Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Smeaton I'm loving the Club House. I bet the cocktail names are entertaining...

Love the sound of the club house, happy to sit at the bar for a while

I need a clear head so will stick to an Iron Bru
It's the beard Smeaton can't help myself ;)

I'd like to be in the club house now, assuming no children allowed?!

Third its odd isn't it, why bother? I gave him an out to call it a day last week but he didn't take it. Will maybe give it another week then call it DOA.

Can I ask you lot what you think of this? I seem to get a fair few guys who, if I don't reply to the first message, then say 'I don't bite lol'
The phrase pisses me off because I think it implies that I'm too scared to talk to them or something.

Am I being precious about this? Currently arguing with a guy on pof as he sees nothing wrong with it (whilst also calling me autistic and a millenial snowflake for saying I thought it was misogynistic!)

Sky to me that's a fairly standard used phrase in the language so I wouldn't be going off on the misogynistic rant.

But to be honest it probably is! Just used to it! And if you don't like it then you don't. We all have our lines and maybe it helps weed them out early?

They lose me at LOL anyway!

Oh man I'm well behind on this thread! I hope the snow hasn't affected too many. Sadly the snow meant I had to cancel my trip to my friends again :'( so still no Mr Bachelor visit. Looking at Easter Monday now.Although now we're all thinking it'll snow again XD

@Bant I'm going against the grain too and think you should meet her :) she seems interesting and probably has a lot of stories to tell. She may be looking to settle down now too. A friend of mine was a bit like her but without the travelling, but he started and stopped several degrees, careers, for years and years. But he's finally found something he wants to do and has been in the same relationship through all of it. So it's not impossible.
@Jax good luck with Mr Nice!

I've ditched Ms Blade cause that particular OLD site doesn't send message notifications and it's been about a week since I missed her message... So I think I'll leave it there. She was perfectly nice but I just wasn't into the conversation enough if I wasn't checking messages.
Ms Sax date is still on on Friday and we've been messaging more frequently on WhatsApp so this seems to have potential :)

Question: My date with Ms music got cancelled cause she was sick, and then I didn't hear from her til today. She said she had the flu and didn't feel like doing anything, which is completely understandable cause I do the same thing. But in that time I had second thoughts and don't think I do want to meet. I don't think it has legs when it comes to family, and I didn't like the way she kissed. How do I let her down gently?

oh FFS so MrNice was out last night and has asked to meet a bit later today. Ive said ok, but Ive also said not to mess me about as Im not into those games. I wasnt annoyed - just setting boundaries really. So we will see if the date goes ahead later today. I cant really complain as I had a hangover yesterday and didnt want to meet up, he did suggest it though.

Hmm - one more chance then its adios! I text my friend to tell her and she gave good advice but I hate all this shit. I know its 101 but just hmmf.

I shall be at the bar, couple of drinks and then hit the dancefloor, love a boogie.

silver same here. If there’s a lol and kisses, I’m gone.

Love it Smeaton Wish it were real!

smeaton that is bloody genius!

oh smeaton . I dont want any of those cocktails. I want a straight up vodka, soda and lime.

im going to have to pass on those cocktails

things are a bit weird with MrF. we havent gone on any dates since DTD, he just comes round and stays the night. was trying to arrange for him to come over tonight but i said he couldnt stay as im up early tomorrow, he said lets just do another day

we would still have had 5-6 hours together, so i dont know why he HAS to stay. i then suggested tuesday day time, but he said he’s busy and “lets just meet next week”

kind of pissed me off so i sent him a text saying let me know if you want to do something that doesnt involve bed.

i like a bit of spontaneity. i have enough routine in my life. i want to squeeze in a quick lunch or breakfast when we both only have an hour or two free. or a random text like “lets meet in an hour”

cba with “lets meet tuesday and stay in all night” ...you’ve essentially skipped the fun dating part and skipped to married couple. i know sex is exciting at the start but it can be a bit boring.

sorry for the rant

esk seems like he’s just got into the habit of just coming over for sex. I know what you mean, the sex is nice but it’s also nice to have someone to out with and do things (eating out, going to the cimima etc..). I think for some people it’s easy to just jump into the routine of coming over in the evening and not doing much, this is the sort of thing people who have been in a realatioship for quite a while might do and I find it a bit boring. I would feel exactly the same as you, no way I want to end up with a husband and a boring life sitting in front of the tv and sleeping .

Just checking in; work has been mad busy so I'm way behind on the thread. Love the bar idea, I'm edging towards the Barstools I think.

On that note, nothing exciting to report here; Mr DiamondMine is back and still messaging but he lives 90 minutes away
( and Devon is covered in snow yet again) so no idea if/when we're going to meet. Got a few others messaging on POF and Tinder but early stages and not sure if any of them are really grabbing me just yet.

esk I would give him one chance to arrange actual dates or else ditch. He's looking for zero-effort shags by the sound of it... it's not very romantic!

Bant I don't see red flags with that woman; I know plenty of people who've done several degrees and had various careers, it doesn't mean they're fickle in relationships. They're usually pretty interesting people. I've lived and worked in several different countries too - some of the best experiences of my life. I would definitely give her a chance.

Really must focus more on OLD - was feeling a bit despondent about POF as was swiping but not getting anything back - then realised I'd hidden my profile - doh - it's livened up now

That’s brilliant val hope you have fun on there. I deleted Tinder today. I’m bored of it. The conversations are dull and no-one really grabbing me. I thought a break might help. I’m still on Bumble though.

Just a quickie esk1mo sounds like he doesn't really want the effort of dating but reap all the rewards. Its fine if you are ok with that, but I hear what you are saying. Don't compromise if you are feeling like that now, imagine in 2 or 3 months time you might look back and think you wasted some valuable time ;)

ignoring didn't meet, which was terribly frustrating because at 9pm he told me his work was done and he was just chilling out at his hotel. Such an opportunity missed. If he had been 1 or 2 hours earlier and a bit more upfront (he is a man, but he is a Portuguese one, and they are terrible for arranging anything more than 1 day in advance!) , i could have got a baby sitter. Anyway, he said he really wanted too, and invited me over, but of course my kids were sleeping in bed so it didn't happen. He is a sound engineer and works on events since you asked ;) Haven't discovered much more yet but he is funny.

Mr Italian is texting me quite a lot, and sent pictures of his baby (he has him on his own when he can), he is totally in love with his boy. Its cute. He told me he is missing me, I think I might end up breaking this ones heart......we will talk on the phone tonight, but after his next trip who knows where it will lead. probably nowhere unless he visits me.........

I'll try catch up later, just sent the kids to play and am cooking a roast :)

thanks love vet and pudding

he is only 21 so maybe to him thats what a relationship is. we’ve been out for food in the morning after, and hes paid for all the food we’ve ordered. but still, if you’re just after sex surely you arent fussed about staying the night? a few hours in the evening then taxi home would be ideal for
FWB, but he wants to stay.

i dont want a full relationship, but i dont just want to be used for sex. i want a friendship too, which include going out on dates.

sounds like Mr Italian is very into you pudding how does he think it would work with you both in different countries?

cant wait for this cold weather to piss off,
its seriously affecting my mood!

Brilliant Smeaton that's made me smile :) 10/10
Val you have made me smile too, you duffer!
Esksounds like he is taking you for granted already, arrange a few nights out and have some fun dates, if he doesn't want to make the effort, maybe rethink?
Kitten so have you whittled your hundred down to Ms Sax and Mr Batchelor now? Snow ruining plans here too, very frustrating
.Vet With you on the work front, barely any time for a life outside work at the minute let alone a relationship.

Well done Smeaton

I hope the bar seats are comfy. I'm staying for a while.

Hi,

Bit of a back story. I have survived parental emotional abuse and a couple of not very nice romantic relationships which have left me with low self esteem and make me question myself in all things romantic. I am a chronic over thinker. Had some psychotherapy last year which has helped but I think a part of me is never going to leave the self doubt as it's been with me for so long!

Basically I met a man last year. He had been separated for about 4 months, we dated until before Christmas but nothing heavy. I let my overthinking massively effect the relationship but it wasn't helped by his complicated situation with his ex wife and kids.

We parted and I dated other people for a couple of months but a conversation on a date with another man made me realise how much I missed him and so I approached him about getting back together and he said he'd like to.

I'm desperate to just go with the flow and accept that despite his situation not being ideal, I would prefer to have him in my life rather than not even if it means we can't see each other all the time etc.

But my head won't let me go with the flow and I run the risk of ruining it. I do all things suggested for overthinking, I meditate, read, see my friends etc. Have a very fulfilling life outside of him so it isn't a case of being desperate and sitting around waiting for him.

I just wondered if anyone has been in similar position and has any advice? Or am I missing any red flags? It would be greatly appreciated. Please be kind, I've had enough unkind words to last me a life time

Ignoring and Tom Hardy - I know - what a idiot I am - messaging 5 at the moment - getting confusing!