think I may have been right

[isheisnthe]

DP has been very cool with me for about a month after a disaterious weekend away with the family, where he was very nasty and selfish. When we came home he moved in to the spare room and has been there since on and off.

Last week he announced that he wanted to split up - I was shocked. Our relationship (like most peoples) goes in peaks and troughs and I wasn't expecting it. I have begged and pleaded to make this work, esp for the sake of our sons and the fact the majority of the time we do rub along together but he is not interested. I am so shocked, as we are his "second" family after he was left by his first wife and children and he made it clear he had been gutted not living with his children (he still sees them all the time).

now, I know Ishouldn't have but I checked his phone, I found an entry undera mans name (I have NEVER heard him mention this person) hidden in his archive file in the phone. Then I checked his messae counter and it appears he and this"trevor" have been texting each other V regularly, esp late at night. Being as he is constantly walking round with his mobile attached to him I think I may already know the answer o the question I guess I am asking.

I have written the number down - do I ring it? how do Ifind out this persons name (if a woman answers?!)

Sorry if you got this far

the police turned up to talk to me - just as a viewing was about to take place - o the shame!

I explained the situation and they said I must not loc him out again - he has a legal right of entry. Please remind me never to let anyone on my house deeds in the future!

Had a okayish day today - but no one to take the strain of te boys off me a bit - yet again he has failed to put in an appearance after "popping out" - prat

Oh dear, did the prospective buyers see the police there? How mortifying for you.

Is everything ok now? Do you know if he'll be sleeping at yours tonight? I wish for you and your boys sake he would get a bit of dignity and feck off to Trevors. I bet she's regretting ever having met him by now though!

How are you doing?

No - luckilly they had gone by my heart was racing. Have no idea if he will be back here tonight - he gave no definitive response to me.

I'm okay - muddling along really - just wish we could agree the finances and at least then I could get a mortgage offer in place so that I can go go go when we sell as quickly as possible and put him where he belongs - firmly in the past

Honey, that day will be so sweet for you when it finally arrives.
I hope you don't have to wait too long for it, but hangin there. You're doing great.

Don't let him turn his guilt around on you. Of course you have to tell the boys something. They know something is going on. You are doing the right thing, he just doesn't have the guts to do it. He is a coward. If he had any balls he would sit down with you and the boys and explain what was going on with you. Withholding all resentment toward you and being a grown up. Unfortunately, he is a complete prick and can't put his children before himself even for 5 minutes.

Let him know that you are thinking only of the boys while he thinks only of himself and tell him to grow a backbone.

My thoughts are with you. Soon this will all be in the past, a bad memory.
(((((hugs))))))

Thanks BOM - keep dreaming about his tho - which is a total mind bender I have to say - we were clothes shopping lsat night?! That because before I went to sleep I said to my sister that could wait to start dressing like a 30 year old again - as opposed to the shit that he comes home with for me!

After saying he was popping out to the boys he didnt come in until 9ish- sunburnt to god (nice day at the beach with trev?) - I didnt say anything but as I went to bed I did say to him that he should not tell the boys lies - if he says he is popping out they expect him back and bug me all day - if he is not coming back say he will see them tomorrow - got no comment. I said it didnt bode well to start lying to them already from his quarter

justgot a letter - I have been accepted on to the shared housing regiterat the council - yea! That should also have an impact with homebuy.

SHould hear from them in about 8 days - then I know what I can and can not do - depending on what I get from him re equity ofcourse.

But feeling more positive - its the housing sitution that has done my head in

well that's some positive news at least. When you get the shared ownership info through have a good look through the options try to avoid ending up with paying a mortgage and paying rent! Best one is probably if the buy a share that has to be repaid when you sell the property. HTH

thanks cargirl - I was really wantingto buy on the open market- that way at least I will be able to buy in the area I want and keep in the school catchement area that my elder son is in.

I have to raise 75% of equity ad thn they loan me 25% or something lik that, which I have to start paying back after 5 yrs - when hopefully I will be in a very different position!

Does anyone know how long the list fr shared ownership with the council can be?

Don't know about the house thing, but glad you're feeling positive. Not knowing about the roof over your head is a horrible thing and plays on your mind until it's sorted. Don't worry, one day you can put your feet up in your new house with a glass of wine and toast to your new life.
Keep that lovely thought in mind thru all the struggle.

feeling crap today - its his birthday - this time last year we were on holiday on our own (just for a few days) to celebrate, never would have thought a year on we would be here.

Sitting at my desk on the verge of tears with a huge lump in my throat.

Poor thing. Try not to dwell on it. A year is a long time, imagine what you could be doing this time next year? (and TRUST ME, sitting there with a lump in your throat thinking about him won't be it!)

You could be seeing some sexy new guy who treats you like a princess and adores your boys.
You could be off on holiday yourself someplace, forgetting all your problems and having fun with the kids.
You could simply be walking around your new house done the way YOU like it, having your friends round for a party in your new garden, or treating the boys to a present he would have moaned about them having. Sound good?

Remember who started this.

thanks BB - I will do my best to remember that. Got him a present from the boys - the aftershave he used to wear when we got together - instead of the poofy shite he has been putting on for the last few months!

wonder how spook got on with her move? think i may have foxed him a bit last night as I calmly told him that although I was hurt, I did think it was for the best for the both of us to split but that i felt it was a bad decision for the boys, but ultimatly children are tough and will get over it. He was like "why do you think its for the best then" I just said as times gone on I realise the relationship has been fairly restricted (both ways) and that I was looking forward to some independence - not too sure but he seemed quite pissed off. Funny thing was that I actually meant what I was saying and wasnt saying it for a reaction or to hurt him.

It'll be lovely to do what you want without asking/running it by him.
The freedom............hmmmmmmm.

I would love to have seen the look on his face.
And good for you, sounds like the healing process is beginning.

thanks BOM - feeling really upbeat today - altho tax credits have just told me my claim will be take ANOTHER 3 weeks!

You'll get all the back pay tho. Ooh haven't done my yearly thingey for it. Thanks for the reminder.
It's quite wierd isn't it how someone you love/loved, and who loved you , supposedly, can suddenly start acting like a totally different person. Do you question how well you knew him all along?

I do yea - its horrid that someone who you have children with, and therefore a shared thing, that you and only you two could have made has become a stranger.

Its like his body is there, but the person I knew no longer inhabits it! Makes it hard because the person who is doing and saying all these horrible things is not the person I know, so altho I dont like this person, I still love the one that used to be there/ Does that make sense - not sure it does?

It makes total sense, which is why it's so hard for you to distinguish the 2 when he turns the charm on. It must be hard when you want to believe him, but anyway, less of that when you're upbeat. Don't want to bring you down.
How are those lovely boys doing??

they are doing great - ds1 is doing a computer course through his nursery for 6 weeks starting today which he was thrilled about, ds2 wanted to do it too, but I said he can do it next year, when he is going up to school.

We went kite flying yesterday which they loved and played in the park for hours.

I have jsut read the entire thread , you sound like a really strong inspirational person to be able to get through what is happening to you, never give up. I hope you get everything you are entitled to for you and your boys and find happiness and peace.

thankyou Jennylee, thats really kind of you. I hope so too

Never been discribed as inspirational before, better try not to get big headed!!!!

Glad that you;re feeling a little more upbeat and positive, the boys will pick up on thsi and feel better themselves too

well, I have just been interviewed under caution - as he has said that I have hit him, last week as I told you I locked him out and he phoned the police, and said that as well as locking him out there had been ongoing domestic violence.

This is utter madness, not I am waiting to hear whether they are going to charge me, or him, or both of us

Next thing social services will be round

my god what a prick - know how you feel bloody loony OW sent me solicitors letter "under notice" that I was harassing her WTF WTF !!!! I think they think if they act like the victim then their fucking despicable behaviour is less despicable and somehow we must be the mad ones so it makes hat they have done alright (fact that we were never mad before they made us that way) - gosh sorry for ramble just know how you feel....

PS are you ok have you got some RL support ??