Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Pudding* keep playing it cool - slowly, slowly, catchy monkey !

Well shock horror, my big romance with Mr Smiley is over 😥
I think I have got to sort my shit out before embarking on anymore dating... it’s a lovely distraction when it’s going well but so horrible when I fails

lost what happened?
oakley OLD is a market - you are selling yourself to a bunch of guys or ladies who look at your pictures and may or may not read your profile. I get messages but most of them I dont reply to. Some I do, depending on whether I like their profile, their message is a bit different or they have made me laugh.

pudding he does sound like he likes you, spending time talking to you. But I do wonder if he would have made a move by now? If he was into you, I'd have expected him to suggest meeting up. But I don't know him. You do and I think you have to follow your gut feeling here. Sorry that's not much use is it?

lost I'm so sorry to hear that. I thought it was going really well? What happened?

Really sorry to hear that Lost, what happened?

Pudding it's hard to say with Mr A; on one hand if he was really interested you'd probably expect him to have at least made it fairly obvious by now, but on the other hand he's being employed by you so may want to maintain the professional relationship. That said I would try not to let it cloud my judgement if he was dropping the ball work wise, he'd get his arse handed to him if I thought he was taking the piss.

I'm seeing Mr No Name tomorrow evening, he seems nice, and keen but I can't really muster much enthusiasm for it, probably as we haven't actually messaged all that much. We'll see anyway. Definitely more nerve wracking will be meeting Mr DiamondMine on Monday for a dog walk and lunch. I think he's all but married to his job though, both last night and tonight he's got home from work after 9.30pm and he said it'll probably be the same all week. I guess if you're earning silly money they want their pound of flesh in return but I don't know where a relationship would fit into that, especially as we don't live near each other. This is all probably a moot point though so I'm not going to tie myself up in knots about it just yet

Hey Costa fellow newbie.

I basically decided to do sites based on some article I read about the top 10. So I'm currently on bumble, zoosk and match. Will try them out and rotate.

Quite a bit of chatting but my two main irons have cancelled the date we planned, one vanished with an ex platoon and the other carries on chatting but can't be pinned down!

I don't hold out much hope but have to give OLD a go.

oakley They all sound like pricks (& nunber 1 sounds positively scary)!
I am no expert at All with OLD but I would say Contact 1 and 2 are just general pricks and Contact 3 has been really .... desperate/sleazy asking for a picture with fewer clothes. Have high standards!

I am ridiculouskly obsessed with MrSpectacles. I just want to feel normal. I am worried he is too flighty & erratic. He said he really liked our full day out together. Maybe he is full on with everyone he meets . Oh god I want a niice bloke so bad :(

Sorry to hear that lostlily. I don't think it ever gets less painful that initial let down :( so I hope you feel better soon x

I don't get a lot of messages at all but I am not too bothered at the moment. I go through phases of being v calm about dating and phases of being v annoyed!

MrG has asked to see me before he goes away for Easter which was unexpected (I was ok to wait till after) but quite nice so we are going to meet for a quick coffee. Fingers crossed!

Good luck Daffo!

Well I thought it was going really well, but I saw him at the weekend one evening and the atmosphere was different and we seemed to clash on a couple of things. The next day we had a few messages crossing throughout the day but he said, ‘ we needed to iron a few things out and we have so let’s not see it going backwards, let’s move on’

And then last night I came home to a very long message basically saying it’s over,

I've ventured into OLD for the first time, using POF. I'm finding it a bit soul-destroying but hey-ho, nothing ventured etc.

Can anyone suggest why I'm getting 'Meet Me' requests from people who are clearly a bit out my area, not to mention out of my my league, and who don't seem to have looked at my profile at all? There's very little local interest from actual possibilities (sigh) and I'm struggling to believe that these people are taking one look at my profile picture and swiping right. It is quite crushing to get these requests with such a strong suspicion that they're not genuine. Maybe I just need to toughen up?

Lost sorry to hear that. Especially if you felt the clashes had been discussed and sorted out. It's horrible when you feel things are going well and it ends suddenly like that.
Look after yourself. My advice would be not to contact him. Tempting as it may be to try and get more explanation.

Fishes that's normal OLD behaviour. Same on Tinder, they swipe right on nearly everyone and then pick the matches they want to chat with.

My date last night didn't happen. I turned up and messaged him to see if he was in the pub already. He replied that he couldn't get there because of traffic problems. There were a lot of issues on the roads round here last night so it could be legitimate. Fortunately I only had a short walk home.
I'll let him get in touch again if he wants to rearrange.

The meet me bit is a bit like Tinder. People swipe left or right based on a picture alone and i sometimes think theyre phony

Well quite, if I wanted that I'd be on Tinder I think. It's all too much judging a book by the cover isn't it? Fine when you're young I suppose but I'm in my 50s and I think there's so much more to people than how they look.

Smeat - too honest?

Run - gutted :(

I felt crap last night after ending it with Mr 2-dates. Wonder if I can ever make anything work!

smeaton I’m having the same expereance on POF, why do people have to write such negative and picky profiles?

lost sorry things didn’t work out, he sounds like he doesn’t like facing up to things, maybe he’s looking for a woman who keeps her mouth shut when she doesn’t agree with what he’s saying?

fish most the ‘meet me’s’ I get are from people that live way too far away and look like male models (out of my league), hardly any of them have actually looked at my profile, I wonder if they are real people or if POF do it to make it look like people are interested?

Trying to catch up with the thread, it moves so fast. Still not much going on here, chatting to a few people but no dates as I’m run off my feet for a few weeks. Enjoying a bit of a break.

Morning lovelies! Yesterday I got chatting to a few new irons, we have mrchef has asked when Im free - not answered yet but we will see later. MrUniform - has sent a picture, chatted away but wants to chat some more before moving on to text/call etc (fine by me) and MrOil who is a lovely looking guy, has chatted a lot and Iike him.

Further update on MrSnog - he phoned me last night after I got in from work, said Id got it wrong, he isnt someone else's guy, spanish inquisition was mentioned...He said he isnt seeing someone else so I said, I just asked a direct question. Anyway, he had been out with his brother, arrived at mine in a taxi said he wanted to talk, lots of talking happened, he stayed (nothing happened) and I dropped him at his this morning. Kind of confused now though.

Im just getting on with my day, doing my thing and will see if I hear from any of the above later.

Smeaton, I was on pof around 5 years ago and just recently signed back up again.
I honestly think it has changed a lot over the years.
My original experience was very good, lots of positive profiles that always looked inviting. I had lovely dates, made friends and just generally had a good time.
Now however, it just seems like a pretty depressing place. I'm sure the girls on there are all nice and have probably had some bad experience. It just seems like they all want to announce it on their profile. No cheats, liars, game players etc. Fed up with this, dont like that.
Its such a shame because i know they are probably frustrated but it never looks appealing to me.

I’m still suffering from OLD ennui; unhid profile and changed photos around, had 3 messages none of which I wanted to answer and have hidden it again. Don’t have the energy to be proactive about searching and initiating messages right now so I’ll just lurk in the shadows for a bit if that’s OK.

I don't get the negative profiles. To anyone genuine it's just offputting so I won't choose them.

And to anyone who is a fake or a user they aren't exactly going to go "oh fair call love better not contact you" are they?

I agree smeaton. The lying about age thing really pisses me off. With the first guy I quite liked, he lied by quite some measure and had loaded photos on the website that were at least 5 years old. I just don't get it! You are who you are!

Question - does it bother you when you organise a date, and the person it's with is online on Match a few days before, still looking?

Question 2 - where do you suggest for a first date! Mine so far have all been a bit ad hoc.