Need help leaving once and for all

[Dancetothebeat32]

As I type I am sat with my 2 year old shaking and crying, he has hit me for the last time today, I truly mean it. I am scrawling through women's aid and refuge, waiting for the police to arrive my other 2 children are still in bed I feel like such a failure to them for allowing this to go on for so long

Hello OP.
Firstly, congratulations on taking this step. I'm so glad you have called for help. I (thankfully) have no experience here but I'm assuming they will call Women's Aid or a nearby refuge for you? Others will be along soon with more help and info.

Secondly, and I know this is much easier said than done, please try to focus on the fact that you are now actively making things better for children. You have been the best mum you could have been under awful stresses, and you will be an even better mum going forward. No-one could have done better than you have done - you are their mum.

No no darling you're not the failure x you need to think about what to do. If you live together, he needs to be arrested and bailed, with bail conditions not to attend the house or contact you. Are you alright with that? Or are you thinking you'll leave the house today? In which case its packing a few things? X I worked in refuges for years and years, this is the worse bit, in approx six weeks you're going to have a whole new life xxxx

Oh OP, this is the first day of the rest of your life, hopefully people will be along soon with some practical advice but a hand hold and for you.

How can you be a failure to them, you’re putting an end to this. That makes you a strong role model. Being strong doesn’t mean you never have regrets or don’t find things hard, it just means you’ll do what you need to to take you and your babies out of this situation

Thankyou for replying to me, he has gone, he tried to break my phone so I couldn't contact the emergency services,
I have fled a few times before then seem to fall for the bullshit.... I just cannot live another day doing this, I don't recognise the woman I see in the mirror anymore and I am ashamed of myself I truly am......I never in a million thought I would be the woman that would put up with DV, he has taken the bank card and left me with nothing,

I'm not bothered about the money to be honest it just shows what kind of man he is

You can do it. Hth

I'm going to ring womens aid then refuge, am going to try and be gone today, tomorrow at the latest

You can do this! You are stronger and braver than you think xxxx

Well done op. You can do this. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I know it’s scary but just think, soon you’ll live a life free of fear. No more walking on egg shells.

Well done you no one should have to go through this, whilst you wait for Police to arrive can you collect any documents you may need /birth certificates for little ones and details of any benefits/child allowance/tax credits if you get them also any bank details you may have it will make life easier for you.
Don't be talked around again he will never change go forward and make a peaceful life for yourself and your children you deserve it.

I've left a message for call back the lines are busy, I just feel sick I truly do, and the funny thing is I sort of knew this would happen today, he likes to ruin occasions, Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day....... I literally have nobody to support me right now, I've allowed him to ostracise me from my friends and family, so I have nobody to turn to, I don't live near any family or friends I am on my own, there's one person I can turn to but I don't want to ruin her Mother's Day

The irony is that the police rang me on Thursday asking if he will attend for an interview from when I had to involve them
In August last year, I withdrew my statement but they have chosen to Pursue it due to the recording of the emergency call, there was an incident 3 weeks ago which I didn't report

You are doing the right thing OP. You are absolutely not a failure. You are doing the best thing for you and your children. You do need to get together all important documents relating to financials / rent / mortgage / insurance etc. Ducks in a row time. Divorce the scumbag and don't look back. This is the day that you have set yourself free and opened a door to a bright happy future

I have left message on estate agents answer machine to ring me tomorrow first thing to hand the notice in, I don't have a passport because he ripped it up and threw it away, my eldest aren't his just the 2 year old, police haven't arrived yet, I did tell them he had left of his own accord though....I am just drained I have lost count how many times he's hit, spat in my face kicked and verbally abused me, he wishes me dead almost every day, I cannot understand why he has turned into such a despicable human being, but I make him do it, I push him to say and do these things

Hi Dance did the police take him away or did he go before they came? If the police took him they will arrest and bail him - I was lucky mine was asked to come to the police station - he was arrested, charged and kept in a cell over night - put before the magastate the following day - he was bailed to a different address and ordered not to contact me. He was charged a few weeks later - he cannot come to my house, I was given a restraining order for ever!!! Thankfully.
Don't be hard on yourself - it took me two years to let people know what was going on at home. I carried a lot of shame. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT -
Why don't you report the card as lost. He is not entitled to all the money - don't let him financially screw you over.
You've done the hard bit. Yes they are good at ruining special days - mine was the same - Christmas shit ( he didn't like Christmas) BO Ho - I used to tell him " you've got your own child now - make an effort for him" they are tooooooo selfish.
Womens aid can be busy. Keep trying and keep posting.
It's tougher when your on your own.
🌺🌺🌺 x

He basically ran off too scared in case he got arrested, he tried to take my phone and smash it so I had to lie on the floor holding it he was kicking me and screaming at me, then he heard the 999 operator then kept asking me why I was doing this to him!!!!!!! He can have the money I dont care I keep ringing but I understand they are busy, I need to just get out of the area, there is nothing keeping me here. I feel sick I really do

You will not be ruining anyone's mothers day if you contact them today, I promise you that. Please reach out to someone IRL so you can get some support. Is the house yours or his??

You can do this.
You are doing this.

This is the first day of the rest of your lives. You have saved your children from a future of this.

Get all the support you can. Ring that person.

I have made a phone call to my family support worker.......there's nothing anyone can do today, I have to sit it out, they've told me to ring police to put a marker on the property... the house is rented,

Honestly I'm sure that person will not mind, you won't be ruining her day.

I don't want to ring her, I just want to get the money together and just make my way to her, she said I can just turn up, I have rang her before numerous times saying I am leaving and I never do, so I feel like a fraud ringing her.....
I know her home is mine I just need to find the funds to get there

Call everyone and anyone you can who will support you. Please don’t let him come back. He will end up killing you. You can do this. You deserve better than this. Your kids deserve better than this. Contact your family and ask for help. If you have to, get a train and go stay. You can do whatever you want and need to get away from this. Now is the time it stops. Lock all the doors and wait for the police. Do not let him back in

How much do you need to get there?

You don’t need a bank card. Take your ID to the bank tomorrow and they should let you take money out. Take more than you need. Take a bank statement so you’ve got the account details and photo ID. Tell them he has taken your card.