Family breaking apart due to family dog

[Michellem2321]

Sorry this is my first time on this and I've not really got a clue! Sorry if this is all wrong. Anyway I was looking for some advice if possible. I'm a 30 year old mother of 2 kids boy 11 girl 6. I've been with their father nearly 14 years. My relationship is miserable at the moment, has been for many years. My partner is jealous controlling over bearing and very possessive. I never saw it for many years, put it down to his love for me but after many years of feeling sick thinking of going home after night shifts, I finally found an article stating 13 ways you know your in a controlled relationship. He ticks every box, also has this Jekyll and Hyde personality, makes me feel useless then a Queen within days! Anyway I confronted him and he admitted he can be this way and promised to get help and change. This has happened in some areas I must admit however his dark side appears every so often as always!!

Anyway he has always pressured me for a dog, his brother was allergic as kids and he's always wanted one!! I got him a puppy before we had our son and he was horrible and a bully to her, after I gave birth I couldn't handle it all and my dad took dog. I vowed never get another animal again. However I've been guilt tripped for years and years then having kids on his side saying I'm selfish and stopping them getting what they want bla bla, so I caved. I got my son a Siberian husky (again his father choice dog) nearly 3 years ago. I cannot cope with the hair it's everywhere literally ruining my full flat. I can't even enjoy my food it's all over, kids can't play on floor. And I'm a clean freak I spend hours brushing her to reduce hair but Nothing works. I'm also a bit scared of her as she's snarled and snaps a few times although never action harmed anyone. My man says that's her being cheeky she'd never harm anyone. I can't even enjoy food anymore, I think I'm eating hair constant, I only eat packet of crisps most times through day. I've told my partner I can no longer live like this, I want a clean fresh home I'm proud of, I work hard and I want kids be able play anywhere or drop a sweet and it not be caked in hair. My partner has said I'm such an evil monster he hopes my kids hold it against me forever too. I'm really stuck, am I a monster for not being able settle with dog? She's not bad or anything it just makes me terribly miserable. She's also very hyper and has hurt my shoulder and back a few times, never behaves outside. I am at the end of my tether, should I keep dog and continue to suffer or should I stick to my guns? I've told my partner if he is so attached he should go with dog? I know he'll only hold it against me forever if he stayed anyway. Thanks guys X

Yeah some have been very helpful it's lovely to know there's people who understand and care. I'd never have thought I'd be in such a situation, 💐

Some people clearly have no idea how it is to be in an abusive relationship. And to have been groomed and conditioned since you were 16 years old ...

You are not stupid, NOT pathetic and NOT cruel. You have been bullied, intimidated brainwashed and generally undermined and conditioned to feel your opinion is worthless and you are worthless, And dont think that's because you are an 'easy pushover' Such abusers and manipulators are very very good at it, and select people they can dominate. I am a 50 something extremely highly educated medical professional and I was sucked in by an emotional financial and physically abusive man who totally fucked with my head. If it can happen to me,kt can happen to anyone.

I PROMISE you things can and will get better if you get away from him. Do you have ANYONE in real life you can trust ? If not, use this board or go to your GP / Womens aid / local domestic abuse service. They will help and support you to get out.

You must escape, Do not worry please abut what will happen to him. Worry about yourself and what will happen to your children if you stay

@lilybetsy thank you very much, I do feel stupid sometimes I thought I had my head screwed on but I've been reading online about manipulators and narcissists and their actual everywhere and thank you makes me feel a lot less silly knowing someone like yourself has also experienced it 😩. I have an amazing doctor she actually told he to "kick his arse out" a few years ago she was also with the same type of man (he was also a gp) took her 22 years to leave but she said it was best thing she's done. I went to a therapist a few times also, I originally went to speak about my childhood but she stopped me and said there's something bothering me now? She asked about my relationship and told me this is not healthy, I made mistake of telling my partner so anytime I went he would make it very hard, I never went back. Thank you 💐

Glad you are beginning to se the light a bit op......l hope you can leave him soon and start to live a happier life.

Please never get another pet. The poor dog.

Please never get another pet. The poor dog

Please never comment without reading the thread. 🤨

@M2321 none of this is your fault, you are the victim of an abuser and you are not to blame any more than any other crime victim.

Please don't worry about what will become of your partner, he is obviously big and ugly enough to take care of himself. I felt (misplaced) guilt at leaving my abusive exH who had done all the sobbing on his knees, suicide threats etc etc. Guess what, he had a baby with his new girlfriend within 18 months of me leaving him (after refusing to have DC with me as the time was never "right"). Please look out for yourself and your DC (and dog!) and bin this abusive arsehole.

@Coastalcommand she's not a "poor" dog at all, definitely wrong choice and I take part blame for that however she is not poor so don't say it. She gets plenty of big runs everyday (we have a forest 2 mins away) she also gets regular vet checks and she has her own groomer who comes out every 3 months. Yes I agree she needs a bigger home, the vet is also aware she lives in a flat it's not ideal but not impossible is her words. If you would read you'd see if already took first steps to rehome her. I'm glad you've never made an error before.

@PositivelyPERF thank you 🌹

@TempusEejit Thank you yeah I experience the tears from him a lot too when I say it's not working then I end up feeling weighed down by guilt and somehow it's all ok again. Thank you a lot of people have really helped 🌹💐

I can see why he wanted a husky. They are an 'Alpha' breed. Can easily dominate weak people so he looks 'big' if he can control it. Also the dog is picking up from him how to treat you. He and the dog are 'above' you.

The dog really needs to go (and obvs the bloke too) .

@Deathraystare yes that's right also, she will obey him, me most times (sometimes I need say several times) and she also does exactly what my daughter says, although again plays up with my son. yeah 👍🏼

I hope one day you manage to get away from this man, not just for your sake but for your children’s sake. He’s a bully and you all deserve better.

However, saying that, why on earth did you get a dog?! The dog obviously isn’t looked after properly or getting its needs met otherwise it wouldn’t be the way it is! That’s your responsibility as a family, not the dogs fault!

I’m sorry for everything you’re going through but dogs aren’t accessories. They only get 1 life as well just like us. You obviously did no research into the breed otherwise you would’ve known you’d be eating fur sandwiches for life, and in no way on earth should you have gotten that breed whilst living in a small place

I can see why he wanted a husky. They are an 'Alpha' breed. Can easily dominate weak people so he looks 'big' if he can control it. Also the dog is picking up from him how to treat you. He and the dog are 'above' you

Oh god. No no no no no

I can’t believe people still believe this outdated crap

You do realise the dominance and alpha/pack theory went out the window a LONG time ago?!

OP, sorry you are going through such a tough time.

It comes across as if your life is being "controlled" by the Dog as well as your DP.

You only get one life.....make it a great one for you and your DC.

@Chippyway I've explained this situation more than once on the thread I'm not going to again. if you can't be bothered reading thread properly then don't bother commenting.

@lattewith3shotsplease thank you

You sound wonderful OP. You have been through so much so I don’t think you have been weak you have been amazingly strong. You need to reach into this strength and do the last bit now. Get real life help, get information and plan your move. You are worth more than this life.

As for others kicking you when you are down shame on them!!

@Tomselleckhaskindeyes thank u very much, I've spoke to the vet also and she's going write me an email to shut some these people up. All the positive messages definitely make me feel I'm not going crazy and not alone. I'll be working hard for a fresh start for me and my kids. 🌹🌹🌹

have you spoken to women'said yet?

colditz I sent them an email I've not yet heard back, does say 48 hours though. Don't even know where to start with them lol.

Please resist the urge to promise your children that you will get another, smaller dog. When you break with your DP you are going to need to keep your life as flexible as possible just in case you need to move or change jobs etc.

@MaybeDoctor I never promised my kids another pet at all?? Not sure where your getting that from. Ive no intention in having anymore pets at all I won't be as flexible alone like you said, my kids are my priority👍🏼

No, you hadn’t said that, admittedly. But I can forsee that it might be tempting to make that promise when your children are upset about saying goodbye to Husky dog. Or be railroaded into another by your P.

Stop making stuff up and then dishing out instructions to the OP based on your imaginary scenario maybe.

Ok, that is a pretty discourteous response given that I have taken the time to read, consider your situation and post on your thread twice. You can read any of my comments here on MN and will find that they are generally polite and helpful.

But hey ho, I will leave you to get on with it.
Good luck!