A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

[UnimaginativeUsername]

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

With photo attached!

We appear to have a viewing booked for this weekend. Let’s hope they love the house.

I love that hairstyle. Hopefully idiot ex will look at you and be amazed at your gorgeousness!

I’m glad you’re being cold and uncaring with h8m, he deserves no more.

Oh that’s brilliant news about the house @shitwithsugaron. You must be so pleased.

I don’t think the fools realise that it’s them that makes us feel like not bothering. I find that I’m much more willing to put on make up, get my hair done, paint my nails etc because it’s just for me (not at all for him).

I think the plan is to tell DS2 when there’s more solid news. So when the house sells and I’ve organised somewhere to buy. That way he can have a sense that he really knows what’s happening rather than him feeling like he’s in limbo too.

My meeting at work went well. We sat in the sunshine and chatted. My line manager said she really likes my new hair. (My line manager is absolutely lovely).

I’ve also made some appointments to view houses next week. Hopefully one of the viewers this weekend will offer a sensible amount on my house and I’ll be able to put in offers myself. One of the houses is beautiful and looks almost perfect (including an excellent location - about 5 mins walk from the school DS2 will be going to, very near the park/local high street/train station etc). It’s always hard to tell in RM though; the photos can be very deceptive. I do enjoy using google street view to scope out streets though. It is amazing how many streets locally I’ve never had any cause to drive or walk down.

I’m feeling reasonably confident that I will be able to buy a nice 3 (possibly 4) bed semi or terrace in the area I’d really like to live in. And, being spring, I suspect lots more houses will come on the market over the next few weeks. And hopefully (with that) buyers who will want to buy this house, which is a really huge amount of space for the money.

Ex appears to have worked out that he really should be cleaning the kitchen. He asked if I’d make him a portion of dinner if he cleared up, and he did clear up. Properly (although it emerged that he doesn’t know where anything goes because he never cooks or cleans up - how embarrassing would it be to not know where the washing up liquid was in your own kitchen?). All I had to do was put two additional sausages in the pan, and throw a final part-baked baguette in the oven. (It was quite a lazy dinner, because I couldn’t really be bothered with cooking while it was warm).

I’ve just spoken to my mum about the house situation. She said that she and my stepdad can help out a bit if necessary to make sure I can buy something nice.

I think me having a nice house without ex is really important to my mum because she had such a dreadful time when she split up with my father. He was a total arse too and she had to work 3 jobs to pay the mortgage so she could buy him out and keep the house. And he kept screwing her over. I think she almost feels that it’s important that I ‘win’ (in the sense of not being screwed without ex) because it’s almost like she’s winning over both my dad and ex.

It’s reassuring. I don’t think I should need any financial help (hopefully) but it gives me back up and options if I do. And she’s happy to drive down (it’s 2.5-3 hours) to do house viewings with me. Part of that is that she’s nosey and loves looking at houses but it will be useful to have another pair of eyes and someone to talk about the houses. Also she’s way more forward than me, so she’ll ask questions I’d never ask!

I have quite a lot of house viewings lined up this week. I’m just looking at everything in my specified area, with at least 3 bedrooms and in my price range. If nothing else, it’ll help me get a sense of what the market is like at the moment.

It was funny talking to the EA who is selling our house. She was being very diplomatic talking about things because she didn’t want to upset me - unlike the other EAs she obviously knows why I’m looking. Talking to her I realised that I’m not upset any more though - I am ready to move on, and I don’t mind saying that I’m moving due to a break up.

I would imagine you’re right. It will hit me in weird and unexpected ways. I’m not going to be here when people view the house. I’m taking the children out. Ex will be celebrating his birthday by facilitating house viewings.

I’m so glad you’ve found somewhere that’s right for you. And also that you know what number you’ll be fighting over. Hopefully he’ll decide to be reasonable, or at least your solicitor will force him to be reasonable whether he wants to or not.

How annoying that he ruined your night to yourself. I’m hoping ex had plans to go out tonight. He’s currently taking DS2’s friend home after the play date. He kept asking when the friend was going home over and over again. I had texted his mum to say we’d drop him off about half 7 (he lives approx. 3 minutes’ drive away) and ex started saying how he’d need to leave at quarter past. I said 25 past at the earliest and he insisted that he’d have them in the car at 25 past. I know for a fact his mum wouldn’t care if it was 7.30 or 7.33 or even 8! But I assume ex was so angsty about it because he has plans to go out at 8 or 8.30.

Good luck with the house viewings... there’s nothing quite like living in your own home, being able to have what you want, where you want after being in a crappy relationship

I have no idea how the viewings went. I took the kids out. All I know is that the first couple were here for about 45 mins. So let’s hope that means they want to buy the place!

I am so looking forward to having a place of my own, where I can do whatever I like.

I’ve just had a conversation with ex about contact. I’d sent him an email about 2 weeks ago suggesting EOW plus one afternoon a week. He seems to accept that is best for DS2. I suspect he’ll be less pleased when he realises that child maintenance is a lot when you earn what he does!

He is so hard to talk to though. He keeps using phrases like ‘going forward in DS2’s best interests’ and the like. Clearly he thinks this makes him sound reasonable, but actually it makes him sound officious.

Mine did, and still does use shit like that. I try and distance myself now and email rather than talk to him as I find that so much easier. I can say my bit, put down what I want to get across and then when he responds I try and wheedle outwjat he’s actually saying in between the ‘I’m the best dad in the world but don’t want to take responsibility or help out on any way’ lines he spouts most of the time.

Does make me laugh as I asked if he could buy dd a pair of shoes, when he had her for a week, he told me he couldn’t afford them, so I said I’d pay him back (even tho he doesn’t even pay me the minimum amount - but that’s another thread). When he dropped her home apparently he hadn’t had chance as he was moving into his 5, yes I did say 5, bedroom house and was going racing next weekend - gives me the fucking rage sorry - I’m on a roll today

Oh he sounds like a joy!

Ex seems to be all about ‘his relationship with DS2’, which I take to mean having fun with him while I do all the drudge work. Because that is essentially how it always seems to work. And then ex starts being over critical etc and DS2 cries. But none of that matters because superdad does the floss, you know?

Usually I would email him but he asked to talk. I thought he was going to tell me about the viewings, but no.

It’s actually ex’s birthday today. DS2 wanted to make a cake, so I’ve helped him to do that (for DS2’s benefit, not ex’s). But it’s not exactly been celebratory. Usually I’d have done a really nice breakfast, and taken him out for lunch. And got presents. And made a cake. But I no longer have to do that. It’s pretty liberating. Ex did try to act the martyr by claiming that he never usually celebrates his birthday anyway, but (as with everything ex claims) that’s hardly true.

I think Mandy must have binned him off because he hasn’t been out at all since he returned from not enjoying his trip to New Orleans. It speaks volumes to his lack of actual friends that he hasn’t made any other plans at all.

I am starting my phased return to work tomorrow. I’m trying to think positively about it, but really I’m dreading having to open up my emails. It’ll be fine. I just need to get on with it!

I have two houses to look at tomorrow too. So we’ll see how that goes.

Oh I forgot about yesterday’s hilarious disappointment for ex (which will amuse all of you).

DS2 was watching some rubbish on Netflix that had a guy the same age as ex on it. Ex asked DS2 who he thought looked older: him or the guy. DS2, of course, told the truth. He said that ex looked loads older than the guy. Ex looked a bit crestfallen.

The moral of the tale is: don’t ask 8 year olds questions if you don’t want the truth!

Good luck with today's viewings

The viewings were not my dream houses. The first one was too small really (but very much a cheap option). It’s actually a nice house. It’s been recently renovated quite nicely, but just doesn’t have enough space for me, 2 boys and our stuff. It looked bigger in the photos! An older couple were looking round at the same time as me and seemed to really love it. So maybe they’ll buy it. The woman was measuring up to decide where to put specific pieces of furniture.

The second one was bigger, very overpriced (the agent said as much) and needed a lot of work. It’s in a really nice street and could be lovely but it needs absolutely everything ripping out and starting again - we’re talking new central heating system and very dubious floorboards in the upstairs, not just I don’t like the carpets (which are worn and ill fitted to say the least). The bathroom and toilet are covered in this horrible fake marble plastic cladding, including the ceilings. It’s quite bizarre.

It’s been on the market for ages simply because it’s really overpriced. I think even the kind of offer they might accept (according to the EA) would be overpaying given the condition. It’s empty and up for rent as well as sale, but I can’t inagine a great rush to rent it (given you wouldn’t be able to do anything about the condition).

I’m going to see two houses in the next two streets tomorrow, plus another one the other (more convenient) side of the high street that looks like it might be wonderful. It’s all done and the asking price is still less than what the EA suggested. The other two are a bit cheaper than this one was but one has 4 bedrooms (not 3) and it appears to have lovely original features.

However, I think looking at houses is a bit like OLD; it all looks and sounds great on the internet but is so often deeply disappointing when you get there.

Apparently one of the viewers yesterday is very interested but not yet proceedable. So let’s hope someone buys their house so they can buy this one.

They were here for 45 mins looking around.

We’ve had a low offer from the other couple who viewed our house on Sunday. It’s about £15k under the minimum we’d like but ex appears to be keen to take it. The EA said they think the offer is about the buyers’ affordability rather than what they think the house is worth. They don’t have a chain though so that’s something.

I’m going to look at a house I think might be pretty perfect this evening. Or, at least, as perfect as I can afford. I guess it means I can think about putting an offer in since we have a buyer. I think I might be quite happy to take a bigger mortgage to get out of here ASAP.

I’m going to see another couple of houses tomorrow and Thursday that may be pretty good too. They’re quite a lot cheaper than this one too (although their locations are good rather than great). So the end may be in sight.

Apparently ex is going to rent when we sell and agrees that I should buy so that the children have more stability and don’t have to move twice. It appears his initial plan is to move into a colleague’s spare room. I’m not quite sure how he thinks he’s going to manage contact with DS2 in that situation.

I wouldn't accept 15k straight up, I would imagine they would like to bargain with you and haggle?

Also they are your first viewing? Have you got anymore booked to view your house?

He probably thinks he'll be having contact with DS2 in the house that he so generously agrees you should buy.

If he's keen to take £15k under then he go absorb proportionally more of the hit especially as you need to house the DC and he has no intention of doing so!!!

No more viewings booked. I told ex that he should tell the EA to negotiate them up as far as possible. £7.5k would be very helpful to me.

The house I just saw was pretty much perfect. I totally loved it. I could move in and not bother changing a single thing. There’s even a real fire in the living room and I could fit our lovely American fridge freezer in the kitchen without doing anything. The location is really amazing. 5 minutes’ walk to DS2 school, the train station, the high street, the park.

I’ve arranged a second viewing for Sunday. My mum is going to come down to look at it with me. I think I really want it.

And obviously he will not be having contact in my house. No way.

I think he was a bit disappointed that I ‘want to get into a chain’ (or ‘buy something’ in normal person speak). But why on earth would I want to make the children move twice unnecessarily? It should have be obvious to him that I would want to buy to give the children stability.

And obviously he will not be having contact in my house. No way. I wouldn't necessarily spell that out to him in words of one syllable before you've exchanged contracts and have the money. If he suddenly decides he does need to buy somewhere for contact, it'll be more difficult. It might be in your best interests for him to be making assumptions about it until then.

Oh yes. I was going to leave him to believe what he likes and not point out any flaws in his plans.

I don’t think he’d decide to tag a sale on too regardless. He’s too terrified that it might sell and we’ll be stuck here for months. That’s why he’s so keen to just take the low offer. His personality is to be pessimistic and anxious to the nth degree. So I really can’t imagine him doing anything that would make a sale harder.

After all, in his mind, there are hundreds of attractive young ladies out there desperate for him to have his own place!