Can't forgive DP's fuck up

[CougheeBean]

DP has always been shit with money. He can't seem to be able to figure out how much he spends in relation to what he earns. We only have a joint account for bills and a small pot of (my) savings with the understanding that he may only 'borrow' from the savings account when there are issues with his pay, as I was becoming stressed with him asking to borrow money from me every few months.

It's all gone. We won't even have enough to pay rent and bills next week - not without me subsidising by several hundred pounds from my own savings. He's spent all of the savings. Half of what I contributed to the bills this month. And everything he's earned.

I have been under so much stress and we argued yesterday over him failing to offer any help, either practically or financially (we have had a very expensive problem this month, my savings are in tatters - he hasn't contributed a thing). I guess now I know why.

I can't believe he's been so selfish and greedy. That was never his money to spend. It was a gesture so that he wouldn't have to beg and grovel for bus money when his pay was messed up. He's nothing but a man child and I have never been so disappointed in him. We spoke about this last month - when the situation wasn't as bad. I offered to contribute more towards bills as long as he promised to repay what he owes me. He spent more. And he spent the extra £200 I put towards bills, it's gone. I don't get paid again for 3 weeks.

There's no coming back from this, is there.

If he really, really won't leave then you have two choices:

1) Give notice to the LL and move out yourself.

Whatever you do - do not do this. Do NOT leave this man in the house. You are the only named person on the tenancy so if he stayed, or returned (so it's essential you change the locks - change the barrel and then you can change it back at the end of your tenancy) then YOU would be responsible for the rent whilst the LL had to evict him plus you could be respoinsible for court costs.

He can't stay indoors forever. Pack his stuff and get a locksmith.

If he calls the police then you tell them the truth - he's been staying in your flat with you, but now that you know he's stolen from you you no longer want him there. He has no rights to be there at all.

Btw the dyslexia/dyspraxia thing doesn't excuse him at all. My BIL has both of those and he knows it makes dealing with money difficult. So, he sat down with MIL and created a budget for each month. Each week he checks that the money in the bank is correct (he knows what he should have) and he takes out a set amount and then works in cash. Being dyslesic and/or dyspraxic makes things more difficult, but it tends to make people work harder, not shrug their shoulders and think "ah well, my oh will sort it if I mess it up"

Tell him it's over and he has to move out!

He's denying all knowledge. I've even sent him screenshots of texts 3 weeks ago from me saying " you need to sort this out you owe me over £1000 now" and him saying "it's ok I'll do anything to fix it" - apparently he didn't know what I was talking about. I honestly want to smash my head into a brick wall at least I would make more progress than I am by talking to him.

He's trying to gaslight me but he's too thick to do it well.

Sounds like he's about to lose job 101

To be honest it doesn't sound there's any real point to arguing, trying to prove anything, sending screenshots of texts etc - You can't reason with stupid. Just get him out of your life, whatever it takes to make that happen do it. Someone like that would terrify me to be honest as you never know what pile of shit you could uncover financially. If he's happy to steal and cheat off you (and likely previous bosses/jobs) what other nightmares are you going to uncover?

There's no way back from this. He has to go. But you know this...
He won't go easily (why would he? roof over his head and a cash machine) but do not give in.

He's lying to you. He's just denying it because it suits him. He cannot be of such low intelligence like he's making out. If he was he really should not be living independantly and would need to be in assisted living as he cannot function as an adult, and you giving him access to your funds was your own fault.

Is this your impression of him? That he's not a selfish, sly, lazy thief, he simply doesn't have the mental capacity to function as an adult?

Pack a bag and tell him to get out. He can't afford to live there any more and you are sick of subsidising him.
What a prick!!!!!

Yes, get him out.

I'd get his signature on the removal of your name from joint account and the repayment agreement before I kicked him out. I even wouldn't be above 'if you sign this and this you can stay' and THEN kicking him out about 10 days down the road.

If you kick him out he won't sign shit. Losing the money he owes you may be worth it, but having to remain on an account with him would not. You may have removed access, but he can get that back through the bank.

Oh my days u really do need to cut your losses with this manchild and keep all your hard earned cash to yourself there is no way that he can just 'treat' you both with them sums of cash unless he's buying expensive items and not just alcohol...sounds like he has a gambling problem as that's why he lies as to not knowing how much etc, and probs also is at home today as he knows that the shots gonna hit the fan...I would just get rid of him and throw his stuff out..he's made his bed and can now lie in it...and so sorry to hear about your dog also.

You're only going to annoy yourself more trying to get him to suddenly own his shit. Time for the hard face and get him out. Circular chats will have him still leeching off you in a years time!

You know he's done it. That's all that matters.

Ask him to open his bank account statement and then show him all the transfers of money from your joint account into his account. Then get him to sign the repayment agreement and get out.

Or... forget it and kick him out. Pack his stuff, take to his parents or leave outside, change locks. And do not engage further with him.

Cur your losses, give up on him as it's not going to change. Just get away.

You need to check for any wonga type loans, credit cards etc... associated with you/your address/your account.

He says he wants to talk and that he won't leave. That he'll live off £20 a week until it's all paid back. I don't fucking care and I don't even believe him.

Hopefully he'll let me pick up pet and some clothes tonight and I'll see if a friend can take me in. He's complaining that the electric PAYG meter has run out and that he has no access to my account to buy more - hoping that this will drive him out with no wifi/TV/eventually no phone before the end of the day tomorrow.... Even if my fridge will be rank

Why are you arguing with him? Why are you trying to prove to him what you know happened?

Unless you have an addiction to getting frustrated, why are you not sorting this out once and for all by removing his stuff from your home?

Are you frightened of his reaction?

Just reply with "you should have though about how to pay the bills before you spent all your wages and emptied the joint account".

Get his signature on the paperwork to remove him from the accounts before you go.

Coughee why are you leaving your flat? Be very careful with that - you don't want to do anything that implies he has any right to be there.

"Hopefully he'll let me pick up pet and some clothes tonight" - if he won't let you into your flat then call the police.

If you do kick him out, try and have him removed from your credit file - if you have a joint account you will be financially tied to him.

And yes priority is getting him off my joint account!! Tomorrow lunch I'll get all the direct debits moved anyway but I need to keep some funds in there for bills which are coming out imminently.

He's complained about a new guy at work who spends all his lunches in casinos. MMhmm.

Go and get your dog and some clothes. Can a friend go with you?

Just send him one more text.

‘I don’t love you anymore, this is over. Pack your stuff and be gone by time I get home, I don’t want to have to call the police, but I will if you are still there or if any of my stuff is missing. Don’t bother replying, just pack and leave’.

Then I’d go home early, with a mate (preferably a rather intimidating one) and make sure he’s not taking stuff that’s not his.

Tell him to go or you will press charges for theft. Not for the joint account - that cannot be theft, but for the savings that were in your name only.