Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

val don't meet him. He sounds like a drain. My wise mum always says "there are two types of people in life, radiators and drains. Chose a radiator". And another wise friend said to me as I embarked on my OLD journey: remember you don't owe anybody anything, its a good thought to have in mind. Don't feel obliged.

vet I am intrigued about your hair! But what a cheeky twat.

So update.

Mr 25 did indeed arrive last night as he said he would (I thought he might bottle). He is gorgeous, looks older, very confident. Chemisty was there, but not as much as I would have liked. We had dinner, we talked a lot and inevitably MBs were served. We slept a little bit and then he had to leave at 4:30 this morning to drive back to pick up a friend and take him to the airport. Full marks for effort on that part (it took him 90 minutes to get here). We were very honest with each other and it seems he has a bit of a quest on to try and sleep with as many women as possible and clearly likes older women. We were talking about sushi and I said, oh maybe if you come again we can go for sushi and he said "maybe in the summer". So i know exactly where we stand. It was left very nicely, but in all honesty the sex wasn't that great although satisfying, I know I need an older more experienced male. Not disappointed, he was polite, fun and sweet. I think my ex FWB has spoilt me in all honesty, he was an amazing lover from day 1.

Mr French and I have had loads of gorgeous flirty banter, we have a lot in common too, I would jump at the chance to meet him.

Mr Actor also wants to meet up and he seems lovely.

I am very tired today and have to work, plus have the kids, its gonna be a long one!

tomhardy I agree it is very painful but just be thankful it didn't continue and you got hurt later down the line. That's the positive spin I like to put on it. Better now than later x

Tom I hate being ghoasted, it’s horrible, I have kind of grown to expect it but it doesn’t make it any easier (just less of a shock). I have been on a few dates where I have felt it went really well, there has been kissing and talk of another date and then they just vanish.
I found changing my WhatsApp settings have helped so I don’t look to see if they have been online (as it annoys me more) and I now just block after 48hours so I’m not left wondering if one day they will suddenly message me,

Thanks love and daffo I am checking when he was last online, which is pointless. I suspect he's got others on the go. I have at least archived the chat!

On our date, whilst kissing, he touched me in a very inappropriate place and I said no. He also joked about sending me dirty texts. I suspect he is looking for a FWB, which I'm not after.

With regards to ghosting, does it come down to the person having many options?
I remember when i first joined pof years ago my friend was on it too. He was a catch, although im a guy, i knew it :-)
Anyway he was always going on dates with what i thought were very attractive girls. He hardly went on 2nd or 3rd dates because to him, another, better one came along.
I think the sweet shop mentality took over.
In the end he knew his luck would change so decided to settle down and start a family.

I think so Penny, that and some people just don’t know how to tell someone they have changed their mind. I think it’s easy to get carried away on a first date and seem over keen, then you get home and think about the date a bit more and realise ‘actually, I don’t think I’m that into them’ but then the decent thing to do is tell them, not ghoast them.

pudding see photo! I'm not implying that I look like Shakira but my hair texture and length is basically this and depending what I do with it I get the same looser or tighter curls as she does with her hair.

Tom he sounds like a bit of a sleaze and like he was trying you out to see how far he could get. You were rightly clear about your boundaries and so he's fucked off to look for easier prey. Lucky escape, honestly.

vet then he is even more a twat. Tell him if you brush it you look like side show bob.

Thanks Vet I think you are exactly right. When I suggested this last weekend for a second date he almost freaked out and cake out with a rubbish excuse. He touched me between my legs, which I really wasn't having it expecting. He is obviously only out for one thing. Good luck to his next victim.

BTW if that is what your hair looks like it's gorgeous!

I'm not going to waste my time replying, even if he wasn't a bit of a dick he's 10 years older than me anyway - and looks far more

I can understand ghosting if the date has not gone well, or conversation fizzling out after a first date (dunno if that's ghosting necessarily), but after a few dates and kissing, surely it's not hard to put a small message together to tell them you don't want to go any further.

I decided to do that with Ms Sax, cause kissing didn't spark anything, and I wasn't at all excited to see her today. My friend helped me out a nice message together (I'm way too blunt sometimes) and I got a nice message back. She doesn't want to be friends, which is fine, but she thanked me for letting her know and not dragging it on.
Admittedly I needed help to write the message, but it finished on good terms and no hard feelings. Not difficult.

@val, I also think don't do it. Just too many red flags...

@thenew it sounds like it's fizzled out.. it's a pain and annoying but not your fault, and he clearly doesn't deserve your time.

The 48 hour rule sounds brilliant! Can't use that on Mr Bachelor though.. it takes us days to reply to each others emails...

He's now my only iron. But I'm gonna give OLD a rest for a bit, get my house disasters fixed, and come back fresh faced later

Tom if someone did that to me on a first date/first kiss they'd get pretty short shrift. No, it's definitely nothing you did or didn't do, he was only after one thing and if he'd got it you probably wouldn't have heard from him again anyway.

Thanks re. the hair. I never look sleek or perfectly groomed but I love it. My ex used to say it was just like me, a bit untamed

Vet I've seen your profile and your hair is gorgeous - don't change it!

Hiya. Not posted on this thread but did on the last. I has a Tinder query? How do you see when someone was last active on the iPhone app? Can you even? Not in a stalkerish way

You can't, iron

(My ex said exactly that to me once, but in a different context)

I know many of you have said don't go tonight but I've decided it is only an hour or two out of my life - we're meeting early as I've an early start tomorrow - I like to give people the benefit of the doubt ( or perhaps I'm just too soft)

iron I don't think you can on tinder, only thing is if there kms/miles change then they have moved location and have logged in during that time (iykwim).

I think they disabled that function a while ago (thank god) I hate the last online/ read shit. It makes me feel pressured to reply!

val hope the date goes well. Keep us posted.

Right one more thing about Mr TV (who ghosted me) and I'm done. I've just remembered he texted me one evening a couple of weeks ago to say hello and told me he was "relaxing in a hot bath". This only confirms my suspicions he was after dirty talk and ultimately sex. I bet he was hoping I'd ask for a photo. I didn't. Definitely a lucky escape.

I am now very tempted to message him and say "I'm still waiting for dirty text messages" and see what happens.

Tom, if you are really 'done' why would you text?
Surely it would just boost his ego.

Yes penny it probably would. I sort of want closure, but my common sense side of me just says stay away.

I wouldn't waste your time looking for closure Tom, there's no real gain from it. I would spend the time on better things.

@tom I wouldn't, I don't think you'd get any closure from it... It sounds like he's a dumbass and you've had a lucky escape tbh..

Back from my date with mr very local - and considering how much I wasn't looking forward to it, it turned out to be a really nice couple of hours. No chance of a romance - we are just far too different - he doesn't work, lives with his mum, doesn't drive, swore a few times and made a couple of racist remarks - pulled him up on the swearing and racism and he took it on the chin and didn't do either after that. This makes him seem terrible but he wasn't - seemed very genuine just not my cup of tea.

Val love you, but you are nuts. And meeting a man who said he won't go to town because "it is full of foreigners" is basically condoning racism .

Tom I know the feeing, my rebound was with a man for 6 months nearly and then he ghosted! Literally weekends away, 2 x dates a week, then boom gone. It was awful and I chased for a while until my friend pointed out what a freak he must be. In hindsight he wanted the sex, and quite possibly a visa! And when he didn't get love and a visa he fucked off to the next victim. He crawled out of the woordwork recently to try and sex talk. I've ignored him. It's so so so frustrating but trust me making that mental choice to say fuck too, block and move on feels so much better!