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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

GLAM & FAB TOUR - MEMBERS MEETING POINT!!!

998 replies

Ifonlyhewould · 09/05/2007 12:32

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind, ive started this thread to save hijacking the thread of others.

I thought we could use it to attract attention of the other members if needed or whatever

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ohsmellyjelly · 25/05/2007 15:25

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melminx · 25/05/2007 15:40

nothing like a bit of flirting to cheer anyone up. Mls try to have a good time.

osj hope the talk with dh goes well. I shall be around as im taking laptop to mums tonight then she is coming to me tomorrow so i can take her to the airport sunday ( i thought she was going teuesday? )

And some either i have to take pram to tunbridge wells or they are coming here! busy weekend.

macdoodle · 25/05/2007 18:16

Enjoy the gig same happened to me had meatloaf tickets and hotel room booked as part of our "reconciliation" and his stupid Ex OW caused a massive fight so I wne t by myself - had a great time lovely hotel room fab bath great show chatted up by bloke and shared taxi back - ordered room service at midnight (just me I might add) and had great nights sleep and lie in...brill - oh and Dh was jealous as shit worried about me all night and pissed off he missed show RESULT

mylittlestar · 25/05/2007 18:23

macdoodle

and I agree there's nothing like harmless flirting to cheer a girl up!!

I wouldn't subject any man to any more than that though... imagine if someone asked me how I was... he'd be sorry!!

going soon. told dh before about it as i was so angry that i couldn't hold onto him for one more day to have the bloody night out! (like it really matters in the scheme of things!) he has asked to come along - but i stood my ground and said no way am i having half measures again, him coming along for the good stuff then running off again when it comes to the difficult bits. no way!
(must admit i was tempted to say yes - but i remembered my anger and stood my ground!)

onwards and upwards...

have a good evening everyone xx

macdoodle · 25/05/2007 18:27

Well done you
You are where I was a year ago and doing so much better than I did I kept giving in and he just kept abusing my trust and lying running away - keep going ...I don't know if DH and I will ever work this out I am not even sure I still love him but what you are doing standing up to him is the right thing that I know and if it is meant to be be then maybe one day it will be

Fubsy · 25/05/2007 20:01

MLS - sorry its finally come to this, when youve been so posituve all along. Some men dont know when theyre well off I think.

MacD - sorry youve had such a hard time too! But love the meatloaf story.

PC - what planet is he on! Lets pretend bnothing ever happened! I know none of you would do it - youre too strong - but it never occurs to them that everything woudnt be as they left it - that they could be coming back to a child in care and a DW in hosp from an overdose.

macdoodle · 25/05/2007 20:59

dd with her dad tonight having bit of panic now - scared being pg scared of childbirth (didn't do it well last time) scared of new baby (again nappies bf sleepless nights)....
don't know whats gonna happen with dh was hard enough last time he is selfish twat and this time he will have so much more to prove and OW baby will be on scene -oh dear feel selfish and ungrateful but really really scared reality hitting now

ernest · 26/05/2007 06:36

morning all.

mls, sorry it's come to this, after all your efforts, it's doubly astoiunding that he just can't be arsed. So he wants a few weeks/months/years break from family life/parenthood??? Bloody hell, it just beggars belief. How many of us here are putting up with no end of shit from flakey men, it should be US running for the hills!!!!!

Anyway, mini rant over. How was the gig? Who was it? Any good flirting? Hangover? How come you have such a great social life?

macdoodle glad to see you've joined us Welcome. I must've been thinking of you, cos I dreamt last night I was pg. It was so real I only just realised I'm not! Good luck. Will this be your 2nd dc? what happened 1st time will probably be so different 2nd time, honest. All my 3 births were totally different.

I'm not clear tho, is he back living with you and you 2 trying to make a go of it? Is it all over with OW but he's still in touch cos she's also pg? Can you fill me in, cos got a bit lost there.

Finally, pc, sorry, I've scrolled down and can't find it, so what's going on? Has dh been in touch? Face to face, e-mail, phone? Whad'he say? Have you seen him?

I honestly would have to hide the rolling pin/ and blunt, heavy objects if it were me. You deserve a bloody medal for still being able to put one foot in front of the other. It's mental torture it really is. Hope you're ok, whatever's going on.

And to end, my weeks' been up and down. Things seem to be going ok with dh, but then this last week he's been late for one reason or another EVERY bloody night. Ending last night with a call to say he's sorry, but he forgot to tell me about office drinks to celebrate them moving building blah blah blah. Honestly, it's must be a laught a minute working there, they have a friggin party at the drop of a hat. This was the 2nd apero this week to celebrate them moving building. They're only going a mile up the road for goodness sake. Anyway, that really pissed me off, cos we'd agreed no last minute no notice going out, and it was a clear reminder what it was like during the affair, me putting all the boys into bed on my own every night, cooking cleaning, wondering where he really was.
He was at least very apologetic. And I've insisted on a day off this weekend, tho I think that's to be today, yet I'm up at 6.30 with ds3 Still, I get to watch power rangers and catch up with you lot

hi dior & hope you're feeling better iohw

And mel, sorry I don't know what to say. A lot of my men rant to mls goes for you too I guess. How does it work with 6 kids? I mean, I've got 3, and going to my mum's for a visit is a bloody nightmare of ready beds and trying to squeeze everyone in? What ages are they?

Paddlechick666 · 26/05/2007 09:25

hi everyone, so sorry to hear that everyone's going thru such crap.

also sorry not to have been around much but have been very busy at work also am in a bit of a dark place tbh so not communicating very well. sorry.

msn group has had another membership request but not given their MN name.....

is it you Mac? I've emailed you whoever you are so please respond with your MN nickname (rather than mine or MLS's!) and I will approve your membership.

MLS, heart is breaking for you. it's so so so familiar to me. the declarations of love and desire to make things work which they are incapable of turning into hard fact and evidence of that.

i haven't replied to h's texts of thursday night. really don't know what to say to him. haven't had time to really think about it tbh. of course, there's no real need to reply. he hasn't asked to see dd, or me for that matter, so..........

Dior · 26/05/2007 09:28

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macdoodle · 26/05/2007 10:42

Hi nope wasn't me on MSN TBH try and avoid MSN as spend so much time on net worried might become addict how do i join anyhow???
In a brief nutshell - after I found out about affair he spent 6 months playing both of us lying to me begging me to take him back whilst still seeing her and according to her telling her same - however I have seen her texts and heard her voicemails to him and she really is bunny boiler stalker type and pursued him relentlessly even when he said he was coming back (yes he could have said no but she should have walked away instead she got herself PG thinking he would leave me for her)...we are living apart but "talking" about trying again ...I am really not sure my trust is gone gone gone and still so very angry and hurt for all the lies and so sad that out of this she gets his baby (the most precious thing) - she is already using it against him nasty texts etc - so we have seen solicitor she should have had letter telling her not to contact either of us or we will take injunction out and any communication re her baby must be through solicitor - she is going to make this as hard on all of us as possible I suspect her baby included she just wants her own way whatever it takes
I don't want to end up messy divorce as he is good dad and want him to have relationship with my kids and not have to fight all the time just not sure if I want him - unfortunately he is not prepared to let me go (really not sure if its not so much that he doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to have me??)...also I am driving force (and breadwinner) behind our/his business and property and TBH I don't think he can make it work alone - he denies money etc is reason to stay together but he must be thinking he will lose his nice lifestyle if we divorce
Well not so brief and sounds like a movie wouldn't believe this could be my life 18 months ago

macdoodle · 26/05/2007 10:44

oh and so sorry and angry for everyone else - we all sound so normal and sensible I just don't get how easy it is for them to throw it all away

mylittlestar · 26/05/2007 12:29

macdoodle I think we are all (farily!) normal and sensible but these men just have no idea what they have got

your situation is very similar to mine - obviously still early days for me, but dh went back to seeing her, while declaring his love for me... so even after she had told us she was pregnant after the first time he finished with her. and dh was very aware of how desperate she was to have a child. however, he continued to sleep with her without using a condom, she stopped taking her pill (without telling him), and only a few weeks ago when I saw her she was clearly gutted that she had got her period and wasn't pregnant! ranted and raved at me saying "did you know your husband is firing blanks?"

my husband doesn't even have brains in his knob! just no brains at all by the look of it!!

gig was a good laugh though! got talking to a few people - and got invited to go on a date tonight by a nice bloke!! he was a couple of years younger than me, but really nice looking and seemed ok! I took his number, rather than just say no way! But I will be having a quiet night in with ds I think!!

pc I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time. probably wise not to reply. let him start to wonder why for once.
it really is mental torture, in every way. I wish I could find the words to make things better

Paddlechick666 · 26/05/2007 12:36

okay, just popping in again. think i've figured out who's applied for the msn group. will send an email to you all for group approval.......

mls, glad gig was good! hope you're going out with this guy tonight too!!!! wish i had your youth, stamina and stunning looks not to mention social life LOL!

mac, come on over to our MSN group. i just started it so we could have somewhere more private to catch up. you have to apply to join giving me your MN name in the application. generally if it's someone who's posted regular on our MN threads and we "know" them I approve immediately. so that'd be you lol.

the group is groups.msn.com/FabulousGlamorousOnTour sorry haven't linked it but too tired right now.

there is a thread called "your story" you can read all about us all. it is a private group so please don't repeat specifics in the MN threads. my post on MSN group is very personal so please don't make reference on MN. Ta

okay, gotta run.
x

ohsmellyjelly · 26/05/2007 14:19

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Dior · 26/05/2007 14:22

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Ifonlyhewould · 26/05/2007 14:34

Hi OSJ

Just try not to take him being cold towards you personally, don't feel responsible for it. Just try to see it as his own way of dealing with whats going on. You try to focus on yourself and the children and give him the space he needs to sort his own mind out. Don't try to make him feel better (for want of a better expression, ive not got all my faculties about me yet so please excuse me ) just let him work through his feelings.

I'm thinking of you, just wish I could be of more help. Take good care XX

OP posts:
ohsmellyjelly · 26/05/2007 14:48

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Ifonlyhewould · 26/05/2007 14:56

Yes OSJ, men runaway and talk to no one, they just have their ownselves to talk to because it's not seen as 'manly' to admit they have problems. We run away to MN and gibber away our problems on here I think we are very lucky to have each other, we are very lucky that we have the ability to talk about and share our problems, I would so hate to be a man, trapped in my own mind.

If he turns to you and says he wants to saty, that he wants for this relaionship to work out, will that make you happy or send you into panic?

I'm ok, thank you for asking

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Ifonlyhewould · 26/05/2007 14:57

please excuse spelling errors. still waiting for brain to catch up with body!

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ohsmellyjelly · 26/05/2007 15:09

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ohsmellyjelly · 26/05/2007 15:11

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Ifonlyhewould · 26/05/2007 15:24

OSJ a few months ago my life here was awful. I hated it with a vengence!! All i did was dream about leaving. We had got stuck in such a rut. I can only speak for myself but I was blaming him for my being unhappy and this caused me to resent him. I could not stand the bloody sight of him!!!

Because it wasn't possible for me to just up and leave (no money, no where to go) i decided to take matters into my own hand to make make things more bearable for me whilever I was here. I distanced myself from DH, focussed on me. I removed the focus from him and whatever was happening at the time and i switched it to me and how whatever was happening made me feel. I then dealt with my feelings without offloading (or nagging if you like) him. This made for a much more plreasnat atmosphere and Dp started responding in a positive way. I would never ever have believed things could have changed round the way they have. its been remarkable and I can quite honestly say ive not felt this happy in such a long time. And i feel even happier at the thought of it getting better and better as we have quite a way to go yet but I'm looking forward to it rather than dreading it.

Do you think there might be a way that you and DH can work on things without having to separate or is separation something you personally would prefer? I just sense that all is not lost between you two, that there is still some love between you but you have just lost direction a little bit.
Forgive me if i'm wrong though. But I do love a happy ending

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LilyLoo · 26/05/2007 15:51

Just a quick five minutes all wanted to say i'm so for you all.
You all deserve so much better than this.
Maybe if your dh's are too stupid to realise how lucky they are it's time to give someone else the opprtunity.
I am going to be away for this week so wanted to let you know i will be thinking of you all. Am off to Chicago with my dp , some much needed quality time together.
Take care everyone x

Ifonlyhewould · 26/05/2007 15:54

Have a lovely time Lily xx

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