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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you do? He's married.

176 replies

window · 06/05/2007 12:02

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
MrMariella · 07/05/2007 21:18

This window of opportunity is definitely closed.

ELF1981 · 07/05/2007 21:21

Sorry, I dont think I was jumping on her. Everybody is entitled to an opinion, that was just mine.

essbee · 07/05/2007 21:24

Message withdrawn

olderbutwiser · 07/05/2007 22:08

you did the right thing - well done, I know how tempting it is.

BUT

marriages don't break down because one partner has an affair. A partner has an affair because the marriage is breaking down. Just because the 'innocent' party thought the marriage was fine until the Other Woman came along doesn't mean it was fine at all. IMO

macdoodle · 07/05/2007 23:26

The marriage may be over that doesn't excuse the OW not unless she is totally retarded

TheKnightsWhoSayNi · 07/05/2007 23:29

OK, a) in general we don't use the word retarded here I think and b) SHE'S NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!

Monkeytrousers · 08/05/2007 00:38

it isn't decided until she see's him and tells him.

She is single, her gonads are her only moral guide - which isn't much

you have a lot to learn, as Grasshopper would say

KerryMum · 08/05/2007 01:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Janos · 08/05/2007 06:46

I just think a lot of people seem to be piling in and having a go....think I'm going to to leave this one alone now.

FLATPACKER4HIRE · 15/05/2007 19:25

Advice please.... v complicated... Do I tell wife of man I've been seeing that we've both been taken for a ride (quite literally).... I have been seeing him long before they met.. due to work reasons I was unaware he'd got married (it was v quick). Even since he got married I have been seeing him... unaware of his change in circumstances. If it was me I would want to know before matters got complicated with kids etc. I am no bitch... nieve yes but didn't go out to be a mistress was just enjoying time with the man I loved. I have worked out that some of the with held numbers I recieve on my phone are her calling because she has suspisions and have spoken to her on phone and said she must have wrong number.
What do i do... leave her to continue with him or come clean. HELP. x

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 15/05/2007 19:27

Come clean. Surely you dont intend to stay with hime now you know all about his deception. She should know what a cheater he is.

FLATPACKER4HIRE · 15/05/2007 19:31

I lovge him so much but know I could never trust him... thing is I want to do whats right, but don't want to hurt him and don't want to be seen as the bitch..... my family say I should keep my mouth shut but if it was me I'd want to know :-(

FrannyandZooey · 15/05/2007 19:32

You know I really think it would be helpful sometimes if we could ADD to an OP - not CHANGE it by deleting stuff but add a kind of "with hindsight" bit for people coming in to a long thread like this to read

we don't always all have time to read the whole thread and I think it causes the piling in after the OP has said "ok stupid idea, sorry" type situation

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 15/05/2007 19:35

Flat paker do what you feel is right - your family are probably worried you'll make more troubel but IME these things have a way of coming out and I think you should tell her and give him the boot.

essbeehindyou · 15/05/2007 19:36

Message withdrawn

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 15/05/2007 19:47

yes she must know - please tell him to off

FLATPACKER4HIRE · 15/05/2007 19:50

I do have self respect and have avoided contact with him since finding out. Its just you don't stop loving someone over night. I know I will never be with him as I'd always think he'd do it to me... But I just wanted some outsiders views on what to do. I, as a women would want to know if my fella was cheating on me, but don't want to be a marriage wrecker!

Carmenere · 15/05/2007 19:53

Wonder why it was a quicky wedding? Maybe she is pregnant, I would probably give him the option of telling her or else, as it is going to be better(if you can use that word in this situation) coming from him.

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 15/05/2007 19:53

sounds like his marraige is wrecked anyway - nothing to do with you. You'd be doing her a favour - if she doesn't know already she should be made aware - I would def want to know.
Had similar experience when I knew a friend of mine was constantly cheating on her husband. I said nothing even when he asked me outright - in the end she **all over hima dnhad 2 kids with another bloke. he was heartbroken - never even saw it coming.

FLATPACKER4HIRE · 15/05/2007 19:56

She not pregnant... LOL! She's got loads of money. She proposed the day before he deployed away with armed forces. 4 months later when he returns wedding already sorted, 2 days after he returns he's getting married. He had no imput in wedding.... and I know this from his friends, not him!

littlelapin · 15/05/2007 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FLATPACKER4HIRE · 15/05/2007 20:16

I know he's a jerk and I'm a fool. Just fighting with whats best to do..... Thanks everyone who has answered my cries for help. x

FLATPACKER4HIRE · 15/05/2007 20:59

Well... currently I would like to do it but am a coward..... so who knows... was gonna have a glass of wine but know that won't make things any clearer. :-( thanks again x

macdoodle · 16/05/2007 08:43

sorry no sympathy here you only have his side of the story not his wife - fact is he married her not you - you are the OW and a marriage wrecker anything you do is to make you feel better - don't kid yourself it is for the wifes benefit !

mylittlestar · 16/05/2007 09:08

have you spoke to him about it?

you've been seeing him for a while, and in the middle of that he's got married to someone else...??

if this is true I think you, and the wife, are better off without him.

i'd tell the wife, then confront him together. and see what he has to say...

(i'm very bitter atm though, and just couldn't stand back and let the twunt get away with it! )

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