NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

Same here belonger but I really miss having someone for the good time bits. The highs were great and for a long time they compensated for the lows. For me it was when that tipped that I couldn't do it anymore.

I caved on Friday night, then he messaged me yesterday. But in a way it's helping because he's definitely off his pedestal now and I'm starting to realise I'd built him up so much in my head and actually he's not that great. It'll take time but I'll get over him. There's still a tiny spark of hope but it's definitely dimming.

Have messaged... Quite light hearted... So this is the deal breaker

Good luck seshi

Good luck Seshi and well done for taking the light hearted approach. Keep us updated

Good lucky seshi hope he answers.

belonger and itsa the emotional roll coaster is ridiculous isn't it. I can remember going from not being able to physically swallow, to actually dancing around my kitchen. I need to not let anyone have that power over me again, even though he didn't abuse it and wasn't aware of my own craziness.

Nothing 🙁

Bless you Seshi. Has he read it? Would he normally reply quickly?

He has that setting on what's app which means that you can't see if he has read the message. On Friday night he came straight back... In the past it has taken him a while... But I normally get something within an hour x

Hmm. quick post as in middle of dinner/h/w/stuff...

MF sends email: 'not sure i am allowed to say this as i was the cause of our recent cooling but i have missed you'.

I've missed his msgs too but it would be a BAD idea to say, wouldnt it?

seshi fingers crossed you get a helpful msg back.x

Belonger yes the 'headspace/energy'. My good friend who was horrified re DOM said: 'its not just that he is poison, it is that this will take so much of your time and energy. And it has - for 18m!!!

V bad idea basseting. Totally understand that you've missed his messages, it's really hard when it goes from daily chat to nothing, I really missed my NCs messages too. But remember Boundaries!! Don't give him mixed messages, unless you want to lead him on.

Good luck seshi, every one of us has been there, waiting for a message and trying to work out what it means. Thinking of you

Early days seshi It's done and all you can do is wait . How you feeling now health wise ?

will try to go back over posts tomorrow.
Dd is having her 2nd major meltdownof the day and H keeps asking me 'what should i do?' FFS!

Hi everyone - can I join please? Feel really down today. Sent a message to someone this morning that I shouldn't have - don't know why I do it to myself all the time - I just feel so sad and alone.

Ahh pw sorry to hear your sadness. Welcome. We all understand how you feel on here.

Of course you can pw2212 - plenty of people in here so you won't be alone Bit quiet currently - it will all pep up a bit in the evening ! We've all done that before . Don't worry .

bassetingagree withbelonger's as always sensible advice. It is ok to have missed his messages, and to send a nice one back but don't say you have missed him too.
Aww seshi
Welcome pw did you hear back from the message?

Thank you everyone x

@Amxious@ no reply yet. I can really relate to so many posts on here - I just don't know how to stop other people's actions having such an impact on my life.

pw unfortunately I think you are what you are! I am the Same, I think we all are on here. I have read a lot on attachment styles and it makes a lot of sense. However, I also think that the right person and the right relationship will not cause anxiety. I have learnt a lot from this thread and know I need to be less needy in a new relationship but also that I am only needy if my needs are not being met. I think the trick for me will be to walk away sooner if it's not working rather than hanging on for dear life. None of this might be relevant to you but it has helped me to articulate it!

I've also realised that my NC doesn't want me back either, he should have jumped at the chance when I messaged him but he didn't which tells me all I need to know doesn't it?

Hi all, been reading and trying to keep up with everyone!

Codependency For Dummies is good so far, read most of it in tears, it’s ringing a lot of bells.

Also started watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on Netflix - bloody brilliant! (Reminds me of a less annoying Lena Dunham in Girls!). Can’t remember if it was recommended on here or elsewhere but one for us all to watch I think

Hope you’re all bearing up over the weekend and those waiting for replies get what they want/need to move on.

I have a small dilemma - I bought XDP tickets to a comedy show for Xmas. I still have the tickets here and returned a couple of expensive gifts he’d given me when I sent his stuff home. Should I give him the tickets (comedian is a bit feminist and prob not someone he would choose on his own) or go myself and take a friend?

gast don't dwell on it - really ! The mind can construct a million explanations and more - he can't look at his phone right now as he is on Family Time , he wants to message me but he knows he is being unfair to me as he can't offer what I want , he loves me but just can't leave his current life , he is thinking about what he is going to say , he is waiting for when he has more time so that he can send a really thoughtful message as opposed to a rushed "Cn't talk. spk 2moro", he is playing me by making me wait , he is in a bad mood probably , he's with his wife/GF?family etc , he's at the footy , he's at work - any of this sounding familiar ??? He may not even have seen your message - they are in their other real life . They have their phones on silent for your messages . I know all of this sounds harsh but as I keep on saying - ACTIONS not words . If there is anyone that knows that it is me with a shockingly high ridiculous amount of messages between me and my NC .

myrelationship keep the tix and use them ! Sod him