Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

I felt exactly the same Sky. In months and months this is the only person not 15 years younger than me or 10-15 years older than me that has got in touch

I think you just have to wait and wait and I agree, I think it's one of the worst ages for online dating.

Hi. I’ve been having a think.. I had a nice time on Saturday and it’s been lovely meeting you - but I’m just not feeling it I’m afraid. Take care, Iron

?

Honestly I think once you're over 30 there isn't a 'good age'. I'm 36 and want to meet someone who is around the same age as me but so many men in their mid-late 30s want to meet women in their late 20s. A lot of 36-39 year old men have their 'cut off' at 35. I get a lot of messages from mid-40s men but I'm not interested in someone who is 10 years older than me. Sigh.

pudding do NOT steal my FWB, you can borrow him but send him back again he's hot

I have a date on Saturday now, who seems nice but I'm nervous!

Also had a lovely long chat with an Iron who I shall name MrTechy. Really like him but yet again an overseas worker so bet we never get chance to meet as we are both busy

Match is freaking me out, have a message from a 24yr old, I'm 40 FFS he looks like a baby, a cute baby but I just couldn't!

Just trying to catch up a bit; Jax I'm really sorry to hear what happened there, what an utter prick. I hope you're ok.

vet I am ok, just licking my wounds. I quite liked him and he was a great kisser. Thinking of the positive things for me, Ive got a bit more of me back, found my sexy and know that I am ready for dating now. He spent the whole weekend with me! Phoned, evenings etc. I pity the woman who he is with. And we have a few mutual acquaintances... all I am going to say is Tequila is the devils work and Im not doing shots again... That said, a bunch of us are out on Saturday night so will have a laugh with them all.

Jax I don’t understand why anyone could do that to their partner and basically lead a double life dating someone else. He’s probably done it several times, you would be surprised how many people seem to join OLD because they are ‘going through a bad patch’ with the wife. I hope you find someone to take your mind off of him.

Vet I’m the same age as you, I don’t mind dating older, most of the men my age seem to have young children or they want children (I don’t) so I find it hard to find anyone my age, I had kids early, they are growing up and I don’t want someone with young kids. I do get messages from younger men but I have never dated someone younger than myself.

sky I'm 49. I've found it tricky meeting people my age that I actually like. Most of them I wouldn't touch with a bargepole.
I use Bumble which has been ok. And POF. Loads (about 99%) are unsuitable, but sometimes there's someone of interest. Today has been a bit mad. A 31 year old but then 2 my age who both seem friendly and are very chatty.
I find it easy to find people my age to chat to. But I do find the dating thing harder. I've been lovebombed and ghosted by people my age. (Thanks to everyone here for helping me through these experiences).
So I'm really choosy who I actually meet. So for me, the problem is finding people who genuinely want to date. But I'm ever hopeful....Good luck!

jax it sounds to me like you have had a very lucky escape. He might have ticked a lot of boxes, but he'll only go and do this again and again. You're much better off without him.

No I don't do younger men either Love, I'm only looking for a long-term relationship and don't want to be someone's 'older woman' fantasy. I do still want to try to have kids though - well, one anyway - and agree that it's hard to find decent late 30s-early 40s men who don't already have young children. One isn't an absolute dealbreaker but it would have to be a really exceptional man for me to take on all the potential complication that it brings (been there and got burned last year). Problem is the decent, intelligent, solvent, good-looking child-free 30something men can pretty much pick and choose so they're going for the younger women because why wouldn't they.

love he wasnt an OLD - he was a RL guy, we know lots of mutual people... he doesnt live with this person, I know that, Ive been to his house. And he must be a rubbish boyfriend because he spent a LOT of time with me. tom yes very lucky, will not repeat those mistakes again. For sure!

I sent that and blocked him. But didn't block him on my phone and he sent a message almost immediately that I now feel compelled to respond to

Is it okay if I join? I'm considering trying OLD for the first time since becoming single a year ago and you guys seem to give eachother some great support navigating the bizarre world that is dating! X

Jax how come none of your mutual friends knew about his girlfriend? Does he not take her anywhere? I feel sorry for her , he must vanish for days and then reappear? Anyway, your better off away from this twat, he’s obviously not a nice person.

Thanks Smeat. I sent him this (which was properly honest) (and swiftly blocked):
It's not you - it's me, as they say. Course you're not bad. I do like you but there's just no spark for me. Maybe it's too soon. I'm really sorry. I'm going to block you (in case you think I'm rude not replying). TC x

NEXT

Hello dating gurus!

Have just set up my match profile! And what is with the X number of conversations left?

I dont understand! Help?

Thenewphase welcome. I'm on Match and I've not figured that out yet. I think you can only have 10 conversations going on one day at a time. So if you're chatting with 5 people and 5 people message you and you want to also chat with them - you can't message any more that day.
I've never had this problem, I'm lucky if I have more than one a week.

But date tonight with a guy from Match. Actually nervous about this one as I'm wondering if he's going to show up. And I had to check his profile to remind myself what he looks like.

Thanks runs. To be honest still no clearer!

And good luck for tonight. Let's us know how it goes!

I've got two conversations going so hope it does not limit the number of messages I can send as don't want to give out my WhatsApp willy nilly!

Newphase - you're one step ahead of me! What made you choose Match, out of interest, over the usual Tinder/ POF?

Well, having read the last page of messages I'm relieved to hear that it's not just me struggling with OLD....I was beginning to get a complex! .

Can I ask for advice? (I'll be as brief as I can, lol)

After much deliberation, I took the plunge into OLD for the first time for many years.....(Zoosk) finding it on the whole to be quite a respectful site.....been on there 6 weeks and so far only one really inappropriate message of a sexual nature who was immediately blocked (and no rude pics so far) BUT

Contact 1 - After messaging for 1 day asked for my number and when (his subscription was expiring - so he said) I refused as it was too soon said I was being too cautious, then proceeded to search for me on Facebook (though how he found me with just my first name baffles me) and then popped up messaging me on my FB MSN! This freaked me out so I blocked him.

Contact 2 - was messaging for around a week (messages getting increasingly sloppy) and then asked me for a date. Went on the date and I realised quite quickly that there was no attraction for me at all. He on the other hand invited me on two holidays, asked to meet my friends, asked to join me in my hobbies, kept touching my leg , wanted to take me home (right to my front door) and generally acted really desperate. I messaged him a few days later telling him gently that there was no "spark" for me and he called me shallow!!

Contact 3 - now this one I was hopeful about, I really like his photo. Have exchanged messages for around 3 weeks now. Nice, normal messages on the whole. Initially asked for me to send photos of myself wearing less, but when I declined became more respectful and normal and we've had many nice chats via messaging on the site. Then 10 days ago he sent me his mobile number and have had messages via mobile and on the site since. A couple of weeks in I suggested that it may be nice to meet, but he said he was busy for a few weeks working long hours.....I said no rush. Last night I get a message asking if I had plans for the Easter break. Yippee, at last I thought. So I replied that I had no concrete plans as yet and asked if he had.......and since....NOTHING!
OMG, is it me? I'm baffled, confused.com....whattheheckisheplayingat?? Is this some kind of online game they play? Can any of you more experienced OLDers shed any light please?

Costa I chose Match because I got half price. Worked out at £5 per month.
I've had 6 dates from it 2 months. All have been nice men but not for me. It can be frustratingly slow and you don't know who has paid. If they don't pay they can't read messages.
But I've had more success on there than on POF or Tinder

Thanks Runsforcake- makes sense. Bargain!

I find the thought of Tinder and POF a bit scary - seems a bit of a meat market. But having said that I do know of people who've met someone long term on there so probably shouldn't pre-judge.

I've dated a couple of guys that I've met in real life but it quickly became apparent that they "weren't looking for anything serious" which i found disappointing. Not that I necessarily am but don't want to sign up for casual either!

Don't know whether I'm brave or strong enough to take the plunge and try!

Just a quickie as I am mid bath with the kids.

Some contact from Mr 25 but nothing mentioned about the other night. I am not saying anything after his "maybe in the summer comment". I wasn't that desperate to see him again but it kind of made me a bit "meh".

Mr French i might have fallen a little bit in love with. I will meet him for sure soon hopefully, sounds lovely and very sexy but really cool with it.

Then.....Just when he's almost out my head, Mr A comes back with something. Basically he is behind with my work, to the point where something happened today on the build because I didn't have his final plans despite him saying I would. He's taken on too much work, he's young and just starting out his career. I hadn't said anything but I think he knew I was a bit pissed with him. I've had to try to keep the urge out of it, and I think so far I have been cool with it, but not suggestive at all.

Anyway I think I have been more forgiving as I am very fond of him, but he isn't up there like I thought he was, he has disappointed me somewhat. But he kept me chatting tonight for 45 minutes, after already seeing me today for half an hour. He fessed up at the end of the conversation.

I am 99% sure he is genuine in how apologetic he was and I appreciate how he has discussed it with me (ie. he opened himself up a bit by shjowing some vulnerability) , but the other 1 % of me wonders if I am being taken for a schmuk. I don't think so, but he's got me all a flutter again. God I am such a hopeless fucking romantic.

Thoughts on Mr A?