Break Out The Red Flag Bunting, It's Dating Thread 131

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

Oh and there are things called "winks" from a load of 23yr olds, I'm 40!

The whole thing is freaking me out!

cover most men have bigger tits than me.

I had a look on POF last night, my profile is still hidden, nothing of interest to me yet, same old faces.

Wondering if Mr Camera will message me tomorrow when he returns from his skiing holiday but I doubt he will.

And I think I've been ghosted.....

Lovely first date with Mr TV on Wednesday. Agreed to see each other again. Lots of snogging. One message yesterday morning asking how I was (we drank a fair bit). I replied at about 8am and have received absolutely nothing since. Normally he'd message me a few times in the day and generally a quick hello in the evening.

Anyway I'm not messaging. I'm just annoyed really. Why does this happen? Everything seemed ok. We laughed, we got on well. I didn't come across as needy (all thanks to WMLB).

All I will say is I got the impression he was perfectly happy single. He's never married and wasn't forthcoming about any previous relationships. And there were a couple of things that made me realise he is very keen to have MB. He has referenced "dirty text messages" a couple of times. Again the WMLB book helped me deal with that.

I'll see if he messages today but I am not chasing. And if I have been ghosted then it's time to take a break from OLD. Onwards and upwards, as they say...

Yes Tom its not fun and hard to understand really. Not hard to see enjoyed but no thanks. I was totally ghosted after what I thought was a good date last week and someone I would have thought reliable. And had another couple of annoying things happen re OLD .So taking a month off and doing several fun things I would find harder to do if in a relationship. Life is more than OLD :)

mum isn't annoying isn't it? He actually seemed quite different. I'd much rather him say he's just not interested. To walk away is just downright rude.

Smeaton noooo she looks totally genuine, imagine secret benefits is the solution to lifelong love!

Tom im going to go against the grain and say he might not be ghosting you. some people cool down the texting/messaging after a date, and wait a few days before contacting. thats what ive noticed anyway. but if he is ghosting, hes a prick

MrF is coming over tomorrow. he’s been quite sweet, we had some texting back and
forth before bed the other night. some banter, flirting, and genuine questions, which we havent done before. he isnt much of a texter, so that was nice.

my friend messaged him on tinder and he never replied naughty me.

Thanks esk that's quite reassuring. I really don't know. But as tempted as I am to message I'm going to wait. If he likes me he will contact me.

Hope it all goes well with MrF!

tom have you any other irons to distract yourself with? dont put all your eggs in his basket

esk no, I haven't. I binned Mr Clown. But am thinking of going to back to Bumble and finding some new people to talk to.

I didn't mean to end up with one iron, it just sort of happened.

Hope Esk is on the money, Tom ;it does sound odd but then little surprises me where OLD is concerned recently. Keep us posted?

Secret Benefits sounds like some kind of inside job DHSS scam, but if you want tips Kestye then there’s just shy of 131000 messages on the subject here; knock yourself out

Hadn’t heard the term “Marleyed” til yesterday, but it occurred to me that I’ve been Marleyed 3 times in the last month. Old fling (nearly 6 years on), Ageing Rocker (9 months) and MrMr (1 month) and HungAndHilarious was a master at it during our 10 year on/off shitshow. Plus the gf of a fling from 12 years ago (during an H&H hiatus) contacted me on FB last year to tell me he’d died, so presumably he’d hung onto my contact details.
I’m not sure if this makes me unforgettable, or I date weirdos. Discuss.

I'll catch up a bit later, but I need someone to knock some sense into me. Have a second date with Ms Sax tonight and I'm bloody bricking it. I haven't had a second date in ages and my stomach is jumping up and down and all I want to finish cancel and go home. Have had house disasters this week with my shower leaking and needing it shut off, leaving me with no shower and a plumber who's disappeared.
Someone tell me to go on this bloody date please?

Kitten go on the bloody date, lol. Really! He's obviously keen.
Cover had to look it up and yes I've been there too and I've also marleyed guys, when I'm bored.
MrWow has been the day with me. Bliss. Numerous 'O's'. Never had anyone like him.
Nothing lined up for the w/e as I'm only seeing MrWow haven't got the strenth.

I hope Mr TV gets in touch Tom; I think the uncertainty is the worst, not knowing where you stand. I hope you get some clarity on it soon.

I haven't heard the term Marleying but I'm going to assume it's a blast from the past suddenly reappearing à la A Christmas Carol?!

I think I have a date on Monday night, I hadn't given him a name yet, can't actually think of one which may speak to my level of enthusiasm. Speaking to a couple of others but not sure how much I have in common with them. Mr DiamondMine is back in the country and straight back to trading commodities or whatever he does. If he doesn't mention meeting up very soon I'm going to knock it on the head, lovely as he is I don't want a pen pal. I'm not convinced he wouldn't end up being too busy to actually have a relationship anyway.

In other news I've met some in real life who I quite like which NEVER happens, but no clue if it's mutual or if he's even single. No wedding ring but he could have been living with someone for the last 10 years for all I know. He's someone I've seen in a professional capacity - he's a specialist and I've had to take my own dog to see him 3 times in the last few weeks, including today. He was definitely chatty today, turns out we both climb and he asked where I go and then was surprised we'd never seen each other there. I dunno, we're back again in 4 weeks so I'll definitely see him again but even assuming he wanted to he can't really make a move when I'm in for a consultation as a client (it's not illegal or anything but it would be seen as unprofessional and I've never considered doing it myself). I might have to mention I'll be at the climbing wall on X evening and maybe see him there and then see if he turns up!

Tom this has happened to me so many times that I expect it after a date (which is why I’m taking a break), I’m not sure why people can’t be honest and say ‘I had a great night but I didn’t feel a spark’, it’s not hard is it? I usually give them 48hours and then I block them and move on.

kitten go!!! im sure you will have a lovely time with her, she must like you to have a 2nd date

ive done a pudding and found myself fancying a much younger man. he goes to my gym and i came across his instagram, i thought he’d be about 23/24 (im 28) but hes flippin 19 !!!!!! we check each other out alot though, and i always get the “you’re 28?! omg i thought you were like 17!!”

• didnt mean to press post.

anyway yeh, i do look younger, so its not THAT bad, is it?

i dont fancy men my age/older at all. like never have, my whole adult life. except anthony joshua but hes my age.

Kitten - apologies for the 'he'.

Thanks love, esk and cover. It is the not knowing that is so annoying. I have no problem if he doesn't want to see me again. He was a great snogger, the date was fun but I didn't completely fancy him. I just think it's rude to just disappear. Says she who just did exactly that to Mr Clown, but we were only chatting....anyway I will keep you posted.

kitten you must go on your second date. You'll soon relax.

vet the consultant sounds fab. Hope he is single!

Thanks @esk, @third and @Tom! I'm on my way but I'm shaking out of nerves.. wtf is wrong with me?

@esk get you and your younger man! Good luck with Mr F!

@tom back in the old days before things became more "instant", didn't people usually give it a couple of days after the first date to get in contact again? It could just be that. But if he is ghosting then he's a tool.

If this goes horribly badly or I explode, I'm blaming you lot ;)

That liked walking cooking dogs has had me laughing since I read It Cakes

I've been on a few dates now. I am realising that it is going to take months before I work out whether something works or not and I am also getting bored of it!

Victim 1 - nice bloke, v emotionally smart but concerned about finances/work. Think he's a long term sickie as he never seems to go in! And that worries me as I worry he will want to be financially dependant on me

Victim 2 - v suitable man but I think quite emotionally damaged from his divorce. Met last night. Think I should go on a second date.

Victim 3 - v similar interests to me but no spark so will say bye to him

Victim 4 - lovely message from him today but we haven't met..pondering whether I should or shouldn't

Thank you Daffo I asked him how many dogs he cooked on a typical walk. And suggested punctuation might be useful. Then he blocked me!