Thanks @LetMeGo66.
Glad you and your DD had a great time at your family event @shitwithsugaron. Your ex is a dangerous idiot. I can see why you’re worried about him having your DD. Someone here might have some useful advice about how to handle that.
Lying to people to make out he’s hard done by is ‘idiot ex 101’. Anyone who matters will see through it.
Ex went out on Friday and Saturday night (no warning or even a check that I was available to/happy to provide the required childcare services obviously). At least it’s quiet when he’s not here. I have bigger behavioural fish to fry this weekend though, so I will put that argument off for next week when I do have non-negotiable plans on Friday night (nothing special but I’m not changing my plans for him) and on Saturday night too (a fancy meal to celebrate DS1’s 18th birthday). Obviously I’m going to inform him that I’m going out with just as much notice as he gives me.
Today has been frustrating because ex is an enormous arsehole. He sulked because I took DS2 swimming at a local leisure centre (and he wasn’t invited). It meant that I got to spend some nice time with DS2, rather than having ex monopolise his attention.
Ex took him to his last swimming session with his old squad (he starts with the new squad tomorrow). It turns out that he’s just been dropping DS2 at swimming and then going to shag Mandy because he has absolutely no idea that DS2 has been having issues with his asthma at swimming for several weeks now. I did, because I MN while he swims watch DS2’s sessions when I take him. And I’d already discussed it with the nurse at his asthma review last week (which I organised and took him to).
I know this for two reasons: 1. The man who has been insisting that it’s vital that DS2 showers immediately after swimming using the special shampoo and body wash that I bought him wasn’t there to remind him to do it today so I had to get him to have a shower after dinner; and 2. Ex keeps saying that he thinks the GF diet is making DS2’s asthma worse. No ex; it’s not. He’s been needing his blue inhaler more for several weeks and the nurse thought it was almost certainly due to pollen issues. I know this because I pay attention to his asthma (and can tell you what his peak flow readings are); ex does not because he only likes to appear like he’s interested in his health rather than actually do the work associated with it.
I wouldn’t care that he’s obviously just been dropping him at the pool except that ex would have totally had a go at me if I’d done the same. But he loves one rule for me and another for himself.
Then we had to discuss the new swim training schedule. Ex asked if I had put the session times in the shared diary. I have not. He tried to have a go at me for not sharing information with him, except I have shared the information about the new training times and places with him at least 3 times. He just hasn’t bothered to take any note of them, because clearly he thinks it is my job to make sure he knows what they are, not his. 
We’ve negotiated that he will take him on Tuesdays (how he’s going to manage this without a car, I’m not sure). He did try to pull the ‘we’re still all living in this house’ card when I pointed out that we should do the schedule as his contact with DS2 will be.
Honestly, he thinks he gets to have his cake and eat it. Arsehole.
And I need to renegotiate DS2’s bedtime with ex (who is stupidly rigid about it). It needs to be 9pm at the earliest, possibly 9.30. He has activities that don’t finish until 8 (and which require him to shower and change afterwards) 4 days a week. But ex seems to think that I’m being ridiculous by wanting to change his 8pm bedtime. I’ll just do a 9.30 bedtime once we’re in the new house because ex is only having him overnight two nights a fortnight (and I’m pretty sure it won’t even be that immediately as he hasn’t made any sensible plans that would enable him to have DS2 overnight).
This is what happens when someone takes no responsibility for the boring bits of being a parent. Magical bloody thinking. Well he doesn’t get to rely on the magical creature who somehow makes it all work any more!