Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

.....got me more interested than just a one off that should have said.

bant you've made a good point there. I think I know what I want, but if I do meet someone I like then that might change and I'll bend over backwards to see them. I need to be a bit more open-minded maybe.

daffo it is so hard as a single mum and not wanting to appear as if you're making excuses. I just don't want to waste mine or my date's time. We do juggle so much, but I think we get there and do a bloody good job.

love that's very exciting about the divorce. I'd just say you're single.

pudding I'm just like you. If I engage with someone via messaging I do tend to give a lot away. The last guy I did that to ended up love bombing me, so I do try to be a bit more cautious now. When are you going to meet him?

So, last might my 17yo gave me a talking to last night. He said I have to stop making excuses and get out and actually meet people. So I've asked Mr Bear to meet for coffee tomorrow and he said yes. I genuinely can't then see him for a couple of weeks, but at least we will have had a first date to see how we get on.

If I have one more guy with a tattooed neck saying 'hiya gorjus', I think I'm going to go all Falling Down on their asses. I may need to chill out a tad..

Tom good advice from your 17yo!

He works really long hours, and lives an hour away so we haven't confirmed anything yet. He has friends near me, and come every now and again to surf (another surfer) in my area. He said he is trying to work out when he can do that. Its a bit tricky though as I have the kids, so it needs to be when I am free otherwise it won't happen. He reminds me a bit in the way he speaks to the very first iron I met on tinder. But more flirty..........I met the first guy. he ended up bring as camp as christmas and I left feeling a bit "meh" about it. So i tried going forward not to go too deep (although I still chat to the first guy every now and again and I really like him as a person). I find if I talk too long then meet sometimes its a bit of a disappointment, but hopefully it wont be.

I need to not overthink too much, but when I like someone it has a tendency to almost all consume me. Maybe I need to get chatting to a few others again while I am waiting.

😕 feeling a bit down today.
I have deleted and Smileys contact details so I can’t contact him.... even after a glass of wine or two lol
Tbh I’m pretty disgusted that he dumped me by text at our age and after all his ‘Mr Genuine’ bollocks over the last two- three months.
BUT he is not the first guy to say that I am a bit ‘posh’ and to voice that they feel they would not be ‘good enough’ and wouldn’t be able to be themselves 🤔
I am beginning to think I must come across really stuck up or maybe I am just expecting too much? Is there really anything wrong with having expectations and standards? One of our conversations on our last night together he put me on the spot a few times and I obviously was honest, it felt like it was a character assassination tbh. So on reflection he can fuck right off 😉

Love I’m in the other camp; I prefer to say I’m divorced. I’ll have to try and unpick why that is, not sure I’m going to like what I find though....

Pud thanks you. I’m still invested in dating enough to be here, but I’ve totally not got the energy to go and be proactive and search profiles and initiate. Which I need to. as what comes to me unbidden is........ not appealing.

And no one bother with Match Affinity; it’s just Match with no app and not a particularly user friendly site.

Lost have a hug. I’ve more to say on the subject of being seen as “too good/intelligent/“posh” “ for a man, as I’ve had to deal with that and I don’t have enough time to post atm. But trust me, it might be hard to see this right now but you have had a lucky escape if that’s what caused him to end things.
Never ever feel you have to downplay what you are to accommodate someone else’s insecurities. You’re a fucking catch.

Well I guess the fine thing is to just jump straight in....

Just back on OLD after ending an abusive relationship. He had this thing about me being too posh and too clever compared to him. I'm neither posh nor clever. He apparently got asked to leave his private school about age 11 because he just wasn't good enough to be there. Sounds odd to me but maybe he had a thing about it. He didn't make comments too often but often enough for me to think he had issues. That wasn't the reason why I dumped him but just part of the picture. Inferiority complex perhaps.

hi all, Ive tried to read everyones posts. So mrchef has asked for a date tomorrow. Nothing on at the cinema that either want to see and I dont think thats great first date material anyway. He works on a little Island a ferry ride away and is coming back for a couple of days. Maybe lunch, drinks etc. Who knows? He is working a 12 hour shift today, so I know he is busy but has whats apped me a few times.

mrsnog been back in touch but he is being kept at arms length until I get to the bottom of everything. I broke all the dating rules with him!

Ploughing my way through WMLB making sure I dont do that again.

Checked my messages this morning on pof. If we had an eye roll smiley I would use it!

Lost I've just had someone stop speaking to me on Match because I dared say I was at the gym and then going to london for work. Apparently that's how the "Other half live" and he's just "existing" It's their massive chip on the shoulder not yours!

Lostlily, try not to be too down about it, apparantly ended things by text is more common now. It's a cowards approach and doesnt give proper closure but I think for them it is a way to avoid the emotions.
My ex of 3 years ended it by text. It does make you think, did i really mean that little to you?? But I also understand that some people just deal with things differently.
Its not a reflection of you, its them.
Just see it as setting you free to find a better quality partner true to your worth.

I catch up with the thread twice a day but need a notebook and pencil to make notes to be able to comment on everything I want to - then again I agree with all the excellent advice already offered!!!

kin where are you? Hope all is ok?

lily well done for deleting contact details be strong - I had a thing last year with someone of pof for 7 mths and he ended it over text completely out of the blue - it is horrible feeling caught off guard

Well I hadn't heard from Mr Old Friend until he rang last night but I was sorting get kids out so didn't see it - I messaged saying goes sorry and hope all was ok, he said he thought he'd pissed me off by cancelling Sunday so I replied I was disappointed -we'll see!!

Chatting to a nice bloke past few days which is refreshing after a.couple of weeks with nothing interesting or owt going anywhere - hopefully a date will evolve!!

Waves at Barm Busy with work, busier still with my side business and dd is now off school but... I'll be back...

So chatting with nice man MrJasper (pets name) and it doesnot seem to ever get past the day to day catch up, bit of personal chat.

How do you move it on to a suggestion of meeting. Or do I not reply to his last message - was a general have a good Easter break message with no question - and see if he sends another message? The impatient, forward me wants to just suggest meeting up but have scared off two fantastic irons by being too pushy.

He is a bit older than me at 52, I'm 45. Maybe that's it? The young ones age 30 don't seem to have a problem being forward although it's always to ask for sex!!!!!!

For me, if after a week of messages, there is nothing forthcoming about a date then I'd block and move on. Who has time to waste waiting around. You can anyways ask them out first though if you're getting bored of messaging. The whole point is to MEET someone, not spend ages messaging. I am pretty impatient now I'm in my 40s though and don't have time for those who dilly dally.

Ok this is the plan then. If the possibility of meeting has naturally come up over any messages that might happen over the weekend, I will use Smeatons words.

I also tend to try and move it to a meeting quickly rather than only messaging (and I'm also mid 40s). You just get so much of a better feel for someone and it's a waste of time if you can't get to that point! Good luck!

Date with MrG - went really really well - funnily enough both of us were nervous (which is unlike me) but as time went on and we relaxed a bit, we both admitted we liked each other a lot and wanted to take things slowly but move forward. He had already come off OLD after we met the first time so I said I would. He said I didn't have to but tbh I don't like mucking people around and I don't have the time/emotional space to see more than one person at a time!

I am very hopeful for this one but I have also been hopeful at this point before so I'm wary too!

So MrSaturday is back and it's organised. I am indeed too impatient 🤦🏼‍♀️😁

Lets hope Good Friday is actually a good Friday! mrchef is coming home for the weekend and taking me for lunch tomorrow. Quite exciting but I am so scared and nervous and I feel ridiculously like a teenager. Will update tomorrow afterward.

Am gutted. Went on PoF for the first time in ages and he has changed his profile pic. He is obviously still trying to attract new contacts. We are sleeping together ffs. So, childishly, I also changed my profile pic and sent a message saying "I see you've changed your profile pic, no explanation needed, so have I, shame".
I thought we'd at least see where this would lead but obviously not!
Off the smitten bench. .

Third - that was bang out of order - I'm glad you called him out - be interesting to see if he replies. Tinder and POF have both gone quiet after a busy couple of weeks but I'm off to Ireland on Saturday for a few days so it might pick up over there !!

lost I'm so sorry. I remember our dating timelines were similar. I have been smitten and dating a guy who was separated. Just yesterday I got dumped too I'm really quite hurt by it. Just a few days ago he was saying he was falling in love. Then I kindly questioned whether he had time to see he as he cancelled a date last minute again (third time in a month) and he responded by saying it hurts but he has to let me go I really liked him and thought he liked me too. I guess he's just not in a place to have a relationship. I'm not expecting more messages but it's all happened so suddenly. How sad. Hope you are ok.

third I'm so sorry, how horrible for you It's so hard when you're genuine and sincere and it ends. Well done for calling him out though.

Lost I was blocked yesterday by someone I've been in a relationship with for six months!!! I sent him a message with a few things that were worrying me and asked him to be honest. He read and blocked me no response at all. That's a 45 year old man xx