping to his level with the iron tho
Yes it must be hard to be so skint you can only afford to go abroad twice in a monthFFS

Perhaps you should book a night away, and not tell him who with. Then leave him a list of chores to be done while he looks after his boys.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 25/06/2007 21:08

he wont do them tho - his idea of looking after them is a trip to maccys!

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Original poster
isheisnthe · 25/06/2007 21:09

lawns not been mowed for 3 weeks (since I did it) and we have two veiwings this week - a sign of someone that wants to sell - not

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BandofMuggles · 25/06/2007 21:20

I never expected he would do them, but leave it anyway, then appear really shocked that he didn't do it. Then smack him round the head. At least in a daydream anyway

quint · 26/06/2007 13:09

Hi ishe, been away for the last 2 weeks (also in rainy cornwall - whats up witht he weather at the mo!)

Can;t belive he reported you to the police - has anything happened about that?

Nothing else to add really, just to let youknow that people are still supporting you on here.

Original poster
isheisnthe · 26/06/2007 13:30

yea, they have decided no further action but it had to go to the CPS! They have reported HIM to the domestic violence people though in case it happens again after he had told them he shoved me down the stairs - so that pissed on his chips

Have had him on the phone this pm asking me if I had nosed through his stuff and contacted a work "colleague/customer" that he had been chatting with on email as they have become very cold on him. I asked him why I would have done that and he said that I did with Trevor - I pointed out that was some time ago, and now he could do as he pleased and I did not give a shit. So - theres another one he has had on the back burner - charmer! Wonder how many times over the years this has gone on - must have been blind. I am actually laughing though, as he grassed himself up for something I knew nothing about

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