A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

[UnimaginativeUsername]

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

He’s gone out.

I’m now 100% convinced that all this shit over bedtime is because it impinges in his social life.

And, of course, he hasn’t asked me if I will look after DS2 while he goes out. He’s just grumpily said he’s going out and gone. He’s in a huff but I think it’s a strategic one to cover up for the fact he’d already made plans. Because he wants to pretend that he’s the injured party at all times.

This is after he basically took DS2 away from me and refused to allow me to see him other than to (very briefly) day ‘goodnight’. But (as always) he lurks in the corner of the bedroom while I say goodnight - this means that he can decide when time’s up and also he can monitor what I say to DS2.

But, according to him, I’m the abusive one.

I would cross the days out except that the calendar is electronic. And also I don’t have a moving date to count down to.

I cannot wait to move into my own house. Then he can go out whenever he bloody wants.

Not long now. Just think soon you won’t have him standing in the room at bedtime, you can put dc to bed when you want to and it will most certainly interfere with his social life when you’re not there to babysit as I said, not long now

Yes. Hopefully. It can’t come too soon really.

It will be so much better when he’s not hanging around like a malevolent ghost.

He was obviously in a bad mood as soon as he came back, so it seems that he’s gone out of his way to find things to be cross about.

And then there was the (laughable in hindsight) bit where he was trying to pretend he’s the only one who cares about and looks after DS2 but he had to come and ask me where the cream DS2 uses is (because 1. He didn’t actually know what the cream was, and 2. He didn’t know where it was). Good job ex - clearly it’s me that’s the slightly crap parent in this story .

I mean completely fictious events he will think is moving date etc

When it's your night tell him he can say a quick night then he must leave the same as he does to you!

Sadly he will know when I’m moving because we both have to sell this house first. So there’s no keeping him in the dark.

i might start putting ambiguous stuff in there anyway.

On your nights with DS tell him to let you know when he's finished saying goodnight to him. He then has no reason to stay in the room "off you go ex I want to say my goodnight now"

Put some evenings out in the calendar too

UU how have you not stabbed him in the face?! Girl I am in awe of your self- control. Not long now until you can say "off you fuck" to that absolute weapon. DS2 will figure out his fuckery in time.

Ive just read this whole thread and I’m so sad you haven’t had the satisfaction of moving into your own home yet.

I can just imagine what your ex is like- I know plenty of twatty snobby academics.

The bedtime thing is insane. I wonder- would he consider moving into staff university accommodation now term is over? I have no idea how you could bring that up...I’m sure you could think of a way of working it into conversation so he feels as if it is his idea.

I don’t think his university has any staff accommondation. I’m hoping that the house sale can go through quickly now and it’ll be fine.

Ex is clearly hungover today. I’ve been leaving him to hang out with DS2 all morning (because it’s fathers’ day and ex has been away all week) and now he’s taken him to swimming/our for lunch afterwards. He told DS2 that he wasn’t ‘feeling very well’ so they wouldn’t be able to do anything too energetic today.

Ex came back with DS2 very early in the afternoon. So clearly he couldn’t be bothered actually doing more than going to pizza express for lunch.

DS2 asked me to look up nerf water gun videos on YouTube because ‘daddy has a headache and can’t look at screens any more’.

Remind me again who was having a go at me about what a superior parent he was yesterday?

Oh lurking forever on your thread.

Please put in the calendar
Lunch with S

And whenever he isn't around, or can't get home to check your whereabouts, put in another lunch or coffee or quick catch up with S

Sorry but what a dick...

Hi @UnimaginativeUsername

Still checking your thread to see how your doing but not posted much as things have been a little hectic here and what a day today has been....

Ex has spent all but 30 mins with his DC today and he has been in a rather peculiar mood. After opening his Father's Day card from DC ( I particularly steered clear of any that said "brilliant dad or best dad in the world" as it felt to hipocritical and settled on one that said " we love you" from DC. ) and presents he got ready and went out to run a race. I done all Dc home work some house work then got ready and we went to the park. Upon returning he'd had his lunch and was on his way back out to buy furniture. When he returned hours later he put himself in front of the TV and stayed their. The end of the football match co insided with DC closing their eyes for sleep which he thought would be a great opportunity to go and see them wake them up to talk and say goodnight then he says " I'm going out to get a take away for my tea" leaving me with two wide awake overtired DC!!!

Also, he had a pile of dirty dishes building in the kitchen. The dishwasher had finished and I used some of the clean dishes for mine and DC lunch I then hand washed them and put them away. When he came to deal with his dishes he squeezed them all into the dish washer without emptying the clean ones first. This really made me cross I said to him " did you empty the dish washer first because all those dishes were clean" " No" he said. Dishes have been washed twice. He did this on purpose......

............Bloody ridiculous, lazy and extremely frustrating!!!!!!

@shitwithsugaron

Stay firm and please don't waste any more time on him. You're nearly there !

That is frustrating @Turnedovernewleaf. I didn’t bother organising anything for ex for fathers’ day. I figure there’s no way in hell he’d organise a mothers’ day card for me so I’m not doing it for him.

Friday is only a few days away now @shitwithsugaron. And then you’ll be free.

I think the best way to look at it is that you aren’t losing a house etc; you’re losing a useless wanker who repeatedly screws you over financially and won’t sort himself out. The house is one way you’ve been tied to him, so selling it sets you free. Your DD does have a lovely new home (and peppa pig curtains); being rented doesn’t stop it being a wonderful home.

It’s perfectly natural to feel like you are. Change is not easy, especially when it’s to escape bad circumstances rather than to move towards something.

You will feel better once you’re in your new house, with your new couch. Just be kind to yourself over the next couple of days.

Your moving plan sounds brilliant. It will be much easier for both you and DD if she’s at your mum’s.

Often, for people who have survived traumatic experiences, it's not the immediate aftermath or when you're in 'survival mode' that can be the most emotional, it's when you're safe and away from the danger and having to cope on your own

You're going through a HUGE upheaval and ending a whole chapter of difficult and challenging experiences. Please be gentle with yourself and prioritise self care as it can often hit well after the fact x

@AsleepAllDay That’s great advice. I can imagine the hardest bit is just after you’re safe.

Sigh.

Ex is annoyed that DS2 took ages to get changed after swimming. Apparently he goes in to hurry him up. Well that’ll be because he’s male. I have to stand around like the other mums.

And now he’s knocked on my door to demand ask for my house keys ‘so that there’s a way to get out the house in an emergency’. The fact that he has his own keys, which are in the front door, seems to escape him. My keys must be in the back door. It’s just controlling bullshit interspersed with his OCD.

Tell him to fuck off!

Tell him to get a key cut from his set it do what chicken said