What would you do? He's married.

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having read this whole thread i would have to question whether bluebubbles is old enough to be married

littlelapin - have been hearing the same noises myself for a while, and shouldn't have let myself get sucked into this. So am off to have a more grown up argument with my kids.
Have a nice day all.

well I did want to say go back to your homework BB or similar but in the view of I don't know etc benifit of the doubt! anyhow, I stand by my posts.

It's always a shame - "feckless bloke justifying shagging needy woman shocker" but still it goes on.

I think the debate on who is to blame is interesting.

But I think both are to blame, the married person for cheating on his/her partner, and the willing second party who enters into the liaison knowing full well the other person is married.

Speaking as the "victim" of an affair (my dh had an affair with a work colleague 3 years ago- we are still together)
I would just like to ask you to think about the pain an affair causes.Everyone involved ends up getting hurt and the ripples that go out......him, his wife, his children, his parents,family friends.....and for you too.
I appreciate you are not the married one here but I'd urge you not to put yourself in this position because the ripples go out for you too. Not least he'll break your heart, he'll promise a life with you but ( I think I read the figure is something like 95% of affairs do not lead to a long lasting relationship)
Even if he did ever start a life with you you will never be "free" of his exisiting life he will always have a connection especially if there are kids involved.
The woman my dh had an affair with nearly had a nervous breakdown and my dh came close too- we all went through so much pain that we are still recovering all because of the thrill of a fantasy relationship- because that's what affairs are- they aer escapism and cannot survive the reality of atrue relationship. Please find someone unattached- why put yourself through hell!!!!

God, no brainer, stay away.

I would run a million miles
And so should you

Even if this a wind up i am going to have my say too. I have just been through this - i thought i was happily married (and i think now he will say we were) So i do not believe that he may not be happy - he may just fancy a bit of fantasy as maturer says.

As for the 'evil' other woman - like it or not that is the way it is seen - we are all women and we know there are advantages to that but there are also some drawbacks. Like the man having the least pain. Sorry but that is the way of the world and we all know the rules - so if you are going to go for a married man then you will be hated by ohter women. We all need to show respect for others for this to stop. We know men are weak and we are the stong ones so that is why we like the 'sisters stick together'.

I have also been in a situation where i came pretty close so i know about temptation too. Keep your knickers on and respect for yourself. Of course his wife could be the most wonderful person too and you wouldnt want to do that to her would you?

Pathetic.

I am a wife and mum, who less than 48 hours ago, sat face to face with the 'other woman' who has been sleeping with my husband for 6 months.
I listened to how 'she couldn't help falling in love with my husband' how she did her best not to think of me, how she slept with him in my bed, how she built up a relationship with my baby, how she took an overdose when he said he was coming back to his wife...

I sat an listened to every detail. And even ended up feeling sorry for the pathetic bitch.

I hope nobody else ever has to experience what I have been through in the past 6 months, and as for the past 2 days, - well the feeling I have now will never leave me.

But more and more women will experience it, day after day after day. As their husbands are to weak to face up and talk about their issues in their marriages, and too weak to keep their pants on. And women like you encourage it.

Grow up.

i can think of 2 men locally to me who are both married and have tried it on with me

the first one was pursuing me even while i was still with my exh, and upped the nate when we split

he went on to tell me he "loved me", and got jealous when he saw me with men, trying to grill me about them

when he dished out teh love bit, i said to him "so you love me do you? does that mean you want to leave your wife and kids for me? because i dont want you"

he said of course he wasnt going to leave them, and i told him that in which case he should be honest and cut the bullshit, and that what he really wanted was me to shag on the side, which wasnt gonna happen.

the second one asked me out about 3 times, and i said no each time

the 3rd time i said no he asked why, and i said it was because he was married, which he tried to reason with that he was only asking me out for lunch, what was the big deal? i said it wasn't ...... if he called his wife there and then to ask her if it was ok with her.

he hasn't asked me since

I've only read the OP so not sure what advice everyone else has given but here's mine - no no no! I had it done to me - she was my supposedly best friend - and could never advocate doing it to someone else. It doesn't matter how keen either of you are, he's in a relationship so is out of bounds. If there's something wrong with his marriage he can try to fix it or end it. If he does end it & you're both still keen then it's up to you but remember if he's happy to cheat on one wife, he might be just as happy to cheat on another.

Littlestar - my 'other woman' married my ex, my 2 elder daughters live with them so I have to keep some kind of contact & I've just discovered that her, her daughter & my dd1 & dd2 will all be doing the Mile For Maude I'm organising next Saturday.

good on you Lou for sending em back to the stone they should be living in behaving like that. - phone his wife, tell her about this lunch seeing as it's so innocent and all.

window - married men have huge 'unattainable' element.
Do you ver meet any single men you like?
I've known women who never like the men who like them... it has to be an 'unavailable' man.
They usually only find happiness with someone genuinely available ime!

i've never been backwards in making my opinion made known

GreebosWhiskers I can't imagine how that must feel for you xx

Lou I love the way you dealt with your encounters - great answers

Can't believe this thread is still going - window appears to be long gone
MLStar and GWhiskers - you have my greatest respect, I honestly don't know how I'd handle your situations

mylittlestar - I have seen some of your previous thread(s) so I know you have been having a rough time. Would it be rude to ask how you came to be having to liten to the OW like that? Not sure I could manage that. Even now.

No! No! No! No! NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Slippery slope. Don't climb on it.

You don't want to play second fiddle AND it's not fair. He's clearly a lowlife if he wants to play away, do you honestly need pond scum in your life?

What would I do?

I would leave skidmarks.

Bamzooki my dh finally 'ended' things with her on Thursday evening last week.

Around midnight that night she texted me to say I didn't know the full truth, that she was ashamed and gulity and wanted to tell me her side.
(She had my number because when I first found out about their affair I took her number down off dh's phone and texted her to ask her to leave us alone.)

So I agreed to go and meet her to see what she had to say. I wanted to know to be honest. And I'm glad I finally know the truth as a lot of things he did make a lot more sense now!

But a lot of the reason she wanted to see me was out of spite. He had broken her heart and it wasn't enough for her that she'd been sleeping with my husband for 6 months - she wanted to make sure I NEVER took him back by telling me everything. To ruin his life too and ruin his chance of getting me back.

It has backfired on her in a way though, because I now feel some 'closure' having met her, and will take my own time to decide if I want to give dh another chance.
I also feel happy knowing that she is nothing compared to me and will never be half of the woman I am. She has no morals, no self respect and deserves nothing but my pity. I don't even hate her. It's not worth it. Hate will get me nowhere.

But it was hard to sit and listen to it all! I walked away slowly and then once I was away was physically sick for hours. But I'm still glad I know.

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