Boyfriend's female friends of facebook... would you contact them?

[catbasilio]

Would you contact a boyfriend's female 'friend' on facebook if the number of increased likes between them would start to bother you?
I do have some worries that my boyfriend might be a bit of a player, but have no hard evidence. It is not really a friend - it is an ex of his male friend, he said she befriended him (I somehow think it might be opposite) few months ago, to my knowledge they have never met, but she started instantly liking his posts and he likes hers (see that from few public posts).

I just want to ask, if there is something, as his girlfriend, I need to know, as I might be worrying over nothing.

There is a lot of dignity to swallow.
I had contacted one of his FB "friends" in the past and he appeared to be seeking slightly inappropriate flirt although it was early days in our relationship. Some other female friends, including one of his ex, seem ok and nothing to worry about it.

The relationship is not good. I'm guessing you don't know what a good relationship is, if you think this is a good one.

You can do much better. You can be with somebody you trust. Why put yourself through all this nonsense?

I did it to one of my dh's colleagues on twitter. She kept saying things like 'oh I so miss our conversations' when he kept telling me they didn't get on. I felt this was a lie.
Eventually after being ignored in the evenings by him, because she kept tweeting him, I finally lost it and told her that 'i was lucky to be his 'wife' wasn't I!' During one of their self absorbed debates.
Had an interesting response back saying yes I was!!!!! However, I would say looking back now I wouldn't message now. It gives them all the more power to know you feel insecure

Good lord. Early 40s you say? I thought you were going to say you were in your teens. Even then, I was (and am!) absolutely cringing on your behalf.

It's normal to have friends, on and / or off Facebook, of the opposite sex. It's normal to communicate with them and if that involves 'liking' posts for you, then there's nothing suspicious about that.

I've got a lot of male friends (and female ones). If someone's girlfriends contacted me in this way, I would be beyond embarrassed for my friend. Clearly it would be the friend I would contact in response. If a friend (male or female) reported that a partner of theirs had done this, I would advise them to get rid poste haste. In fact this actually happened quite recently. Girlfriend of one of my oldest friends started contacting women he had known & worked with whilst living in another country, many years previous to the start of their relationship. She ended up cooking up a ridiculous story that in fact someone had first contacted HER but could produce no message to back this up. She came off looking like an absolute loon. Like I said, embarrassing for all involved. This is a first serious relationship for the girl (mid-late 20s) so I assume she has learned a valuable lesson, which I why I was so shocked at your age.

If there IS something untoward going on, the assumed OW is hardly likely to tell you anyway? And most importantly, like everyone has said, it's obviously not a good relationship if you don't trust each other!

Confront him about what?!

If he's liking lots of "pouty selfie " pics than I actually think it is a bit disrespectful and I wouldn't want to date a bloke like that but if it's the occasional status than no problem.

I do find it weird though that he has added a person he doesn't even know (hasn't met in real life) of the opposite onto his Facebook. I actually wouldn't like this either and I think it's creepy .

If my fella added his friend's ex girlfriend on Facebook me they hadn't even met I wouldn't be impressed . Likewise I wouldn't add a friends ex either . It invites issues and when you haven't even met them in person why bother ? Iyswim

Is this a "Facebook Harem" man? If so I'm afraid you won't get through to him. This type loves to cultivate a female following, and attention. Put up "meaningful" (not his own words tho) quotes that he thinks will appeal to women etc..typical nice guy who isn't really nice.

You've said you have reason not to trust him based on previous experience. If his behaviour doesn't make you feel good then it doesn't matter if others say "it's just likes". There is a context. & You are upset, that's a major thing. As is the fact you can't talk to him about it and feel he will lie anyway. That's not loving trusting relationship

Just talk to him. If his behaviour continues which I think it will, then one way or another you will have to make a decision. & if that decision is living a life of upset and suspicion regarding your man, then it's really not worth the unhappiness it will cause you.

And I wouldn't bother confronting the girl , it's his behaviour (even if she did add him he didn't have to accept) I'd ditch him to be fair

If I blindly close my eyes and put all my trust in him, how do I find out if or when something is not right?
He declares all the right values but something tells me that his actions might not match up. But at the same time I wouldn’t want to bin a good man for no reason.
Yes I can talk to him, he will say nothing’s going on. I don’t mind his female friends. In fact his inner male and female circle is lovely. What I don’t like are these seemingly randomly added women on FB.
What he did in the past - there was a newly added female friend, suddenly startee liking his posts a lot. I asked who she was. He said so and so known through old friends. The problem was she was porn-star look alike and posted very ambiguous stuff 😯 I contacted her to ask how’d she known him, she said he poked her etc and later they messaged to each other and his messages were overly complimentary and flirtatious. As a result she blocked him and I confronted him and he said he had confused the way he’s known her with another woman and yes he shouldn’t have done this. It was pretty early days so I gave him benefit on doubt. Since then I haven’t seen any dubious new friends but wary when liking intensifies, whether there is extra flirting going on.

Interesting several posters are mentioning age, as if it's a "young" thing. When it's mostly 40s-50s men oiling around FB over-liking posts and doing that stupid thing of putting up "daily blessings" type standard memes and/or being inbox creeps. FB isn't exactly populated by youngsters is it, most bailed out years ago to Twitter etc after the influx of parents and grandparents

I have lots of male friends on Facebook who I've never met and I often 'like' their posts!

They're either friends of real life friends, from political groups, photography groups or other groups, or distant relatives (im tracing the family tree).
I also have present & past male colleagues & old classmates.
I have lots of female FB friends too!

I have dated men I've got to know through Facebook but they've definitely been single.
And I know of over 3 marriages that happened when the couples met through Facebook...
So obviously flirting can take place.

But to actually contact a strange woman who 'liked' your boyfriend's post would be crazy!

If you are suspicious of your boyfriend then speak to him.
If you can't trust him then don't stay with him.

He shown you who he was then in the early days op , bin him , all this obessessing is just not worth it and will probably only get worse

Please don’t message her, you’d look ridiculous.

If you have an issue, it’s clearly with your boyfriend. Don’t be a drama llama

OP just talk to him tell him his behaviour is making you unhappy. Although I guess he already knows that. Do you think it's worth the angst? Be honest with yourself. Or you may just have to love him and put up with it all. If you can that is. He doesn't sound like life-partner material really. Don't live a sad life for 1 man. Life's too short

And to one of the posters mentioning they have people who they don't know on their FB from political parties/ hobbies etc I can see your point but a friends ex is a bit odd I think .

It's not using facebook that is a 'young' thing. It's the response to and tolerance of the feelings of insecurity in the relationship that many posters seem to agree most people grow out of with age and relationship experience.

I agree there's lots of older men on Facebook using it as a way to chat up women as have experienced it myself, but when I say older these men tend to be confident 50 - 60 somethings..

I just wonder how you have the inclination (or time!) to be counting likes and spotting trends with likes when you say you have forgiven him and given him a "clean slate"

You haven't really have you? Your gut instinct is telling you something is up.

So you were messaging women on FB even before you knew he was being flirtatious? So you did have trust issues anyway.

And now you're worried about likes on FB? Honestly this is so embarrassing for a woman in her 40s.

Don't message her.

I received a message a few weeks back from someone accusing me of "talking to" her boyfriend. I have never even heard of him and told her so. I got back you must know him, you went to his college (I didn't) It honestly just made her look extremely silly, insecure and 'crazy.'

She is not your issue, he is, speak to him.

@MaggieTheCat1 so have you never had trust issues or felt doubtful of your partner . Sometimes you have to trust your gut instinct . And labelling it as embarrassing , bit spiteful don't you think? I hope that if you have ever have an issue that you don't get ridiculed in the same fashion !

This really boils down to the fact you don’t trust him and it’s making you behave like a crazy person!
I think I would move on and find someone who didn’t make me feel like this.

Fuckit - I've just turned 40, if I or any of my friends started messaging women on FB that were given our partners too many 'likes' I'd think we'd have lost our God damn minds. Yes it's embarrassing.

how we engage on social media is really quite telling, be interesting to see how you would ACTUALLY react to your DH or partner liking lots of pics of women or his friend's ex. Then again you wouldn't notice it would you ....and you'd be starting a MN thread labelled "my husband left me out of the blue - shock horror"

Not saying messaging the other women is correct but how someone behaves online is worth taking note of!

If you are so insecure that you're monitoring your 40 odd year old DPs FB for 'unusual activity' you probably aren't in the right place for a relationship.

If someone is going to fuck someone else, they're going to fuck someone else. I wouldn't feel I'd 'won' in some way or be relieved to stop my DP before it goes too far - that isn't MY responsibility. It's my DPs responsibility to not fuck someone else.