Family breaking apart due to family dog

[Michellem2321]

Sorry this is my first time on this and I've not really got a clue! Sorry if this is all wrong. Anyway I was looking for some advice if possible. I'm a 30 year old mother of 2 kids boy 11 girl 6. I've been with their father nearly 14 years. My relationship is miserable at the moment, has been for many years. My partner is jealous controlling over bearing and very possessive. I never saw it for many years, put it down to his love for me but after many years of feeling sick thinking of going home after night shifts, I finally found an article stating 13 ways you know your in a controlled relationship. He ticks every box, also has this Jekyll and Hyde personality, makes me feel useless then a Queen within days! Anyway I confronted him and he admitted he can be this way and promised to get help and change. This has happened in some areas I must admit however his dark side appears every so often as always!!

Anyway he has always pressured me for a dog, his brother was allergic as kids and he's always wanted one!! I got him a puppy before we had our son and he was horrible and a bully to her, after I gave birth I couldn't handle it all and my dad took dog. I vowed never get another animal again. However I've been guilt tripped for years and years then having kids on his side saying I'm selfish and stopping them getting what they want bla bla, so I caved. I got my son a Siberian husky (again his father choice dog) nearly 3 years ago. I cannot cope with the hair it's everywhere literally ruining my full flat. I can't even enjoy my food it's all over, kids can't play on floor. And I'm a clean freak I spend hours brushing her to reduce hair but Nothing works. I'm also a bit scared of her as she's snarled and snaps a few times although never action harmed anyone. My man says that's her being cheeky she'd never harm anyone. I can't even enjoy food anymore, I think I'm eating hair constant, I only eat packet of crisps most times through day. I've told my partner I can no longer live like this, I want a clean fresh home I'm proud of, I work hard and I want kids be able play anywhere or drop a sweet and it not be caked in hair. My partner has said I'm such an evil monster he hopes my kids hold it against me forever too. I'm really stuck, am I a monster for not being able settle with dog? She's not bad or anything it just makes me terribly miserable. She's also very hyper and has hurt my shoulder and back a few times, never behaves outside. I am at the end of my tether, should I keep dog and continue to suffer or should I stick to my guns? I've told my partner if he is so attached he should go with dog? I know he'll only hold it against me forever if he stayed anyway. Thanks guys X

OP get yourself and dc and the dog out of this situation.
Contact your local animal welfare charity and ask them to take your dog.
Contact women s aid and get practical help.
You don't have to stay in this situation.
Good luck

Thats the problem OP.....'I always put everyone before myself'

Stop that right now!

Hold yourself in a lot more regard OP, why are you worth less than anyone else? you are equally deserving of respect and happiness as anyone including your vile DH.

Of course as parents we often put our childrens needs ahead of ours and that is fine, but not with adults at the expense of ourselves.

Time to start making the decisions you would like to see a beloved friend make, what would you advise a friend in your shoes to do? Not to put up with abuse and bullying l am sure.

If you really cannot consider yourself important enough to make good decisions for you and Dcs, consider how you would advise your DD in this situation, what would you want for her? Not this life....

Please take the dog to The Dogs Trust, they will take good care of him.
Get help to plan your exit from this man, good luck.

1. regime the dog, as pps have said it’s ridiculous.

2. end your relationship, the first red flag was that you were a 16 yr old child and he was a 22yr old adult. Nobody normal at 22 wants to date a child.

3. you need some counselling. Only eating crisps is clearly abnormal and it sounds like you’re trying to exercise control over your life in the only way you can and risking an eating disorder in the process.

I’m going to say something that might piss you off, but DO NOT have any more children with this wanker. I’ve read too many threads on here from women who feel they can’t leave because they’re pregnant to some abusive arse. I’ve also known too many women that think having another child will ‘fix’ a marriage, usually because their abusing shit head has suggested it.

That poor dog is already showing signs of stress and boredom. It’s only a matter of time before someone gets bit. Btw, why are you looking after the dog? Dick head wants to keep it, leave ALL its care up to him.

@Dragongirl10 I did do research like i said i was adamant to begin with I would not get this type of dog or any that casts for that? Yes it isn't cruel she has company all day as I'm nightshift but still agree she would be better with a bigger home. I'm not disagreeing. I question my own sanity constantly I felt it was all wrong hence why I've came here to ask other peoples opinions. No one is perfect I've made a mistake I'm not cruel would never hurt any animal, wouldn't dream of it. Nor would give her away without knowing she'll be safe

Advice about the dog - we have a husky (and a super fluffy extra hairy one at that!) to keep on top of hair she is groomed every 3 months, I brush her occasionally inbetween or sometimes pets at home do a bath and brush for £15 which is easier (but isn't a full groom) yes she does still leave fur but not anymore than your average long haired dog with this routine. I actually spend more on my dogs hair than my own!! I hoover everyday and this keeps it from getting everywhere! Huskies are lovely dogs but they need a stern hand, mine is a complete dope but she knows I'm boss, followed by partner and kids then she comes last! She started off as DH dog but she is completely mine now, maybe doing some classes with her and lots of nice walks. (Halti and a extendable lead or a walking belt is good - our husky does still pull however I have seen some trained out of it and we probably haven't been tight enough in this)

In regards to the partner he sounds pretty toxic, like PP have said perhaps get in touch with woman's aid and get some advice.

Both the husky dog and your partner need to be gone from your life asap.

This man targeted you deliberately at 16 because he saw someone i.e. you he can and has indeed exploited to his own ends. You had a rough start and he leapt on that fact. His idea to get this unsuitable dog for your flat is also another way of controlling you; this dog is purely a status symbol for him.

Dogs Trust would take good care of this dog.

Such men as well never change.

Would you want your son to treat women like his dad treats you, currently you are showing both these children that your relationship is acceptable to you on some level. What do you still get out of this?.

Please rehome both the dog and your awful partner. You don't need either in your life. I agree with others who are encouraging you to contact Women's Aid, you need their support. Your life can be so much better.

Op you are still not taking responsability for your actions, the dog does not just need a bigger home, he needs 3+ miles a day off lead....Huskys are bred to run they are sledge dogs who can run 40 miles in a day and they are at their happiest doing just that.

My Dh has always wanted a Husky and although we live in a house with large garden, l have said no, and we have had 2 much easier breeds, l still take them to woods for 1.5 hours a day and let them run free in addition to an on lead walk later EVERY day, even Xmas day.

Please face the fact you need to rehome your dog and it was a mistake.

Then as others have said rehome DH but l wouldn't care where!

Yup you did make a mistake. It's ok though you can put things right. Get the dog rehomed and don't get any more pets. Then definitely focus on what you need to be healthy and happy because you're not and haven't been for a long time.

@AttilaTheMeerkat yeah your very very right and being a good mum is all I care about. I have no idea how I became so damn weak

@crazymumofthree thank you

@Curious1981 it's because comments like yours that people scared are to open up. I'm not saying I'm innocent I agree I made a huge error I was overpowered and weak. I still do all I can with what I have for that'll dog. I've tried dogstrust but it's difficult to do this when you have no backing and feel your family are against you.

@MsGameandWatching thank you xx

The poor dog. Is your partner a Game of Thrones fan?

@PositivelyPERF thank you x

@Wornoutbear that's an interesting question? Yes he is very much so and she is very like the wolves

OP you know how on a plane they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others?

Please start by contacting Woman's Aid. You are not pathetic you are the victim of abuse. You need support to end your relationship.

Yes, the dog needs rehoming. But please look after you first.

@ Ravenesque

Thank you

You're not weak op you're a victim of abuse and have been for many years it sounds like. Please do contact women's aid and plan to leave this relationship and either dog goes with or better is rehomed.

I agree rehoming the dog secretly while still with partner is potentially dangerous - don't recommend that at all.