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New relationship & drip fed information

120 replies

Hilarium · 14/03/2018 14:52

I’ve been with him for 3 months. I fell for him very quickly which is unusual for me - very unusual. I am not one of those people who is in love with being in love. We just clicked. He’s gorgeous and I really enjoy his company.

He had been married for 16 years and told me that he and his wife separated because they just grew apart. However, he also told me his teenage daughter doesn’t speak to him and is angry with him. I thought there has to be more to this. His lack of relationship with his daughter really hurts him and he desperately wants her back in his life.

So anyway, last week I found out the truth. Which is that the reason for his marriage break up and his daughter’s anger is that he developed a porn addiction and had sex with a prostitute. He moved into a different room in the house but then added insult to injury by going off with another woman because he was ‘lonely’

He had suggested that his wife was difficult because she had not let him value the house and sell it. But I can completely understand why she would do this and if I were in her shoes I would think why the hell should I lose my home because he decided to bang a hooker? I can also understand why his daughter won’t speak to him.

I think everyone deserves a second chance but would I be letting myself in for more of the same? I had noticed that he seems to have hang ups about sex which apparently is all related to the above.

I really love him and he treats me very well always. But obviously it concerns me that he could behave in such a self destructive way.

Would you be concerned about this?

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AtrociousCircumstance · 14/03/2018 14:57

Is this real? Do you really have to ask?

Porn addiction in his little separate wank room? Using prostituted women (who were very possibly victims of childhood abuse and poverty) - paying for an using another human being as a wank sock?

Yes he sounds delightful. Definitely marry him.

MidLifeCrisis2017 · 14/03/2018 14:58

How did you find out the truth?

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 14/03/2018 14:59

Concerned, yes. I would presume he would be capable of treating you the way he did his wife (no matter what lip service he spouts to the contrary!).

You have had a bit of fun, but you now know he is not a keeper.
He has way too much “baggage”.
Move on and perhaps get a STI check.

meme70 · 14/03/2018 14:59

My ex the father of my youngest he had sex addictions and I found out he was cheating on me with his ex when I was 3 minus pregant
I then found out he cheated on everyone and found a prostitute guide in his home.

He promised me he’d stop etc

He didn’t we had a business which was our home and I ended up losing all I worked for as his sexual problems

Since I left him 6 years ago he went on to date multiple women cheating on them etc

NotTakenUsername · 14/03/2018 15:00

Really?

NotTakenUsername · 14/03/2018 15:02

I left a man who told me he had favours from a prostitute while single.
Disgusting and not someone I was willing to take a gamble on.

Justmuddlingalong · 14/03/2018 15:06

Liar ✔️
Cheat ✔️
Porn addict ✔️
Sleeps/slept with prostitutes ✔️
But he's gorgeous and good company... Well that's OK then.

Hilarium · 14/03/2018 15:07

If you think this is not real then may I suggest you don’t post on my thread and report it instead of being rude to me 😡 I’m autistic. So it can take me a long time to process things. I’ve namechanged because this could out me.

He says he feels disgusted with himself about the escort and is struggling to come to terms with it. I felt the fact that he was married for so long suggested that this really had been a one off.

I wish I had known the truth before falling for him.

OP posts:
Hilarium · 14/03/2018 15:08

He also told me he doesn’t watch porn any more ages ago but he wouldn’t tell me why.

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DancesWithOtters · 14/03/2018 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/03/2018 15:10

What he did is disgusting. He’s right.

You have known him a very short time and have absolutely no idea what his marriage was like, how many times he did these things, for how long. I can guarantee he hasn’t told you everything, he will have minimised. So yes he will have lied to you.

This man is not a good choice for a relationship.

He has cheated.
He has a porn addiction.
He has used and paid for other human beings as objects to have sex in - it is an abuse.
He is not someone to have a relationship with.

Move on.

Hilarium · 14/03/2018 15:15

The way I found out was I asked him if the reason his daughter doesn’t speak to him is because he went off with another woman. And he then told me about the escort.

I just think that paying an escort requires a great deal of premeditated thought and plenty of opportunities to back out.

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Hilarium · 14/03/2018 15:23

Is it actually fair to assume that once a cheat is always a cheat?

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Justmuddlingalong · 14/03/2018 15:33

Possibly not, but how do you excuse his other behaviour? Or do you just ignore that because you've invested a whole 3 months?

Hilarium · 14/03/2018 15:37

I’m not ignoring it at all. I’m trying to get my head around the situation. I knew him through work and everyone had only positive things to say about him. He didn’t seem sleazy at all. He says he only did what he did because he was in such a bad place.

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AtrociousCircumstance · 14/03/2018 15:37

He’s not just a cheat though is he?

TERFragetteCity · 14/03/2018 15:39

He says he feels disgusted with himself about the escort and is struggling to come to terms with it.

Lol. Course he is. Poor chap. Someone get the man a box of tissues to wipe his tears away.

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 14/03/2018 15:39

What kind of hang ups ?

Shoxfordian · 14/03/2018 15:40

I think you should consider how he treats you now; whether he gives you any other reason not to trust him

Obviously he's acted like a complete shitbag to his ex and I can see why his daughter doesn't want to talk to him as well. Its up to you if you can separate this and trust him now.

Justmuddlingalong · 14/03/2018 15:41

Do you honestly love him? After 12 weeks and all you know about him?

Ragwort · 14/03/2018 15:42

He says he only did what he did because he was in such a bad place.

And you believe that, more fool you. Hmm

There is probably loads more he is not telling you, have some self respect and move on.

adayatthebeach · 14/03/2018 15:44

I agree with what’s been said. What are you going to do?

Bakedappleflavour · 14/03/2018 15:44

I wouldn't be with someone who'd ever slept with a prostitute regardless of if they were single at the time or not. It's morally reprehensible.

He's told you who he is: listen, and get out now.

Isadora2007 · 14/03/2018 15:46

I would be asking him what steps he has taken to work on his porn addiction. And if it’s none, or just stopping... then either he is lying about having had an actual addiction or he isn’t dealing with it and it WILL affect you both in a sexual relationship.

I would advise he seeks sexual relations therapy either with you if you want to remain a couple, or on his own.

Hilarium · 14/03/2018 15:47

I don’t believe it just because he’s said it, no.

In regards to sex he was hesitant about us having sex and seemed quite uptight. It has to be ‘making love’ he won’t do anything that he thinks seems kinky. I’m quite open sexually so I couldn’t understand this. And I myself have sometimes used porn though not any more because of the way women are often portrayed.

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