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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...

999 replies

seshi · 12/03/2018 21:01

Hello ladies for anyone attempting, going through or wanted to try No Contact. We don't judge on here... Just lots of lovely support and advice... Come join us

OP posts:
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31
gingergenius · 15/03/2018 07:45

Morning all. Going to attempt day 1 of NC for personal matters today. Contact will be strictly work related and only if absolutely necessary.

Good luck all x

Itsalottery · 15/03/2018 08:08

bloody I think you are my alter ego! We are exactly the same days nc and I could have written your last post word for word! Onwards and upwards eh?! I hope today is less thought swimming for you!

wossgoinon · 15/03/2018 08:15

I have broken it. Just to tell him that man and van will be coming with his stuff. Still nothing. He never loved me at all did he

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 15/03/2018 08:25

My body is messing me up right now - anxiety taking over ( why anxious? ) - I get nauseous and an upset stomach - also I sleep too much . I think my mind is also recalculating what the whole episode with NC was and it is telling me that I was deluded at the time, read more into it and got carried away by the highs BUT he did lead me on with his declarations (which he maintained even at the end were true) . Why do they do this ? It would be easier if they just said " No you were just a shag " . Is that how manipulative he is - even then/now he wanted to have a hold over me ? Ah - too much thinking and no new facts !! I was even thinking about just looking at the WhatsApp to get me through this right now but already I sense a bit of freedom that I have gained from not looking at it yesterday . He is no longer part of my life although everyday there is the chance I can walk into him.

seshi my date is supposedly tomorrow night - am going to drop him a message later today to check that we are still on or if he is one of these ones that just disappear . Right now it feels like the last thing I want to do . Sad

ontheshelf · 15/03/2018 08:28

New low point

Don’t know if anyone remembers my first post on here but I have just found out that he took the woman he was chatting up home that night - can’t believe it. I know he’s a horrible guy but to do that to someone when you’ve invited them out and know they like you Sad feel ten times worse now. Would rather have not known.

Now I’m obsessing, all sorts of images going through my head

Day 4 NC Sad

gingergenius · 15/03/2018 08:29

@ontheshelf that's really hurtful. Hugs x

ontheshelf · 15/03/2018 08:33

ginger thanks, it really bloody is Flowers

gingergenius · 15/03/2018 08:52

I am perversely upset that he is now doing what I want and leaving me alone. I suppose I've been used to this dance for so long it feels weird when it doesn't go to the normal pattern.

I just feel sad today. I stupidly still love him. Or the version of him that I fell in love with in the first 2 years. That's who's in my heart.

Hugs to all of you feeling a bit lost today x

Original poster
seshi · 15/03/2018 08:53

@Bloody you know what I totally understand that a date could be the last thing you want to do... I really didn't want to go on mine last Saturday. It was OK and a distraction though. If you really don't feel like it don't push yourself. Anxiety plays havoc with our bodies... I literally cannot eat some days.... Look after yourself today... Do you have some girlfriends you can invite over for a natter if you don't feel up to going out?

OP posts:
user1493423934 · 15/03/2018 09:08

ontheshelf thats horrible.
Ginger sorry you're having a bad time.

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname · 15/03/2018 09:08

Thanks seshi I have a busy day today so quite diverted . Just feel so f*cking numb though yet bitter at the same time .

gingergenius · 15/03/2018 09:11

Please someone talk some sense into me. I so want to tell him I'm sorry for being useless and hormonal. I am a sad pathetic mess.

Original poster
seshi · 15/03/2018 09:17

@ginger no... Grab that warrior sword... You are not useless... You are not a mess... He is fuelling this. Please realise this.... You are obviously tired from the whole thing and this is making you feel weaker. You have to regain some self esteem lovely and he will not give you this. He is beyond a shadow of a doubt emotionally abusing you. We will hold your hand today... Come on... You can do this... Xx

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Original poster
seshi · 15/03/2018 09:18

@onthe he is a shit and he was probably just using her as well.... I am sorry that it's made you feel like this. Be kind to yourself today xxx

OP posts:
Oldbrook · 15/03/2018 09:19

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Oldbrook · 15/03/2018 09:21

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gingergenius · 15/03/2018 09:32

Thank you all. I'm so tired of it all. The shouting and the put downs and the shutting me down and the storming off (that's him).

I miss who I thought he was. I miss being able to have amazing sex. I miss laughing with him about shit no-one else would find funny. I miss getting up to mischief and feeling like it was us against the world.

Is it too early for fizz? So confused about how I feel. I KNOW HES AN ARSEHOLE. So why do I feel so sad?

Ravenscloak · 15/03/2018 09:40

Someone linked to this - I thought it was perfect so saved it. Here’s an edited bit:

It’s better to be single than to be in an almost relationship, because almost isn’t enough. You deserve more. You deserve reliability, consistency, love. You deserve someone who says what he’s thinking, who gives as much as he accepts, who keeps every promise and never disappoints you.
So, until you find a relationship like that, stay single.

Oldbrook · 15/03/2018 09:41

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gingergenius · 15/03/2018 09:45

@Oldbrook thank you. That made me cry because you are absolutely right and it hurts so much. Thank you though. Because those words are what I haven't been able to articulate and it makes having those feelings easier. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

And @Ravenscloak yes. You are totally right. I guess we all just learn to put up with less and lower our expectations.

This is all so much easier when we're angry!

Thank you all. X

Oldbrook · 15/03/2018 09:48

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Oldbrook · 15/03/2018 09:49

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Belonger · 15/03/2018 09:51

Beautifully put, oldbrook. Big hugs to everyone who needs them today. You are beautiful and this pain WILL pass.

Belonger · 15/03/2018 09:55

This is really important :
I suppose I've been used to this dance for so long it feels weird when it doesn't go to the normal pattern.
This is a key realisation. You just need to get through a few times of the new pattern and it will feel less uncomfortable. The old pattern ended with you feeling shut but it was comfortable and familiar. The new pattern feels like shit now but you will feel happier and stronger soon.

Courage, be brave my lovely.

Basseting · 15/03/2018 09:55

anxious WOW, those quotes.

I often find quotes trite/hard to relate to but I have combined those into:

A secret door into a walled garden (me) his keys no longer fit/open it
I have refound MY OWN keys. Inside it's wild, beautiful but neglected.
I am going to tend it lovingly. He cant come back in, I am too busy now.

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