think I may have been right

[isheisnthe]

DP has been very cool with me for about a month after a disaterious weekend away with the family, where he was very nasty and selfish. When we came home he moved in to the spare room and has been there since on and off.

Last week he announced that he wanted to split up - I was shocked. Our relationship (like most peoples) goes in peaks and troughs and I wasn't expecting it. I have begged and pleaded to make this work, esp for the sake of our sons and the fact the majority of the time we do rub along together but he is not interested. I am so shocked, as we are his "second" family after he was left by his first wife and children and he made it clear he had been gutted not living with his children (he still sees them all the time).

now, I know Ishouldn't have but I checked his phone, I found an entry undera mans name (I have NEVER heard him mention this person) hidden in his archive file in the phone. Then I checked his messae counter and it appears he and this"trevor" have been texting each other V regularly, esp late at night. Being as he is constantly walking round with his mobile attached to him I think I may already know the answer o the question I guess I am asking.

I have written the number down - do I ring it? how do Ifind out this persons name (if a woman answers?!)

Sorry if you got this far

I agree re clearing the bank account

the bank account should be the only thing she cleans out

theres nothing to clear guys - there is a 2800k OD but thats it - ifI take that the mortgage will not get paid!

If I smoke many more cigaretts through this I will end up like kate moss - minus the druggie boyfriend and millions of pounds!

Blow your smoke at him with a bit of luck it will kill him and you can cash in on the insurance

Ishe just read this thread so sorry you are going through this but what a fucking bastard he sounds it sounds to me like you are well rid,i would start to keep a diary of everything he say's to you,and pass it all on to the solicitor,you need us and them right now as they will help you to fight to get what you are entittled too.Sounds like he knows what he is doing and is trying to screw you over big time.Satay focussed,calm and resolute he is the LOSER not you and you will win in te end you will see.xx

really cant get over some of what he has done and said to you
what a prize WANKER !!

agree with others ishe -don't do the washing, but don't let it spark off another huge confrontation. You need to conserve your strength for the big battles ahead.
re; money - what a low trick- diverting his wages elsewhere, again hold tight, speak to your solicitor (but make sure you're not paying by the minute)

In my experience, you will get more than 50/50 on the property assets, we went to mediation and came out with 90/10. The mediator was so calm and totally focussed on what both parties would NEED and how they could manage that. Also, I think that your dp would be far too embarrassed to repeat his threats re; money in front of a third party like a mediator.

He won't want anyone to know how mean he is, and how unwilling to take care of his children.

thanks all - hellish - were you married? 90/10 would be a good place to be for me! I just can nt fathom the depths he is willing to go to tho!

I am not sure he will go to mediation - is it just the 2 of you and a mediator or is it you 2 with your solicitors and the mediator?

Cleaning nearly all done - bar the dreaded kitchen floor and foldingall the kids washng away. then going o treat myself to a bath, in my very clean bath, and a glass of wine - so tht he can call me an alcoholic when he gets in - his day wouldnt be the same without having made a shitty comment

he bought the kids back, starving with DS1 saying daddy had shouted at him all day and he said "ds1 has been ver senstive today" really - i can not quite think why what a nob jocky

He has now gone out with his sister, but, shes not picking him up from here, she is picking him up from the pub down the road really, pull the other one, it rings! He then went and got his phone ad tried to showme the texts arranging it, I told him I wasn't interested as he obviously does not store texts under peoples correct names - super sleuth that he is! he then said "i don't even know why I am trying to prove it to you, your opinion doesn't matter" I just said "exactly, enjoy your evening

And now I am having a nice glass of wine thinking murderous thoughts

Message withdrawn

tell me about it - just wrote a long message butit didnt post. in short he has told ds1 that he is going to live on his own for a ver long time. I havenever offered any info buthae answered their questions as tey came up. I thought it should be something that we sit down with them tgether and put together the reasons positivly. He has now pissed off out leaving me wth the boys, one of wch who has sonked out on the sofa and the other who ill not let me out of his sight.

you know the best thi - I'm not telling u the half of it (not cos I dont want too - but it would take me alnight to type) and its good to hear that I'm not mad (as he is making out I am) but someone who perspective on whats acceptable has been fucked up over the years by a horrible shit who I shall be better off with out.

Got him to sign to release me from the joint account tonight - he sign then asked why I was "in such a rush" - I then explained that I feel he is trying to rack up masses of debts in our joint names (his wages not going in) and if tht was the case he can fuck his own credit ratin - not mine. God his look was priceless - I had just outfoxed him - ha ha ha nob end

bump

how do I password my login

you so deserve better, i have been where you are now almost 2 years ago, (25th june)
at the time i felt like my heart had been ripped out.... my girls were 1 and 7, and i really wnated to die...and thats the truth i used to pull out at junctiuons in my car and really not care if i took risks etc, it was hell and i never want to go there again...

i went on a fab course ran by relate called new life new challenge and i also went to counselling on my own- both were fab

i begged my ex to stay for about 2 months against the advice that i got on here, it didnt work if anything iot just made his head bigger, i do regret doing it although at least he knows that i did all i could to try and save our relationship..

2 years on i am a changed person, i have lost 3 stone, i now wear makeup (which i never did) and feel so much better about myself, next wek i am starting netball which i never would have done with him in my life.

me and my girls have a blast most of the time, we are planning a holiday away next year,

Things i hear about my ex and his girlfriend still get to me slightly but that felling passes much quicker now,

life will get better, but you have to ride the feelings if you dont they will come back later on, so just go with the flow and the feelings will pass, you needd to go through the saddness, hurt and anger..

lots of love and best wishes to you

xx

tq for you r perspective - its just so shite and I feel so low,I really want to scream (and maybe i should) WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS.

We live a very comfortable live style - which I have taken as granted.

but ultimatly - money does not = love

i know how awful you feel and it is normal life isnt how you wanted it to be and he isnt acting how you expected him to act.. he is the biggest loser and one day he will realise this and it will be to late by then because you will be much stronger by then,

i cant help with the legal stuff as we were not married and house was rented do i just stayed here and he went to his mums and he has since bought a house with the other women

you need to look afer yourself very kindly, scream if you need to,

it will defo get better when i look at my old threads i cringe about stuff i was doing at the time to make him stay with me..

Some people feel the need to meet someone else staright away but i havent and i dont feel the need although it would be nice and i am now ready if it was to happen

yes i was married ishe, so it may be different for you.

I think mediation is a great idea, i sold it to x by telling how much money he would save in legal expenses.

Alot of people confuse it with counselling, but it is not about trying to save the relationship. It is a practical way to sort out who gets what, to make arrangements for children/ visits etc.

It's just you two and one mediatior, the man who was our mediator was really excellent, he was totally impartial. It helped everything stay calm.

he was not interested in who put what into the relationship only in who needed what to house themselves and children, and to live.
My x had a much much higher wage than me ( I was mostly sahm) that's why I needed the capitol to put down on a house.

thanks - thats the same as me hellish. he didnt come home last night - after askig me to leave the door open - anyone coul have come in - or the boys could have gone out

And he went out with his sister to a pub less than 2 mins walk away - maybe incest is best?

but - and shootme fr this, I managed to get in his car and read his solicitors letter - and she has told exactly what I hav said - I will be entitled to more than 50% - so he has just been bluffing me hoping I will g scared. stupid prck

still not home - glad he has already forgotton he has two kids!

Just keep a diary of absolutely everything (even stuff like this) so that if he does go for custody you have plenty of ammo. Of course do not let him know you are keeping a diary ever and always keep it safe.

Agree with mishw, it's really important to keep a diary of things, if it ever comes to your word against his - you will certainly be more beleivable if you have a written account. NB I would keep a record of time he spends with the dcs - if he ever pushes for joint/ residency or overnights when you are not happy with that - you can show that he has hardly looked after the boys on his own during the relationship.

Also keep a record of money he has taken from the joint account (or wages not paid in)

Glad you managed to read the solicitor's letter- information is power - just make sure you hide any of your letters/ bank info as he may go searching when you are out/ alseep.

Also if your boys have passports, hide them - i know this may be over the top but it made me feel better when i did it

Keep strong - sounds like you are on top of things

he came home -looking v v v hungover -overly lovey dovey with the boys as well. But, get this, he had the cheek to be dropped off by her! I happened to be at the window - honestly! I told him he should have trev in for a cup of tea.... he got all defensive and said he didnthave to explain himself to me and it wasnt wort talking to - I agreed and said lets keep it to the solicitors - mines free, your isnt - which pleased him no end I can tell you.

SO I hve just had to go to tescos for some shopping with both boys as he was sooooo tired - it was mega busy. Bought them a toy each which usually never happens as he would get cross with me "wasting" money, come home - youve guessed it - he has pissed off out again!

Glad to be honest - its nicer when he is not here

isheisnte - I've not posted before but have been lurking on your thread. You sound very strong - keep your chin up. He sounds like a complete nob and you're better off without him. Your boys sound fab - they have a lovely mum!
Take care.