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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would you do? He's married.

176 replies

window · 06/05/2007 12:02

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
edam · 06/05/2007 14:05

bluebubbles, think it's clear you are in favour of affairs, which suggests your own marriage is unconventional, at least.

bluebubbles · 06/05/2007 14:08

im not in favour of affairs at all, but i think you lot spend to much time on here doing your sisters stick together act, life is not as simple as that. affairs do happen, one day it could even hppen to me but if it did i think i would be looking at what went wrong between m and my husbnd before jumping on he other woman, refered to you lot as the "evil woman"

littlelapin · 06/05/2007 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spook · 06/05/2007 14:12

It just gets better and better.
Do you not think that women whose husbands have affairs do not go over and over in their heads for hour after agonising hour about why it happened and what went wrong??
And thank God I did have "sisters sticking together" because I might not be here now to tell the tale and warn Window about the consequences of her actions.

bluebubbles · 06/05/2007 14:15

But if your husband were to have an affair, and you discovered that other women had encouraged his mistress to "go for it, it's not your problem", I am sure you would not feel particularly predisposed toward them!

err of course not!!! but that would be because my personnal feelings were involved, nevr a good time to pass judgement on people

littlelapin · 06/05/2007 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluebubbles · 06/05/2007 14:21

i cant be expected to worry about someone elses feelings when i know nothing about them, everyone on here is "oohh poor wife, bad husband, bad other woman" none of us know the details here, this guy could be telling the truth he may have been living in hell with this woman but is anyone going to feel sorry for him NO because he is a man and all the woman on here who have been fucked about by there husbands are going to judge him right away.

MellowMa · 06/05/2007 14:23

Message withdrawn

fuzzywuzzy · 06/05/2007 14:24

if he's living in hell, why's he still with her, why does he not get a divorce and start afresh...I mean an affair would only be fun whilst he's having it off, at the end of the day he'd have to return to 'hell'....going by your theory here of course bb

Bamzooki · 06/05/2007 14:25

bluebubbles - you are right - life is not simple - which is why you simply cannot deduct that this man has a bad marriage just because he would embark on an affair. You may be right, but none of here can know for sure because like I said the only ones who know are him and his wife. Which is also why if they do have problems, he needs to address that with his wife, rather than someone else.
All we can be sure of right now is that window and this man have choices in the matter, and the wife very probably doesn't.
It isn't about 'sisters' sticking together - it about actively choosing to create a situation that could have a devastating affect on other people's lives (do they have children?). Or choosing not to.
Yes maybe my experiences affect my views on the subject, - life is like that, but I wasn't the one making judgements, you were.

Window - you seem to be drawing your own conclusions. I hope things work out for you.

spook · 06/05/2007 14:25

God bluebubbles. I am very glad I'm not married to you.
You're a charmer.
Pat yourself on the back for your great marraige.
Maybe you could give us all a few tips?

littlelapin · 06/05/2007 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluebubbles · 06/05/2007 14:26

have you not read any ote threads on here, woman moan on all th time about how shit they have it where there husbands why dont you ask them that useless question, im sure it will sort out all there problems.

bluebubbles · 06/05/2007 14:27

spook possibly i could, its not me was has been fucked around on is it.

MellowMa · 06/05/2007 14:28

Message withdrawn

Bamzooki · 06/05/2007 14:29

priceless

words fail me

motherinferior · 06/05/2007 14:30

I've been the other woman - and yes, I had a pretty crap opinion of myself and what I deserved and no, I shouldn't have done it. It's not fun. I am very glad I finally came to my senses and decided I was entitled to a man who wanted me, not a pawn in his own relationship.

munz · 06/05/2007 14:32

hey i've not been fucked about by my DH but I do have basic principals and they are if you know a man's married he's out of bounds automatically, don't mater a jot if there's troubles he's a no go area simple as.

I wonder if you're the one who's done the cheating b4 and are justifying the actions by saying well it wasn't happy etc. which to my mind is NO justification for either party having an affiar.

littlelapin · 06/05/2007 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MellowMa · 06/05/2007 14:34

Message withdrawn

littlemissbossy · 06/05/2007 14:35

I heard a trip trap at about 12.05 today - 3 mins into this thread
PLEASE everyone don't get dragged into a thread that's been deliberated started to just wind people up

MaureenMLove · 06/05/2007 14:38

window I haven't read all the posts here and there seems to be a bit of a barney going on anyway, but I have expirience of this. I was single, a long time ago and a married man showed A LOT of interest in me and I too was flattered. I could very easily have slipped into a relationship with him, but my heart knew that it was not right for me, him and of course his wife. Its true to say that you don't know how bad his marriage is, but the fact remains that he is married and its wrong. I sometimes see this man around still and he did eventually leave his wife, but has subsquently gone on to leave three more woman and has told me he just can't stick to a relationship. I would think that even if he did leave, you would be constantly wondering where he was. Afterall, any lie that he has told his wife to be with you, you may hear from him with you. If he says he's working late, would you believe him? Its not worth it, however much you think it is now. Don't do it. Tell him you're very flattered, but it stops now. Good luck

MrsCarrot · 06/05/2007 14:38

Trip trap? Oh, hadn't thought of that. Well, I got married last week (carrotcake usual name) and I'm stll thinking of sanctity of marriage with a happy rosy glow tra la.

Medea · 06/05/2007 14:41

Like bluebubbles, I'm not in agreement with the people who would implicate you in the "destruction" of this marriage, even before any such destruction has occurred.

If this is the sort of person who'd seek out a relationship (or even just sex) outside of marriage, then he'd do it if not with you, then with someone else. It would be his transgression. People who say otherwise are perpetuating a double standard.

What you're consideringa posssible affairis threatening even as an idea to any woman with a partner or a husband. So people here are going to react emotionally, particularly those who worry deep down that their husbands might be the type to have affairs; or those whose marriages were destroyed by an affair. I can understand this.

When affairs are found out, everyone suffers. But (probably) the man suffers least. The wife hates you but not him; and meanwhile he's one who's had a bit of fun on the side. I'm happy, for you, that you've told him you won't consider anything til he's moved out. That's a sensible move from the standpoint of self-protection; but is also shows consideration for his wife.

motherinferior · 06/05/2007 14:43

I agree with Medea that it's his transgression.

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