think I may have been right

[isheisnthe]

DP has been very cool with me for about a month after a disaterious weekend away with the family, where he was very nasty and selfish. When we came home he moved in to the spare room and has been there since on and off.

Last week he announced that he wanted to split up - I was shocked. Our relationship (like most peoples) goes in peaks and troughs and I wasn't expecting it. I have begged and pleaded to make this work, esp for the sake of our sons and the fact the majority of the time we do rub along together but he is not interested. I am so shocked, as we are his "second" family after he was left by his first wife and children and he made it clear he had been gutted not living with his children (he still sees them all the time).

now, I know Ishouldn't have but I checked his phone, I found an entry undera mans name (I have NEVER heard him mention this person) hidden in his archive file in the phone. Then I checked his messae counter and it appears he and this"trevor" have been texting each other V regularly, esp late at night. Being as he is constantly walking round with his mobile attached to him I think I may already know the answer o the question I guess I am asking.

I have written the number down - do I ring it? how do Ifind out this persons name (if a woman answers?!)

Sorry if you got this far

my H says Im just after the money for myself - seems to forget that we have 2 children who cost money

yes if HE has them overnight it can affect your maintenance but it has to be a fairly significant number of nights a year

go on the CSA website - I think it shows you how they calculate maintenance

it has to be over 52 nights a year. God I am feeling so so so frustrated - I wish he would just PISS OFF.

I am not dicussing money with him again, at the end of the day his own solicitor told him it was in both our interests to sort it amicably, and he is not doing that. Difference is he has to pay for his legal advice and I don't - this one can run and run.

MM - were they always the idiots they are now??? Surely we didnt choose such fickle, mean spirited people as the fathers of our children????

They were probably lovely until they weren't getting there way anymore ISIH.
Sorry to hear it's not going well. Nail him for every penny
MEN TUT...........

I am going to - he is a prat - I am going to go for 100% and I am going to laugh all the way to the bank

Good for you.

my dad said that some men just arent cut out to be fathers or dont want to be when the kids arrive because as BandofMothers said, suddenly they cant have their own way all the time because the children have needs too.

I guess when they dont want to be part of the family anymore, their true selfish colours are shown

keep strong; dont talk money with him as he will only try to manipulate you or make you feel greedy/guilty

Agree Mistress just tell him any money discussions will hve to go through your solicitor. Am sure that will please him no end. At the end of the day it won't be his decision if he is being an arse about it.
FGS what about his boys what does he seriously expect you to do , send them out to work !
As for Trevor guess the time will come when she has to see his true colours also !

I have contacted my solicitor and told her to go ahead and apply to the courts on behalf of the boys.

I am not cooking or washing his clothes for him anymore, I will not be unpleasant, but I am not not going to make a mug of myself any longer.

I also do not give a rats if he stops paying all the bills - they are all (apart from the mortgage) in his name so it will be him that defaults and when he gets a new place he will find it very hard to get suppliers for gas, electric, phone etc.

Thank you to all of you that have been so supportive, its really appreciated and you have been so good at getting me to stop being such a victim and fight for my rights, and my beautiful, beautiful boys futures [happy]

I have been following the thread and have the utmost sympathy for you.
Can you tell me has he said what he thinks he should give you and the kids? Maybe I have missed this bit earlier.
Strange how people change over time.

Well done you isnthe the boys are lucky to have a mum like you.
Just make sure that you are giving yourself some time too through all this to just do whatever you need.
You may have a tough fight ahead but hopefully he will see sense before it gets too nasty.
Sadly he can't have it all his way and only be amicable if you do as he says.
The solicitor will do her job in the best interest of the boys and that's the main thing.
As for his dirty washing send it to Trevor !

BGD he has offered nothing for the boys - he wants to split the assests 50/50 (while I still have both children to support) - which is all legally I am entitled to as we are not married (he made that mistake already - he is already divorced with older children) but I can not afford a home for the boys on my 50% so I am proposing that he gives me a larger proportion of the equity which will be returned to him on the completion of the boys education, he is not interested in that so I am applying under schedule 1 of the childrens act for the court to award the boys his equity. all going to get very nasty me thicks, but there you go

As for the washing I have removed from our washing basket and put one in his room - next to his sad, spuddy single bed!

Nice to see the estate agent asked you out! I think you should take him up on it just to take your mind off things.
As you said earlier, best to leave it all to the solicitors and not get involved in slanging matches which will just leave a bad atmosphere for you and the children.
Nice to see the support you are getting from here it must be a real boon for you.

ishe so glad you're sounding much more positive and ready to fight for what you and the boys are entitled to.

and good on you not worrying about the bills etc, you're completely right that if they're in his name it will reflect badly on him and he'd be stupid to jeapordise his own future just to spite you.

all you need to worry about is yourself and your beautiful boys.

stay strong. you're doing so well xx

thanks all.

I will get through this and I will be happier. My dad even said that it will be nice to be able to think, F it - cant be arsed to cook and go and get the kids a macys - without having to worry about him moaning his arse off about a few poxy quid!

The liberation of it is slowly seducing me ladies (and gents)

I've also been following this thread, glad to hear you sounding better and directing your anger towards him and not yourself.

Keep at it and don;t let hom get to you again.

isih-I am going to be off line for a couple of days. Moving house today
Just wanted to send you my love and tell you WELL DONE. I'm thinking about you.

its a shaky day for me today

Read some of your first thread spook - it was good to see that you got through such a horrid time and you are now happier....That just feels like such a long way off for me.

I suppose I am feeling crap today as the house is now "online" so it really really is happening

O - and good luck with the house move!

ishe you can get through this and you will.
Just remeber why you are doing this and why your house is online.
Sadly we can't take the hurt away but can just give you some moral support and a virtual shoulder to cry on.
Did he mention the washing ?
How are things with him now , does he just do his own thing ?

its just that seeing our beautiful home, the home that I thought my children would leave home from, the home that we called our "forever home" on the market crushes me. It hurts he could be so so so fucking stupid and selfish.

The thought of the weekend stretching ahead like a void where he pisses off out doing his own thing leaving me with the job of entertaining OUR sons irritates me beyond belief.

Why can he not just piss off and leave our house, at least then I know where I am and I am not living in limbo land with this horrid stranger who used to share my bed

Is it not worth trying to make some formal arrangements now about the boys so at least you could plan some time doing your own thing too ?
I think he really should go and leave you to get on with things. Why has his solicitor advised him to saty. This is going to be hard enough on the boys as it is without him giving you added pressure of being around and you both not speaking.
Will he not discuss the best way to split for the boys ?

he said that he is not interested in providing any extra funds (other than the 50% I am entitled to) - even tho the children will stay with me. I have had no choice but to go through the courts - which will take forever. Unless his solicitor and mine force mediation, which I have already suggested and he is not interested in doing.

I think maybe I am just tired this morning, I have had a cup off coffee and am now getting back to the "i will be better off" phase.

I really hate being so up and down, I feel like a schizophrenic!

what a shit

tell me about it - and he thinks at the end of all this we can be "friends" like him and his EW - he can go and F himself.

DS1 this morning was asking if I didnt love daddy anymore, I told him that ofcourse I loved his daddy, because he is DS1 and DS2's daddy and that makes him a special man. So then he asked if daddy didnt love mummy anymore, and what can I say to that! I just said that I didnt really know what daddy thought about mummy and DS1 said "he is always quite cross at you isnt he mummy"

I said that sometimes grown ups can get cross with each other but that was why we had decided everyone would be much happier if mummy and daddy lived in different houses, and that he and DS2 would live with mummy but still see daddy all the time.

isheisnthe - haven't posted before but have been following your story - you sound fantastically strong, well done.

And I think we should have a whipround and get your XP one of these