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Original poster

Sexual first date now, loss of interest :(

126 replies

1stdatejiggyness · 06/03/2018 21:36

I had an amazing first date with a guy I met on OLD at the weekend. we'd been messaging and speaking almost daily for a week before.
We had so much in common culturally, academically and we really hit it off.
He paid for a lovely expensive meal and I did offer. He didn't want the night to end so took me to a bar till the early hours.

He was very flirty and touchy-feely all night. So, one thing lead to another and things happened in his car. ..we didn't go all the way.

Since that night, he doesn't call and hardly messages. I guess he got what he wanted but I'm shocked! I guess he thought I must not be worth calling again after that.... even though he initiated everything. I didn't throw myself at him.

I'll be honest, I have a high sex drive so when I meet a guy and there's sexual chemistry, I just can't wait but when they don't call again, it pisses me off.... I'm sure many will think "what do you expect"?

Sorry, dunno if I'm asking opinions or just venting but I dunno what to do now. I can't deal with one message a day from someone I really liked. So now what?

OP posts:
RavenLG · 07/03/2018 09:27

It's hard to believe there's men that wouldn't judge
But look at you and others judging him on the size of his penis?

Maybe he wasn't 'small' maybe you just have a bucket?

ShatnersWig · 07/03/2018 09:28

Molly Maybe faugheen was boasting that her bloke is hung like a horse unlike the guy the OP was complaining about?

ThisLittleKitty · 07/03/2018 09:29

I don't think he is embarrassed. If he was he wouldn't be showing it to people on the first date. Anyway I agree that sleeping with someone on the first date sends out the wrong message. I'm not surprised he's lost interest.

Irishtwinmumma · 07/03/2018 09:35

It’s not to judge you OP but if you’re looking for something serious don’t get sexual on a first date. Keep them guessing and try be patient... this way you won’t be disappointed they’ve lost interest so fast.

faugheen · 07/03/2018 09:37

Girls/Guys, I'm just named after my favourite race horse, if you're bored YouTube me Grin

Just for the record I'm a stallion not a mare!

🐎

AllEndsWell · 07/03/2018 09:39

Faugheen is the name a racehorse, for those asking!

I also slept with my husband on the first date - we are still together over a decade later.

OP, he's either embarrassed/didn't really like you that much anyway or he's a player. Whatever the reason, if his small willy was a deal breaker for you then does it really matter?

MistressDeeCee · 07/03/2018 09:41

Nothing wrong with sleeping with a man on 1st date

Plenty wrong with ignoring fact that a good number of men will try it on and take what's on offer too, then walk away as easy isn't a challenge/they don't want a woman that let's a man into her knickers so quickly. Thats how real life is - most people look at it how they wish or think it should be and ignore reality in favour of this.

In a perfect world sexism, double standards, users etc wouldn't exist. But they do - & that's what you have to deal with.

Put it down to experience OP. It's one of those things, beyond sex you both wanted something different. Cut your losses don't hang around waiting on a message. Move on.

Men are all different some will cut and run some won't. It's a shame they don't come with a sign on their forehead! Sex on 1st date re OLD is risky tho as they're in the chocolate box trying to pick all the sweets. Have you seen the OLD thread? So many men running off after sex, ghosting, lying etc. Multi-date is the way forward I guess - don't get hung up on the one man you met on OLD just because he's nice or witty or you have chemistry. That's all very well but you don't know him and he doesn't know you. Keep that in mind and keep your options open just as they do, until commitment to exclusiveness is on the table.

user1474652148 · 07/03/2018 09:48

Many men hold the view that if you get too involved on the first date, then you are probably like that every man you meet. Therefore not considering you as a long term partner. Most men want to settle down with a woman who has respect for herself and cares enough about her body not to be used by every man that comes along.

We all look for self worth and a sense of responsibility when looking for future long term partners otherwise you are just a fun distracting. Rein in your sex drive and focus on getting to know your dates first, friends and then something more intimate. Standards and an idea of what is important to you, and not just fumbling in the back of the car

SparklyMagpie · 07/03/2018 09:49

@ShatnersWig

I think the lovely poster is a pony no more

user1474652148 · 07/03/2018 09:49

Distraction

user1474652148 · 07/03/2018 09:55

Of course women can have se mx when they like but if you a relationship is what you are looking for taking your time to get to know someone, enjoying their company and actually getting to know someone properly is probably the way forward.
After all if he is looking for something special, you need to be special, and not just easy lay

recall · 07/03/2018 09:56

What is OLD ?

recall · 07/03/2018 09:57

Sorry ...just realised ...on line dating Hmm

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown · 07/03/2018 12:32

Raven If I was drinking tea I would have spat it out at your commentShockGrin

WhiteCaribou · 07/03/2018 14:05

A lot of people seem to still be peddling the old double standard here. A man will judge a woman who is "easy", he wants a challenge, wants a woman who respects herself etc. What about the man? Why shouldn't we equally judge a man who puts out on the first date? Perhaps women want a challenge? Perhaps we want a man who respects himself enough to wait? Or is it just a load of mysogynistic bullshit and actually people should do what suits them (as long as they are being careful obviously) and if their potential partner doesn't like it then they are not suited and should move on.

Adora10 · 07/03/2018 14:18

1st date, sexual activity in his car, nah sorry OP, doesn't sound very classy or romantic to me for seeking out an LTR, if that's what you are looking for, I assume so and that's why you feel deflated every time you don't hear from a guy after having sex with him.

All very well having a high sex drive but how can a stranger you have only just met that night be so irresistible that you have to jump him immediately; if you are going to have sex on a first meeting then fine, take precautions but really, don't be surprised if you don't hear again, he clearly was only looking for sex, guess you have to decide what's more important to you, building on a relationship up to having sex or accepting that ONS are indeed just that.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 07/03/2018 14:24

@recall, On Line Dating.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 07/03/2018 14:26

OP, maybe the alcohol gave him a false sense of confidence, and in the cold light of day, he remembered his 'tiny todger' !
You may hear from him yet.

Djnoun · 07/03/2018 14:37

There's merit in both arguments, for and against sex on the first date. Ultimately, you're just guessing though. The right guy won't mind and the wrong guy will peg it. Either way, you've got your answer.

Strugglingtodomybest · 07/03/2018 14:40

Some of the attitudes on here Shock
And some people don't believe that women internalise misogyny Grin

OP, it sounds like you've had a lucky escape, and I don't mean his penis. I don't blame you for being disappointed, but the right guy is out there somewhere, it's just a numbers game.

ThisLittleKitty · 07/03/2018 15:20

Men and women will always be different in these situations. This is one of many threads I've read on here where a woman has slept with a man very quickly then been upset when she hasn't heard from him again. I don't know any man who would be upset by this IRL nor are there countless threads of men upset it's happened to them or any other sites.

merville · 07/03/2018 16:38

Having slept with someone with a micropenis though: I had the same doubts you did, and then when he didn’t call me felt it was because I wasn’t good enough. Turns out he tried it on with all my friends, as if to prove to me - and himself - that he was desireable despite his penis size. Maybe your guy is just deeply scarred by insecurity; maybe he’s just not that interested. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out his psyche.

Yeah the experiences I've had with smaller/lesser endowed blokes have been of intense insecurity - which in a couple of cases seemed to manifest itself in extreme commitment phobia & flightiness. I wondered if they felt, even though this women was interested now, that she might leave/cheat in the longer term due to what he saw as his inadequacy .. and therefore always did the leaving & cheating first.

AlonsosLeftPinky · 07/03/2018 19:37

Maybe he just didn't like you. Maybe someone who will happily have sex in a car on a first date isn't a keeper in his eyes. Maybe you gave off vibes of being the sort of person who's shit enough to mock someone for their dick size and insinuate he should be right in for a relationship because of it.

It's a real puzzler.

demirose87 · 07/03/2018 19:45

Maybe he didn't see her as a keeper but he was happy to participate so that makes him just as bad.
OP, put it down to experience and move on. Maybe wait a bit longer next time and make them a bit more deserving of your body.

Original poster
1stdatejiggyness · 07/03/2018 21:35

Thanks everyone. I met him from Tinder so I had a feeling it might end this way. Despite some negative comments, I can't say I regret it because I had a great night. As someone said, he may have insecurities.... just a few things he said and wrote about himself and I had to reassure him that I wasn't going anywhere. I guess that's why I'm more shocked.

I definitely think some men are sleeping with women on the first date to fulfill or prove something to themselves. Like the woman is a trophy.

OP posts: