Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Family breaking apart due to family dog

130 replies

Michellem2321 · 21/03/2018 17:03

Sorry this is my first time on this and I've not really got a clue! Sorry if this is all wrong. Anyway I was looking for some advice if possible. I'm a 30 year old mother of 2 kids boy 11 girl 6. I've been with their father nearly 14 years. My relationship is miserable at the moment, has been for many years. My partner is jealous controlling over bearing and very possessive. I never saw it for many years, put it down to his love for me but after many years of feeling sick thinking of going home after night shifts, I finally found an article stating 13 ways you know your in a controlled relationship. He ticks every box, also has this Jekyll and Hyde personality, makes me feel useless then a Queen within days! Anyway I confronted him and he admitted he can be this way and promised to get help and change. This has happened in some areas I must admit however his dark side appears every so often as always!!

Anyway he has always pressured me for a dog, his brother was allergic as kids and he's always wanted one!! I got him a puppy before we had our son and he was horrible and a bully to her, after I gave birth I couldn't handle it all and my dad took dog. I vowed never get another animal again. However I've been guilt tripped for years and years then having kids on his side saying I'm selfish and stopping them getting what they want bla bla, so I caved. I got my son a Siberian husky (again his father choice dog) nearly 3 years ago. I cannot cope with the hair it's everywhere literally ruining my full flat. I can't even enjoy my food it's all over, kids can't play on floor. And I'm a clean freak I spend hours brushing her to reduce hair but Nothing works. I'm also a bit scared of her as she's snarled and snaps a few times although never action harmed anyone. My man says that's her being cheeky she'd never harm anyone. I can't even enjoy food anymore, I think I'm eating hair constant, I only eat packet of crisps most times through day. I've told my partner I can no longer live like this, I want a clean fresh home I'm proud of, I work hard and I want kids be able play anywhere or drop a sweet and it not be caked in hair. My partner has said I'm such an evil monster he hopes my kids hold it against me forever too. I'm really stuck, am I a monster for not being able settle with dog? She's not bad or anything it just makes me terribly miserable. She's also very hyper and has hurt my shoulder and back a few times, never behaves outside. I am at the end of my tether, should I keep dog and continue to suffer or should I stick to my guns? I've told my partner if he is so attached he should go with dog? I know he'll only hold it against me forever if he stayed anyway. Thanks guys X

OP posts:

colditz · 21/03/2018 17:07

Why in God's name are you trying to keep a Siberian Husky in a flat?

You know they are working dogs, they aren't pets! They are bred to run and pull and run and pull and literally nothing else.

Rehome her. You cannot give her the life she needs.

As for your partner telling you you're an evil monster, does he always speak to you like dogshit?

sonjadog · 21/03/2018 17:08

I think there are two issues here. Firstly, a Siberian husky is an extremely active dog that should be living somewhere that she can be outside a lot of the time. To have a husky in a flat is generally not a good idea. It sounds like she needs to be rehomed.

The second issue is your relationship with your husband. he sounds unpleasant. Are you sure you want to stay with him? Would you not be happier alone?

MimpiDreams · 21/03/2018 17:10

Why in God's name are you trying to keep a Siberian Husky in a flat?

^^ This 100%

Get rid of your partner, he sounds like a complete arse, and get him to take his poor neglected status dog with him.

AdalindSchade · 21/03/2018 17:12

It's not the dog that's ruining your family it's the controlling bully you live with!
You need to rehome the dog and rehome the horrible husband.

Cambionome · 21/03/2018 17:14

Get rid of partner and dog. You will be much happier without them.

Original poster

Michellem2321 · 21/03/2018 17:15

Yes they are working dogs I read it all before I got her, again I agreed to a small dog like one kids could comfortably take out back etc, we do have plenty space for dog run around out there but she's wayyy to strong for me let alone kids. I met him when I was 16 he was 22. Made me feel so safe and first person who really noticed me, having had a shit start! He was more charming guy ever still can be. I feel responsible for him I'm scared if I throw him out what will happen?? May sound silly and weak to a lot of you! Me especially I was a head strong girl growing up! God knows what happened.

OP posts:

Carouselfish · 21/03/2018 17:15

Idiot man. Please rehome the dog. She sounds terribly frustrated. Wrong breed choice.

user1499333856 · 21/03/2018 17:17

Ask your partner to take the dog with him.

HarrietKettle · 21/03/2018 17:18

A Siberian Huskey is pretty much the wrong breed choice for most people. That was a ludicrous thing to do. Please get it rehomed properly through a shelter that understands the breed.

AdalindSchade · 21/03/2018 17:20

You need a relationships/Domestic abuse intervention. Can you get hold of 'why does he do that' by lundy Bancroft to read? Get on the women's aid website and have a read. Also read about co-dependency.

colditz · 21/03/2018 17:29

You need some help from Womensaid.

0808 2000 247

I'm not going to link to the website in case he has a keylogger on your computer. but when you get the chance, ring that number. you may not be able to get through so keep trying

This is an abusive relationship, it IS 'that bad' and people will believe you. It's very telling that you've been with him since you were a child of 16 - men like that often prefer someone much younger as they're easier to control.

This isn't about the dog. The dog is just another shitty stick to beat you with.

So here's how to handle the dog. Show the children that all the iformation says she is a working breed and needs a different home. then take her to the Dog's Trust, who really will rehome her properly with someone who has a lot of space, strength and time. That's just the right thing to do for her, and you need to show your children what the right thing is. Make sure they understand that it is CRUEL to keep a working dog in a small flat - that you didn't properly realise before, but you do now.

And then do it.

About your horrible partner who will definitely have a paddy when you go against his orders.

If he starts shouting and throwing things, hitting items or people, or blocking you from leaving or getting to your children, that is physical abuse and intimidation and you can call the police and have him removed. be sure that when they ask you if you are pressing charges, you say YES. He will cry and beg. It's all part of the cycle of abuse.

This man isn't a poor uncontrolled baby. He knows exactly what he's doing.

angryburd · 21/03/2018 17:35

Let's be honest OP, the dog isn't the issue here.

Notevilstepmother · 21/03/2018 17:36

This is not about the dog. Please get help from women’s aid or a local domestic abuse charity

BastardGoDarkly · 21/03/2018 17:36

Oh op. Everything colditz said with bells on

Cricrichan · 21/03/2018 17:41

Two different things.

You're in a controlling relationship -get out.

Having a husky in a flat is really unfair on the dog!

Gide · 21/03/2018 17:41

Kick him out, rehome the poor bloody dog. Why do people get such inappropriate breeds for their lifestyles?

Original poster

Michellem2321 · 21/03/2018 17:41

Thank you @colditz that's great and very supportive.
Yes I know it wasn't a good idea like I said i never wanted an animal let alone one as big, I voiced all my concerns and was adamant to begin with. However who knows maybe I am just a push over. The dog i know it's the main issue but I just wanted make sure I'm not a horrible mother for getting their dog rehomed. Thank you again colditz for the advice of showing them online info about huskys. Thank you all for taking time to reply.

OP posts:

SossidgeRoll · 21/03/2018 17:42

You need to rehome your DH.

Blackteadrinker77 · 21/03/2018 17:44

I really feel for this dog. Irresponsible owners getting pets that do not fit their home or lifestyle then fail to train them and the poor animal gets shunted out.

I hope it gets a decent home. Let a reputable rescue centre re home it, don't just give it away or sell it.

elbowlicker · 21/03/2018 17:44

Colditz that is really bad advice. The husband is bound to flip and potentially become physical if his dog has been re-homed against his wishes AND while he is out.

Dragongirl10 · 21/03/2018 17:44

Op l second what all the above posters have said, it was reckless and cruel to get such a powerful breed dog in a flat, and without the time and skill to handle it.
Huskys need to run for miles each day, and need a competent person for training. Please don't say you researched the breed as you clearly didn't or didn't care about the dog.This breed can become snappy in the wrong environment, you have to rehome immediately( l recommend the Dogs Trust)

You are in a horribly abusive relationship, and need to get help from Womans Aid, read Lundy Bancrofts, Why does he do that, book.

Stop making excuses for the vile man you live with, get a firm grip on your and your Dcs future, rehome the dog, make an exit plan and go.

Ravenesque · 21/03/2018 17:44

I'm guessing you don't know too much about dogs - not a criticism - which made it easy for him to decide that a Siberian husky was a good choice of dog for a child/for him. They are gorgeous dogs, but they are not easy and they need a LOT of exercise and outdoor space as others have indicated.

My guess is either he doesn't know a thing about dogs either, or, and this is far more likely, he chose a difficult dog to make life difficult for you. Re hairs, any sort of poodle/doodle would have been a great choice. They're loving, easier going and they don't shed hair. In the future if you decide to get another dog for your children, this is a good bet for you and your need for cleanliness.

But that really is only half the problem. Or a quarter of the problem. Your husband is the problem. He is still controlling, still nasty, still doing all he can to make your life difficult, still blaming you for everything and probably doing the same to the children as well.

You need to rehome the dog. It's not her fault, but she's not right for you or your home. She needs more freedom. Then you need to rehome your husband. He will always be what he is and he is no good for you or your children. I echo above posts and yes, try to contact someone for help. I really feel for you.

Original poster

Michellem2321 · 21/03/2018 17:49

It seems to be like a new craze if I'm honest, there is huskies all around here again all in flats! I have said it's cruelty I also contacted dogstrust who were helpful but my partner said a family member was going take dog so could stay in family? They have more time and bigger house? Never happened though. And sometimes you get pressured so much you cave, unless you are in my shoes please don't make assumptions that these decisions were easy, they were not. I always put everyone before myself and their happiness. It's not so me any favours though

OP posts:

Thequeenisdeadboys · 21/03/2018 17:51

I got him a puppy before we had our son and he was horrible and a bully to her, Couldn't read much more than this !! He was horrible to the dog ?!!! and you got him another one?! I can't believe it !

MsGameandWatching · 21/03/2018 17:55

OP was clearly coerced into getting the dog just as she is being coerced into living with an abusive arsehole. This is an abusive situation. I think advice on what to do with the dog now and how to get out of this awful, relationship is more appropriate than expressing horror and disgust at keeping a husky in a flat.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6