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Original poster

Sexual first date now, loss of interest :(

126 replies

1stdatejiggyness · 06/03/2018 21:36

I had an amazing first date with a guy I met on OLD at the weekend. we'd been messaging and speaking almost daily for a week before.
We had so much in common culturally, academically and we really hit it off.
He paid for a lovely expensive meal and I did offer. He didn't want the night to end so took me to a bar till the early hours.

He was very flirty and touchy-feely all night. So, one thing lead to another and things happened in his car. ..we didn't go all the way.

Since that night, he doesn't call and hardly messages. I guess he got what he wanted but I'm shocked! I guess he thought I must not be worth calling again after that.... even though he initiated everything. I didn't throw myself at him.

I'll be honest, I have a high sex drive so when I meet a guy and there's sexual chemistry, I just can't wait but when they don't call again, it pisses me off.... I'm sure many will think "what do you expect"?

Sorry, dunno if I'm asking opinions or just venting but I dunno what to do now. I can't deal with one message a day from someone I really liked. So now what?

OP posts:
ThatchersCold · 06/03/2018 21:41

Time to cut your losses. If he was keen he would show it, men aren’t backwards in coming forward, when they want to be. He managed to message you lots before the weekend so it’s not like he can’t, he just doesn’t want to. Sorry, I know it’s hurtful.

Anonagain2017 · 06/03/2018 21:43

Sorry you've been left frustrated by this first date. Unfortunately, the one thing you have to realise about many people who use OLD, is that they are very fickle. Its highly likely he is messaging multiple women, and hedging his bets. Its not say he doesn't like you, or didn't have a good night, but many men just continue 'swiping' to see what else is out there.
If he likes you, he will chase you. Chalk it down to experience and, in future, don't take anyone on OLD seriously until they prove otherwise.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 06/03/2018 21:44

In my experience if a guy really likes you and you have sex on the first date, he’ll still really like you.

If he’s not that keen he may still have sex with you but just not bother seeing you again.

So I don’t think sleeping someone changes what that outcome would have been. If they like you they like you, if they are not fussed they are not fussed.

So basically if you wouldn’t be fussed either should you never hear from them again after you e slept with them and feel that’s a risk you don’t mind taking , crack on. If you will be hurt or disappointed, wait until you know them better.

QueenOfTheAndals · 06/03/2018 21:44

Tbh OP at least you've not wasted more than a night on him. I know a lot of people will say you should wait because a man will then respect you more etc etc, but I've always thought that a man who judges women on how soon they sleep with them isn't a man worth respecting!

RefuseTheLies · 06/03/2018 21:45

If he judges you by how quickly or not you engage in sexual activity, then you’ve had a lucky escape.

eggncress · 06/03/2018 21:47

It’s only tue, maybe a bit early yet. Maybe he’s busy with work etc.
Not been on any dates for years so not sure if this is the case but maybe just wait a bit. If you don’t hear just try to accept you had a good time on the night, put it down to experience and move on.
You didn’t do anything wrong, it just wasn’t meant to be. Some people might only be interested in a one night stand but it’s unlikely they’ll tell you this in advance.

PhelanThePain · 06/03/2018 21:51

Ah well. Was the sex any good? Can you at least chalk it up as a decent bit of fun?

Original poster
1stdatejiggyness · 06/03/2018 21:55

He was so "small" (sorry, tmi) that I was even debating whether I could work with that long term. I'm surprised men that aren't blessed in that area are seeking ONS!
Still annoying to match so well and he's still on the hunt.

OP posts:
Minus2 · 06/03/2018 21:56

If this happens a lot and you don’t like it, I think you need to decide what are you going to do next time you go on a first date with someone. If you want to play it the same way that’s up to you but what’s the point if you keep getting rejected and let down?

PhelanThePain · 06/03/2018 21:57

I'm surprised men that aren't blessed in that area are seeking ONS!

Confused eh? Why wouldn’t they?

sirlee66 · 06/03/2018 22:05

It's not you, OP! You did nothing wrong. It sounds like a lucky escape and as a previous poster said, at least it was only the 1 night.

At least you got a free dinner... so every cloud!

Good luck for your next date with someone who has a larger youknowwhat

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown · 06/03/2018 22:11

Could he have sensed you weren't overly satisfied with his man hood and is feeling embarrassed?

Orlandointhewilderness · 06/03/2018 22:11

I'm surprised men that aren't blessed in that area are seeking ONS!

Why on earth wouldn't they!?! a man is more than just a penis and a guy with a smaller one can still be incredible in bed.

To be honest, he obviously was after that and nothing more. If a man really likes you then having sex on the first date is no big deal at all. I wouldn't judge anyone for it and luckily my BF didn't!

aftertheevent · 06/03/2018 22:17

I would say he's def embarrassed by his size! Pathetic. Nothing to do with you OP.
If you already had your doubts think yourself lucky.

AnyFucker · 06/03/2018 22:20

Six of one, half a dozen of the other I'd say

Bluntness100 · 06/03/2018 22:24

Gosh you can't really think if a guys got a small dick he should be grateful for any women who will go with him?

And I doubt he's embarrassed about it, he's clearly intent in showing it to as many women as he can.

Anyway, he could be busy, he could be playing the field, he could be not interested.

I wonder if it's not the sexual actitivity, but if you came on too strong, appeared to want more fast, which has scared him off.

coffeeX10 · 06/03/2018 22:28

So if you believe a man shouldn’t be seeking ONS because he’s got a small penis and therefore should be embarrassed - does that mean a woman should be the same if she had small breasts Hmm?! Imagine if a man came on here and said he was surprised a woman who wasn’t blessed in the breast department would be seeking ONS there’d be uproar!!!!!

Anyway, maybe he will get in touch, it’s only Tuesday. If he doesn’t it could have been anything that happened during the evening that he only remembered the next day.

Ickyockycocky · 06/03/2018 22:31

You need to calm down OP.

Original poster
1stdatejiggyness · 06/03/2018 22:31

Well it's nice to know there's nothing wrong with having it on the first date... It's hard to believe there's men that wouldn't judge but I guess I've gotta be patient and wait for the right guy.

OP posts:
RaspberryCheese · 06/03/2018 22:33

"he got what he wanted.."..but didnt you also get what you wanted or were you coerced?

As i guy i would never seek to touch a woman intimately on a first second or even third date. I must be terribly old fashioned..

SassyPasty · 06/03/2018 22:38

He was so "small" (sorry, tmi) that I was even debating whether I could work with that long term. I'm surprised men that aren't blessed in that area are seeking ONS!

Maybe he doesn't think he could 'work long term' with your genitals Smile

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 06/03/2018 22:44

Yes sleep with every man you arrange a date with and then come back here to ask why , grand advice ...🙈

Truth here , but sleeping with someone /getting busy with someone so early sends out the wrong message . It's sending these two messages pretty distinctly :

  1. That your accessible ( he will be making his first impressions of you that night and alls he knows is that both of you don't know each other well and yet your allowing things to progress into intimate levels, )

  2. Your irresponsible ( stds can be spread even with a condom, the condom could split leaving you with unplanned pregnancy, this guy could be a murderer, and your putting yourself at risk ) .

In summary , who wants someone that anyone can get and is sexually irresponsible?

Probs get flamed by all the feminist but I actually don't give a shiny s*it

Sorry op I know it may seem harsh but I really advise you to get to know a person more before doing anything sexual with them . You can character assess them better , plus you protect your own feelings a lot more by doing this . Xx

SamanthaBrique · 06/03/2018 22:48

OP, not all men are like the regressive fuckwits mentioned above...

LondonCrone · 06/03/2018 23:01

Hate to burst the previous poster’s bubble, but I slept with my husband on the first date, and within nine months we were living together. Married five years now. So how fast you have sex has nothing to do with it, and a massive 🙄🙄🙄 to anyone who thinks otherwise (plus 🌷 and 🍷 because they clearly sleep with twats).

Having slept with someone with a micropenis though: I had the same doubts you did, and then when he didn’t call me felt it was because I wasn’t good enough. Turns out he tried it on with all my friends, as if to prove to me - and himself - that he was desireable despite his penis size. Maybe your guy is just deeply scarred by insecurity; maybe he’s just not that interested. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out his psyche. You had doubts, so he wasn’t the one. Move in guilt free, I say. X

LondonCrone · 06/03/2018 23:01

That should say move on! Deffo don’t move in, haha!

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