think I may have been right

[isheisnthe]

DP has been very cool with me for about a month after a disaterious weekend away with the family, where he was very nasty and selfish. When we came home he moved in to the spare room and has been there since on and off.

Last week he announced that he wanted to split up - I was shocked. Our relationship (like most peoples) goes in peaks and troughs and I wasn't expecting it. I have begged and pleaded to make this work, esp for the sake of our sons and the fact the majority of the time we do rub along together but he is not interested. I am so shocked, as we are his "second" family after he was left by his first wife and children and he made it clear he had been gutted not living with his children (he still sees them all the time).

now, I know Ishouldn't have but I checked his phone, I found an entry undera mans name (I have NEVER heard him mention this person) hidden in his archive file in the phone. Then I checked his messae counter and it appears he and this"trevor" have been texting each other V regularly, esp late at night. Being as he is constantly walking round with his mobile attached to him I think I may already know the answer o the question I guess I am asking.

I have written the number down - do I ring it? how do Ifind out this persons name (if a woman answers?!)

Sorry if you got this far

pmsl at nob rot - hahahaha

fantastic news all - his next idea has been to kick ME out (oh, and the boys) so the council will HAVE to find emergency accomodation for me and them (a nice BB perhaps, with ex offenders and mental health patients)and after they finally give me my council house he will give me my equity - a lovely idea don't you think - and one that is so the right thing to do for MY children (and they obviously are mine, as he clearly thinks NOTHING of them)

I have no idea, no idea at all howhe can even CONSIDER that. I obviously pointed out the he can not kick me out, as I own the sodding house as well.

what a knob
just keep saying this to yourself & be strong

I agree that he is trying the bulling tactic of scaring you into leaving et

I still say change the locks while hes out and dump his stuff on the lawn

what a nice man to kick you out so that you are forced into emergency accomodation

in a way, perhaps this is a good enough reason to change the locks as he is "threatening to kick you out"
court will take a dim view of that

glad you had a good nice out last night though

How did he inform you of this - hopefully in writing so you can keep it as evidence, if not, note it down.

How does he think he can kick you out, surely just like you he is not able to change the locks.

Keep strong.

I am outraged MM, on behalf of my sons.

to be blunt, nothing surprises me regarding cheating partners & their disregard for their families
that is exactly why you are in you situation
dont enter a verbal fight - do that through solicitors or mediation

am so at his suggestion of kicking you out so council can house you

I am getting depressed - I hate the highs and lows that go hand in hand with this. He has gone out for the day to london, with 1 of the SD's - in the 90 quid sirt I got him for valentines day. yea, I am very sure he's out with her!

Top it all I drempt of havng sex with him last night - whatis going on, that has totall fuckedmy head up this am. I ha now given the kids sweets to shut them up and I know I will py for it later!

funny when you can have sex when ever you want you can not be arsed but my sex drive has taken a sharp upturn now I cant!

How nice ISHE obviously in your best interests to put you in a homeless shelter.
My sis just trying to get a council house apparantly you can be in these shelters up to two years before getting a house
If he thinks it's such a good idea why doesn't he do it ?
Will not be around much next week as am away but take care and stay strong. x

thank LL - I will - I know have to fill all the forms in for legal aid - nightmare! feel like I am lying even to I know I am not. I have never asked anyone for anything since I started working after college I paid my way, and then with P I worked, ran the home, looked after kids, bought everything for them (so he coul still support EW) and cooked and cleaned for him - that was my contribution - obviously it wasn't enough!

Feel a lot more positve that I will get awarded mothan 50% of he equity from under schedule 1 - whoever told me about that I kiss you!

i've killed every thread I have been on today - maybe am turning in to a bitter old bore!

no you're not

well, now he wont even tell me if he is coming home tonight - and I have to take someone to the airport at 6am, guess th boys will have to come to

hi ihih, please listen to everyone and dont leave the house no matter how hard or painful it is, my ex b\f (we were together 15 years now friends on & off) well when he came home from work & caught his then g\f (they were not married but had been together 8 years) haveing it off with her best mates bloke on the floor while their 2yr old son was crying in his cot in the same room "classy". anyway because he left he was not entitled to make a claim on the house as he had left willingly, he had his son everyday from when he was a few wks old as she wanted to return to work in the sandwich shop so he drove a cab at night and had his son in the day but when he sought custody he was denied, the most he got was p/r but that didn,t stop her doing a runner after 6mths with her new man (not the one she was caught with a different one) she changed their sons name by deed poll & and moved over 100 miles away. My ex was told he has no claims on his son even though he has (or had) his surname, he is registered as the boys father and he has to pay maintenance until he leaves full time ed. My ex has since driven the 200 mile round trip every weekend so he can spend time with his son. So if you can bear it, stay & when he is being a sh*t just smile & be nice, you will feel better for not dropping to his level & it will annoy the crap out of him, the stronger you get the angrier he will be that you are just not falling apart and doing what you are told. As for council don't even hold your breath i was just evicted 6mths ago as my h/a sold the building and i was told i could go into temp, with 2 children 18 & 13 it is one room, you share kitchen & bathroom & lounge and i am on a 227 yes 227yr waiting list for 3 bed hse.
I would defo follow mishw advice & keep a record of all the nasty comments and threats as he will dispute everything & make sure all financial matters go through your solicitor. I think the reasons he is holding out on resolving material things is that he thinks if he pushes you hard enough you will walk away from it all to keep some sanity and obviously take your boys, then he can play the victim or "trevor" doesn't want him living with her and until that changes he can carry on playing pretend happy families.
As for DS1 and DS2 i would be extra nice to their daddy when they are around and tell him you love him (even if it sticks in your throat) cause look at what great boys we made and ask him in front of them if he loves you and the boys and while you know its not real your boys will feel better.
I do the same as you when mine still ask if i love their dad and i tell them of course cause he gave me you but i also add that we just stopped being friends like they do with their friends at school sometimes, some days we are some days we are not.
I know its a long reply buy just one more thing, don't blame "trevor" for all this crap 100% of the blame in on DP, he has not been telling her how wonderful you are, that you understand and support him that you are a fab mother and an even better wife, he has probably said you are a money grabbing gin drinking non house cleaning bath avoiding child and husband negelcting harpy. At the moment its new and sparkly but when you are rid of him and she is washing his skid marked boxers and he is dealing with her time of the month and she is bitching cause she doesn't want him coming to yours to see his boys (cause you are now super hot and she is a fishwife) you will have the last laugh, you already have the best he has to offer DS1 and DS2! xxx hope it helps a bit

thanks DAYT - update (seems every day he does something else) his wages have not gne in to the joint account and he has increased the overdraft to 2,800 to cover the bills for this month!

He tells me there was a "glitch" at work and they will go in wednesday - my arse. he is trying in the easiest way to make sure I have some debt to carry forward from this. I just phoned then bank and they have old me that in order to disaccosiate myself frohe bankaccount I will need his signatureon a letter.

What a piece of shit. He has taken the boys out for the day so I feel like shit - I do not want to lose my kids every weekend so he play "what a great dad i am" - I saw him do this to the girls. Driving back from the airport I kept welling up thinking why, why couldnt he have given his chilren the family they deserve, why coulnt he have let us BOTH work our bollocks off to make it work. I dont knowwhy I care, but I do. Now got to clean this house from top to toe in case of viewings in the week and he left me a note asking my to wash his shirts for the week!

I'm with LL. This is taking the piss in a major fashion.

Is the bank account on an either or both signature basis? If on an either, then write and close the bank account down. Open another in your name and transfer any funds into that. Then, when he runs up debts they will be in his name only.

Do you know where Trevor lives? If so, dump his shirts outside her house with a note stating that he wants them washed. If not, go with the food colouring.

I am totally fucking ignoring it - They will stay whereI put them - in a wash basket next to the sad little single bed he likes to sleep in.

I REALLY want to talk to my solicitor, but they wont be open until tuesday. Does anyone have ay experience of filling out forms for lgal aid? its asking if we have any property worth over £500 - well, the plasma tv, this lap top, the dining table and chairs my old engagement rings - does it mean all of this -christ it would be a long list!

Just cling the bathroom - I will be back! (said like arnie!)

i just read back some of this, and i can relate to loads!

exh tried to get me to leave and him stay with the kids, when that didnt work he fled to thailand, transferring a few thousand punds of his debt into my name on my credit cardd, he also kept 900 pounds that ws supposed to go into the bank account to keep the kids, saying he would need it more

oh and he tried to take a few thou in cash out on my cc

i also have a joint account with him , and they said he had to sign to close it down. transferring all the dd's to a new accout would be a nightmare, so i cancelled the dd's in his name only towards his debts, and the lovely lady at the bank cancelled his bank debit card so it couldnt be used (if he applied for another one it would come to my house)

he also threatened me with court, i think he said something like i would be "slaughtered in court" if i pushed him too far so not to piss him off

its all male testosterone bullshit quite frankly

i'm sorry you have to go through this, i hope you get resolution quicker than i am x

DO NOT EVEN THINK OF WASHING HIS SHIRTS _ WHAT A FUCKWIT!!!!!!!! Not even with a red sock - do not stoop to his level, you are so much better than that.

If I were you I would contact his work to find out whats happened - perfectly reasonable - just stay calm when talking to them, if they say thay have paid him don;t take it out on them, go and see you solicitor - in the mean time talk to your bank and find out what you can do - surely he can;t raise the overdraft by himself without your signature, could be wrong though.

he can - I checked that - I can cancel it just as quick tho - but that would result in DD's not beingpaid which would majorly cost and fuck up my credit rating for a new mortgage on my own - financialy (at the moment) he has been by the goolies (obviously his, as he seems o have no balls at the mo

he is the one that wants to sell the house so why the hell am I cleaning it? For want of something else to do and cos is mnging probably - and because as soon as its sold I wont have to see his smug mug quite so much!

I agree with mishw, keep the moral high ground and leave his washing alone, do not cause an argument unless you have to as it will upset you more.
I'd consider contacting the solicitor regarding the bank account and see if they have any recommendations.
Out of interest are you keeeping a log of his texts etc?
As for your children they will in time see your ex husband for what he is when they are older, and they will love you more when they realise the sacrifices you have/will make for them. Maybe not today but one day they will.
Chin up!

ISHE, for gods sake DO NOT clean the fecking house, DO NOT wash his fecking shirts, get yourself to the solicitor and find out how you screw this fuckwit for every bloody penny he has, and if I were you I would clear the feckng bank account out too.