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Original poster

Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

999 replies

VetOnCall · 15/03/2018 19:21

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
LiteraryDevil · 28/03/2018 21:39

Hello, please can I join you?

TomHardysBitontheside · 28/03/2018 21:42

pudding you are so right. I've come out of a not great marriage, tried OLD and had some dodgy experiences there and now I'm super cautious.

He doesn't have kids, which does make it hard. But he seems very understanding. I'm being really chatty on WhatsApp and he has said we could call each other, so I might just do that.

It is so hard to know what is going on in someone's head, but I need to live for the moment. Just chat and see what happens. I'm not emotionally invested yet anyway as it's such nearly days, so whatever will be will be. He does seem nice and we have loads in common. And he can spell and punctuate!!

Original poster
VetOnCall · 28/03/2018 21:49

Just had date with Mr NoName, don't think he'll be getting one unfortunately. He's very nice, not dull but just a little bit meh. Can't really put my finger on it but definitely no spark for me. He asked for a second date at the weekend so I had to do a bit of 'errrrrr not sure what my plans are yet I'll text you' prevaricating. I'll text him with a nice thanks but no thanks tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
Bant · 28/03/2018 22:07

Tom

I've been on dates before where I've really liked someone, fancied them, but their availability was just not the same as mine. If I'm involved with someone I want to exchange messages during the day, and ideally meet maybe once or twice or a week. I'm not needy or desperate, that's just the level of interaction I want, which fits around my life

Other people want three or four dates a week, or every day, and they can match up with people who want the same. Others only want once a month, which may be too little for you to be happy with. They'd see you as 'desperate and needy because you want to meet every weekend and get all annoyed when he went to Vietnam for a couple of months and didn't message'

It's very much about finding your own level, and seeing how much your own expectations change if you meet someone who you'd actually cancel other plans for, or compromise for and work into your life - as long as they're doing the same.

I ended up driving 200 miles every week, for over a year, to see someone who I fell in love with, when I'd originally thought it would just be nice as a casual thing. Meeting the right person changes your boundaries, hopefully in a good way

ignoringthechoc · 28/03/2018 22:54

Ah Bant you're a softy really aren't you? Driving 200 miles a week, now that's commitment!
I have deleted pof for now, going to give real life opportunities 6 months or so....am I still welcome to spout drivel here? Grin
I have had some great dates from OLD but following rule number 8, I want to keep a positive outlook so a break now feels right.
Good luck to people dating over the long weekend, hope weather doesn't go weird again!

Popcornandjam · 28/03/2018 23:35

A break is definitely needed sometimes ignore, I've been off the sites for just over a week and it does clear your head a little.

Feeling tempted to go back on, though want to hold out for longer as it can be depressing going through the same old motions. Think it was smeaton who said you missed it after a while and I agree, a little light hearted banter in the evenings is nice when you've had a long day at work.

flowergirl5 · 28/03/2018 23:36

After six months I'm back off the smitten bench. Seriously can't see myself putting myself through this again. Think I'd rather be single x

Original poster
VetOnCall · 28/03/2018 23:42

MrSandman I've just seen a post by you on another thread today saying that you have a girlfriend - lining up your next 'reserve' are you?!

OP posts:
Original poster
VetOnCall · 28/03/2018 23:44

Ah sorry to hear that flower, what happened? Sad

OP posts:
esk1mo · 29/03/2018 00:26

oh sorry to hear that flower Sad

i’ve been lurking and reading the thread everyday, but havent really had anything useful to add!

im still seeing MrF, just FWB. the last time i posted it was about my friend matching with him on tinder (he doesnt know her), well they had a brief convo and he said he had to be honest, he was just using tinder to try and find my profile Blush

basically i deleted the app from my phone for a day, without realising it would delete all my matches and conversations. so he must think i unmatched him. he hasnt mentioned it to me though, and i saw him a few days ago. strange.

anyway, i also really fancy someone 9 years my junior at my gym. we give each other that look, for 2-3 seconds. god hes so sexy. so he is kind of on my radar, i hope he approaches me soon Grin

i also matched with a gorgeous judo player on tinder, but he started with the awful dirty talk so i never bothered messaging back.

im intrigued to know whats going on with kin !? updat us all please

CoverMeLads · 29/03/2018 00:34

Ignoring if you can then I bloody well can Grin

Flower also sorry to hear that. We’re always here with an ear x

MrSandman something else that might surprise you about women in their 40s is that they’re not massively keen on being patronised 🤔

CoverMeLads · 29/03/2018 00:41

Esk I’m sorry, but you mentioned flirting in the gym and my brain went straight here. Love the song, video is a bit questionable but a) equal opps objectification and b) I choose to think it’s meant to be tongue in cheek......

Skyrabbit · 29/03/2018 00:42

Flower sorry to hear that, are you OK?
Cover and vet so glad you said that about Sandman, I was wondering if I was OLD embittered or not because I thought the same thing!

If I have one more guy with a tattooed neck saying 'hiya gorjus', I think I'm going to go all Falling Down on their asses. I may need to chill out a tad...

CoverMeLads · 29/03/2018 00:55

Sky I once saw a guy with half their face tattooed pop up as “Today’s Catch”.

Which was niche.

Lovemusic33 · 29/03/2018 07:33

cover I had a man with facial tattoos message me a while back, I didn’t reply, I found he looked quite scary, now I like tattoos but anything on the neck or face just screams out ‘twat’ to me. Are people really that stupid, surely it ruins their life? No wonder they are single and probably jobless?

Seems a lot of people on here are not having much luck at the moment? Would be nice for some of us to have some good luck and meet some nice people.

Mr Tinder is waiting to meet me, he wants to see me Sunday but I will be busy packing to go away Monday, I’m going to try and brush him off until I get home the following weekend. I am back on POF but hardly going on there, there doesn’t seem to be any new faces.

3 years after splitting from dh and 3 days ago my divorce finally went to court, I’m now waiting for my degree absolute so I can celebrate, I can officially say I am single and not ‘seperated’, or do I have to say I’m ‘divorced’?

Lovemusic33 · 29/03/2018 07:41

Sandman, why wouldn’t 40 year old women be expereanced in the bedroom? You have to remember that it’s easy for a woman to get sex, easier than it is for a man so a single woman in her 40’s may have had a lot more expereance than you Wink. I’m now wondering what you had to google Grin. Thank you for your observations on OLD from a mans perspective, there are several men on here and we find the expereance to be very similar for men and women.

SilverdaleGlen · 29/03/2018 07:48

Sandman I'm kind of regretting sending a supportive post!

Well I need advice, sent options on meeting places to an iron, he read yesterday and never replied. Everyone has 2 seconds to say they'll get back to me right? I don't want to go now. Do I msg again and say I'm out? Or just leave it?

Lovemusic33 · 29/03/2018 08:01

Silver when are you meant to be meeting him? He might be thinking about it, I would give him a bit more time, sometimes people are busy and sometimes people (like me) are rubbish about making a decision.

penny1ane · 29/03/2018 08:06

Silver, i agree with lovemusic. He could also being trying to play it cool and not appear overly keen. I guess unless you know him well enough you dont really know.

SilverdaleGlen · 29/03/2018 08:13

Not until Saturday, but I have had to book babysitting and want to let that go if it's not happening.

He works long shifts I guess, maybe I'm too impatient. My head gets in "work" mode and I want stuff done now Blush

Lovemusic33 · 29/03/2018 08:18

Silver make other plans if it doesn’t happen, I always have a back up plan with OLD, if I have booked childcare I make plans to do something alone if the date doesn’t come off as quite often with OLD it doesn’t happen, I know it’s a pain when you are paying for childcare but people are not very reliable. Maybe give him until the end of the day and then send him another text asking if the dates still on? If he doesn’t answer then assume it’s not happening.

DaffoDeffo · 29/03/2018 08:31

Tom you are in a similar domestic situation with me and I tend not splurge on about the mountain of stuff I am doing every week because I have found (on reading it back) it does sound like I am making excuses or that I am too busy to date. I don't think a lot of men understand how busy a single mother's life is or how exhausting it can be! Ultimately, we know how to fit it all together or we wouldn't be doing it!

DaffoDeffo · 29/03/2018 08:34

that's a good idea lovemusic

I hope you are ok flower

I am meeting MrG for a coffee this morning (date 2) - quite nervous which is unlike me as it does seem that we get on very well but I've thought this a number of times only to be proved wrong by date 3!

DaffoDeffo · 29/03/2018 08:35

(sorry wasn't meaning to slag off men in my post about single mums, I meant single men with no kids rather than all men in general!)

pudding21 · 29/03/2018 09:27

smeaton and bant Hmm indeed. sandman women are full of suprises you know, just like men. And yeah, women over 40........

flower sorry to hear that, what happened?

esk1mo sound like FWB is looking for more, would you? Also wondering where kin is, hopefully he is on the smitten bench and too busy to write.

cover hope the ennui has passed and you get back on the horse soon.

Mr French has got me all in a spin. Hes the first guy I have spoken with for a while who has got me interested in just a one off. He is saying the same too. We have been leaving each other lots of voice messages but haven't spoken on the phone yet. I feel we are in that territory where we either reveal more about ourselves but might not be able to meet for a while, or reel it back in. I don't want to over invest just from messages, but I feel a real urge to want to unravel all those layers. He is an onion this one, very intriguing. We seem very similar in the way we think. He is being uber cool with it all though, suggestive but in a very subtle way. Watch this space.