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Original poster

Boyfriend's female friends of facebook... would you contact them?

135 replies

catbasilio · 20/03/2018 16:28

Would you contact a boyfriend's female 'friend' on facebook if the number of increased likes between them would start to bother you?
I do have some worries that my boyfriend might be a bit of a player, but have no hard evidence. It is not really a friend - it is an ex of his male friend, he said she befriended him (I somehow think it might be opposite) few months ago, to my knowledge they have never met, but she started instantly liking his posts and he likes hers (see that from few public posts).

I just want to ask, if there is something, as his girlfriend, I need to know, as I might be worrying over nothing.

There is a lot of dignity to swallow.
I had contacted one of his FB "friends" in the past and he appeared to be seeking slightly inappropriate flirt although it was early days in our relationship. Some other female friends, including one of his ex, seem ok and nothing to worry about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
catbasilio · 20/03/2018 16:47

To be fair he or she did not have any reason to add each other as friends but they still did!

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 20/03/2018 16:48

Repeating my question to the OP - how old are you both??

GinIsIn · 20/03/2018 16:48

I would...... If I was 13 and it was my first ever boyfriend.....

Luckyme2 · 20/03/2018 16:50

Oh no please don't contact her! And I'm cringing for you that you've already contacted another one previously. Perhaps you should come off Facebook. It's not healthy. You obviously have trust issues (whether justified or not) but you need to be discussing this with your BF not tracking down every woman on facebook that he likes the posts of! Have some respect for yourself OP

PrizeOik · 20/03/2018 16:50

The thing is, that if I ask him outright he and if he lies, I would never know. He is too good with words.

Seriously though read that back to yourself.

You're literally describing how you do not trust this person and he would lie to you if you asked.

Honest question: Why are you with him?

The rest of your post, you actually go on to list how you know and expect he'd deceive you. What are you doing with your life woman???

What happened to you that made you think this is an acceptable relationship, to the extent that you would behave in a completely unhinged way just to try to retain this horrible man in your life? Why would you debase yourself like this, when you already know he's a liar and a cheat?

Is his cock studded with rubies??

HolyGoats · 20/03/2018 16:50

You either trust your bf or you don’t. If you don’t you need to either work out how to live with it or leave.

MammaH2018 · 20/03/2018 16:51

To be fair he or she did not have any reason to add each other as friends but they still did!

It’s none of your business though....
He can ‘friend’ anyone he likes on Facebook (as can you!) he doesn’t need your permission.

The bottom line here is you clearly don’t trust him. A relationship without trust is doomed!

FlyingMonkeys · 20/03/2018 16:51

@catbasilio Maybe she added him so she could snoop on her ex? Or drive him into a jealous frenzy by liking your bf's posts 🤔

I think you're probably best to take a break from FB....

CopASquat · 20/03/2018 16:52

If you can't trust him end the relationship.

GretaSBRead · 20/03/2018 16:54

Oh god please don’t!

I had a girl do this to me and honestly she just came off as a complete loon. She wanted to know why we were “always” liking and commenting on each other’s posts when I could see she had a boyfriend. It was weird beyond belief, we share the same politics and that’s it. I wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole!

Allthebestnamesareused · 20/03/2018 16:55

Have the schools already broken up for Easter?

FizzyGreenWater · 20/03/2018 16:55

Forget Facebook. You're having a miserable panicky time because you're with a sleaze that you don't trust.

The answer to that is to dump him.

You wouldn't spend your life fixing hole after hole in a pair of crappy, clearly no longer waterproof boots, wasting time and energy. No - you'd get new boots.

He is the holey boot. Buy new boots.

DiplomaticBag · 20/03/2018 16:55

it is an ex of his male friend, he said she befriended him (I somehow think it might be opposite) few months ago, to my knowledge they have never met

I think you are both confused as to the meaning of 'befriending'. It doesn't mean 'clicking a few times on the FB of someone you have never met'. Honestly, OP. And your sense that your boyfriend might be a 'player' is likewise based on them clicking 'like' on one another's FB posts? God Almighty, it's hardly Romeo and Juliet, or The Last Seduction is it? Grin

SandAndSea · 20/03/2018 16:55

Forget confronting her or not, that's not the issue here.

The issue is that you are clearly not relaxed and comfortable with him. He may not be doing anything, we don't know. But, the thing is, YOU are not happy. Listen to your feelings.

I don't think he's a good match for you.

DextroDependant · 20/03/2018 16:55

You will make yourself look pathetic and insecure and give the girl a good laugh about expense.

Deal with your relationship issues inside youyour relationship. Ie keep it between you and him.

Chasingstars88 · 20/03/2018 16:56

Okay so let's be fair to OP she obviously has insecurity issues and taking the piss out of her isn't going to help the situation, it'll just make her feel more insecure. Not everyone is cock sure about themselves and let's face it. Just because it's just a like now, doesn't mean it won't be something else in the future.
Something has made her feel this way.
Liking someone's post obsessively isn't helping her feel any better about herself, so asking him to cool off isn't a massive deal!

We also don't know what kind of posts he liking do we?
What kinds of posts is he liking OP?

Original poster
catbasilio · 20/03/2018 16:57

Is it always everything so black and white? I gave him a clean slate when he did wrong and trying hard to trust him but don’t make me sound like I am the one with trust issues. Even if I am proved wrong it’s not like the trust comes back with a flick of fingers. We are early forties...

OP posts:
Alabama3 · 20/03/2018 16:57

again op
how old are you both?

CaptainBrickbeard · 20/03/2018 17:00

From what you describe, it’s a matter of when - not if. F it isn’t this girl, it will be another. You don’t trust him and you know that given the chance he will be inappropriate. As long as you are with him you will be insecure and anxious. Get rid of him and save yourself the misery!

TempusEejit · 20/03/2018 17:00

You don't trust your boyfriend not because of your insecurity issues but because he's already proved himself untrustworthy. This woman has nothing to do with it. Walk away unless you can see yourself still checking up on him in 5 years...10 years...

Fattymcfaterson · 20/03/2018 17:02

Early 40's?! I thought you were going to say 19
Jesus woman. Get a hold of yourself. What's the point of you can't trust him? If something as inconsequential as a fb "like" causes you to feel this way then respectfully I think you should move on

lovelycuppateas · 20/03/2018 17:02

Sounds like you shouldn't have forgiven him the last time. It also doesn't sound like you like or trust him very much. I'll just echo other posters - why are you with him?

Luckyme2 · 20/03/2018 17:03

don’t make me sound like I am the one with trust issues.

You are though. Quite clearly. No one is saying you shouldn't have trust issues or that those issues are unfounded. But if you have those issues you either need to be discussing it with your BF or accepting that he's not the one for you as he's not going to change and it causing you unhappiness. What you should NOT be doing is messaging his female friends!

MammaH2018 · 20/03/2018 17:03

I gave him a clean slate when he did wrong and trying hard to trust him but don’t make me sound like I am the one with trust issues.

But you quite clearly don’t trust him....! Your obsessing over some silly Facebook crap and taking about contacting some random girl to essentially check up on him/warn her off...

Cut your losses and get out of this now.

FlyingMonkeys · 20/03/2018 17:04

The thing is OP if he's going to get involved with someone else, it's going to happen regardless. You can't ask everyone he comes into contact with in life if there's something going on. Yes, if he's got form for it then I can understand your concerns.

The issue is his behaviour that's the problem though. If you don't feel comfortable then end the relationship rather than letting it gnaw at your self-esteem.