A thread to moan on until I’m rid of exP

[UnimaginativeUsername]

(Ex)P and I are separating but we have to live together until we sell this house (due to finances). So I thought I’d start a thread to help me get through the next few months.

TBH, I’m glad not to be married to him. Honestly.

Maybe he’ll agree to a slightly unequal distribution of the equity but I won’t be holding my breath.

My mum was married to my dad and divorcing him cost her many tens of thousands of pounds due to incompetent lawyers and him being a bastard. So I’m getting off lightly.

Please fight him on the offer @unimaginativeusername. No one ever offers the final offer first - you put in a low ball then negotiate. If you don't have to go through the divorce fight on this point. Sure its money but its retirement, university costs for your sons. Fight it - you are sitting in what sounds like a very nice house. It will sell. Gosh. I feel rage just seeing your updates. So impressed by your strength.

It appears there’s no news on the house offer. Ex is being very uncommunicative.

Ex only told the EA to ask for an increased offer today. The buyer is a surgeon (or at least the one that is dealing with the EA is) so may well have been at work all day.

Ex definitely thinks I’m unreasonable for not just accepting the offer. I don’t know what planet he’s on. Even if we weren’t splitting up, it’s totally normal practice to ask for an increase on the first lowball offer. But he’s acting like I’m trying to condemn him to a thousand years of living here. I won’t miss his catastrophising and atmosphere creating one bit.

Looking for houses is quite crap. But, on the plus side, two female EAs who’ve gotten divorced in the past seem to be particularly intent on helping me find a great house. There’s a marked contrast to the men I’ve been dealing with.

I’m really angry with ex today. Completely justifiably too.

This morning, at 7.20, I was getting changed after my shower. This is entirely standard practice in the house and has been for the last decade on work days. Despite this ex decided to come into my room without so much as knocking. I was completely naked and about to put my pants on.

Rather than grovelling about his outrageous violation of my privacy, ex decided to play his special ‘confused’ card. Apparently he ‘didn’t know what was happening’ and needed me to explain that DS2 and I would be leaving at 7.40, as we do every Friday morning so he can go to his martial arts club before school, and that he should have a shower and get dressed to go to work.

Then when he came in from work today DS2 was at his friend’s house round the corner. Ex was obviously annoyed that he wasn’t sitting there waiting for him to play videogames, so he decided to pick at me instead. ‘Is there any reason your shoes are on the floor here?’, ‘did you know that your washing is still in the washing machine?’, and so on. I was not very polite to him, as you can imagine.

I started making dinner for the children and me, and ex asked if I wanted an update on the house. I said yes and continued making dinner (since I am capable of listening to him and doing that at the same time). He got annoyed and kept asking me if I was listening. So what was this information so complex it required my undivided attention?

Apparently we have a viewing tomorrow from completely different buyers. And he doesn’t know what’s happening with the other buyers, who need to renegotiate a higher mortgage in principle to offer more. But he thinks we should just go with the offer because he’s worried that they’ll suddenly decide they don’t want to buy our house.

He lives in a world where the rules of logic are entirely different!

You should have ripped him a new A hole for walking in on you naked. Demand privacy

Oh. I made it very clear that he was completely out of order this morning.

I feel for you, I was stuck living with my ex for 9m,T il last August, I'm still not over it!

Oh he is such a wanker.

There’s a viewing for our house today and DS2 has a birthday party later.

I’ve got a second viewing on the lovely house tomorrow, and my mum is going to come with me to be an extra pair of eyes. I had originally organised it for 11, but the EA phoned yesterday to say it would need to be 10. That means that my mum needs to stay over here (as she lives 3 hours away).

So ex is being a complete arsehole about it. He’s always made it very difficult for me to see my mum (whereas I’ve never complained at all when his parents have come to stay - often for a week at a time). He’s not happy at all about it and is going on and on about the lack of notice (which is rich given that he’s gone out several times giving me less than an hour’s notice).

And he’d being a wanker about the fact I’m looking at a house with her. Apparently I shouldn’t be doing that because I’m not in a ‘proceedable position’. I told him that he doesn’t get to decide how I do things. Also we could accept the offer we have whenever we like. He’s just pushing that we do so - he said again that we just need to accept it. Even though other people are coming to view the house this morning and there’s no reason to think they won’t want to buy it at this point.

Honestly, I think he wants to punish me for getting on with looking for houses - or even for planning to buy one at all. He’s such a horrible, perverse person that I wonder if he wants to take the low offer just so that I will have less money for a deposit. I really wouldn’t put it past him.

Also the fucker has eaten all the frozen pain au chocolat that I had in the freezer (I bought an entirely new pack last week) so there’s no breakfast for DS2.

Wow. He actually thinks he hasn’t eaten £100 worth of food this month. Really?

At least you are all ready to go on the tenancy. I bet you can’t wait for the contracts to be exchanged.

I’m particularly annoyed at the eating the pain au chocolat because I bought them. They were my pain au chocolat that I bought because the boys love them. If he wants pain au chocolat, he should buy his own.

I’ve booked a very nearby travelodge for my mum. I honestly don’t think she needs the stress of dealing with ex. He’s going out with friends apparently (he said this in a way that implied I should be so jealous because he’s so popular - I’m not, because I know he’s a wanker). Even so, I’ve booked the hotel for my mum’s benefit not his.

Today’s viewer was there for 40 mins and was very thorough apparently - asking about spare tiles and such like. He’s a divorcee with grownup children who live in this city and he’s relocating from the SE. Hopefully he wants to buy the house (at the asking price!). It probably seems very cheap to him if he’s been living in the SE - detached with 5 big double bedrooms, 3 public rooms, big dining kitchen, new with quartz worktops and splashback, two ovens, induction hob, built in dishwasher etc, utility (with an additional dishwasher), 3 bathrooms (2 with separate showers, 2 with baths), downstairs loo, all new carpets, engineered wood flooring or tiles in the kitchen and bathrooms, driveway, double garage. It’s just under 250m2 of house for £375k.

This buyer sounds promising and keen OP.

Very mean behaviour re the pain au chocolat. I'd buy three more for each of you and eat them in front of him (Lidl do nice ones) - but then that might start a food war.

And as for him going out with his friends, if its not a date he's offered to buy a mate a pint and is going to moan all evening about you!

And as for him going out with his friends, if its not a date he's offered to buy a mate a pint and is going to moan all evening about you!

I had assumed it would be the latter. But he’s just asked me where the ironing board is (his clothes are only ever ironed for weddings, funerals and job interviews) so I’m guessing that it might be a date after all.

I really don’t care either way. In fact, he should combine the two. Who doesn’t love a date with a bitter arsehole who complains about how awful his ex is?

It was a packet of 6 frozen pain au chocolat that is bought in the weekly shop. DS2 had two of them last weekend and no one else has had any. So clearly ex decided to help himself to my breakfast treats for snacks in the evening.

In fact, he’s ironed a white dress shirt.

All of this leads me to believe that him going out has been planned a lot longer than since this morning and he’s seizing upon any excuse to be a complete wanker.

Ah maybe one of his friends is having a posh birthday meal and he's taking "Mandy".

As you said, who cares!

If it’s a posh birthday meal with Mandy in tow, it has to have been organised for a while.

What actually matters is my strong suspicion is that he fully intended to announce that he had plans at about tea time today. So he’s being such an arse because he’s annoyed that I have plans of my own (even if they in no way require him to stay at home).

Just like he’s being an arse about the house because his ego doesn’t like that I’m just getting on with finding a lovely place to live for me and the boys.

He’s also probably annoyed that I’m looking at quite centrally located things (in the particular area of the city, not the city centre) which is more desirable but is mostly Victorian terraces and some 1920/30s semis, whereas he is a detached new build on the edge of the city type of person.

So he’s taking it as both a blow to his ego and a rejection of his priorities.

My mum thinks he’s being difficult about them visiting because he’s embarrassed and out of his comfort zone too, which is probably the case. His parents really like me and are keeping in touch/being supportive (I realise that ultimately he’s their son so that’s where their loyalties lie; and I think they recognise that a good relationship with me is the best way to continue to have a close relationship with their grandson), but he must realise that my mum is not impressed at all with him. So yes. He’s probably dreading seeing her.

Yes it's all about his ego - best to stick keeping quiet about your future plans.

I can see he will go for the new shiny bachelor pad, while you are looking for a home that suits your DSs in mind.

You’re right. It is best not to discuss anything with him. That way he can’t cause trouble.

He’ll probably buy an (early) mid-life crisis car to go with his bachelor pad and younger model girlfriend. (I’m keeping the 8 year old Ford Focus, which I have no plans to replace.)

Ex is actually 2.5 years younger than me, but looks much older (not least because he is getting very bald indeed). He looks at least 10 years older than me. He knows this and it obviously grates on him.

He keeps asking DS2 if he looks older or younger than celebrities, and then gets upset when DS2 answers truthfully that he looks much older than them. DS2 even helpfully explains that it’s because his forehead is so huge (“and it makes you look quite ugly, daddy”).

I should be the bigger person, but I silently rejoice that DS2 tells him the truth.

My ex started dogging and meeting people from swinging sites while I was still living there, and bought a bespoke motorbike and loads of new clothes. Twat.

I didn't care, it really just kept confirming I'd made the right choice. I was also so so happy we'd never got married!

Dogging! You definitely made the right choice.

Ex clearly didn’t want me to know what he’s wearing tonight as he took his clothes with him in a bag.

My mum and stepdad just took the boys and I out got a nice dinner at a Japanese restaurant. We bought some ice cream on the way home and now we’re going to watch a film before they retire to the travelodge.

DS2 was worried about staying up past his bedtime. I said that it’s fine on Saturday night, but then he said ‘oh, yes. Daddy’s not here’ and decided that it would be ok because ‘daddy won’t know’. Being a responsible parent, I did say that of course his daddy wouldn’t mind etc, but it just goes to show that DS2 really thinks of his father as a bit of an inflexible tyrant. Because, he’s right, ex would get sniffy about DS2 staying up to watch a film on a Saturday night.

TBH, I’ve resigned myself to the donkey work with a Disney dad scenario. I think it’s the best chance for DS2 to have a good relationship with his father - and that’s important. Ex makes all the day-to-day stuff very stressful for everyone (well, he makes everything very stressful), but does manage to have fun with DS2 (when it suits him).

This morning’s gripe: I bought a pack of frozen croissants for breakfast. There are 6 in the pack. So I made them, to serve with Nutella and berries. Ex comes into the kitchen with DS2 and asks if he ‘is allowed’ one too. He always asks like that (to imply I’m the bad guy) and he always asks in front of DS2 (because he’s manipulative like that).

I really only wanted one, so I said yes. He sat at the table with DS2 and kept making comments about the ‘healthy’ breakfast .

Everyone had a croissant so there were 2 left. Ex asked if he could have half of one. I said that I’d planned for the boys to have 2 each. He then asked DS2 if he could have half of his, and I pointedly put a croissant on DS1’s plate. DS2 clearly wanted another croissant but said his dad could have half. Ex played the martyr and said DS2 should have it and went to pointedly search the cupboards for more food. Then he sat down and watched DS2 eat. DS2 left a couple of bites of croissant, which ex then ate.

I don’t think he’s quite grasped that it is his responsibility to feed himself, not mine.

Not as unhealthy as 4 pain as chocolat, the twat!

au