NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

my no question, use the tickets yourself! Take someone who will really enjoy it

Something for us all to keep trying

Definitely use the tickets

Yessss Belanger - it’s good to have support here but in the end we all have to be our own best friend

Belonger even!

right. i've sent it.
he talked about brexit (saying one thing and wanting another) re reducing msgs to me. have replied: 'cant have your cake and eat it. i was respecting boundaries (mine and yours). happy to keep in touch'

about all i can manage:
have had the divorce convo again with exH tonight.
I burned my hand when getting a roasting tray out of the oven. he ignored my standing with hand under tap trying not to cry (it was nippy) and I asked him to dish up so I could go sit down he said to kids: 'oh, mum's in a hissy fit' - something hugely unpleasant happens when he percieves me to be vulnerable.

Yet, still, after i posted that stuff about him y'day, I am unsure if it is 'my fault'. I just dont know what is normal I guess? I suppose in a way it doesnt matter with him it is too far gone but i'd like to have my head on straighter if i ever attempt a relationship with anyone else (feels like flying to Mars atm)

whacked. hope to feel better after a good nights sleep.

Belonger I LOVE your 'I am my own best friend' post!!!!

He sounds horrible basseting. I'm sorry you doubt yourself, would it help to apply the best friend thing? So, if your best friend told you her husband had behaved that way, would you think it was her fault or that she was being unreasonable? It might help a bit to think of it that way.

Or it might also just be a matter of time, unlearning all the crap you've been told about you being unreasonable.

(if someone said that about me when I was in that situation I would put them out of my house, fwiw)

Hi just checking in... Been out for tea with Ds and some friends. Have had no response... I am gutted... I really need to get him out of my head x

Sorry about the lack of response seshi. You can get through this, truly you can. Bloody heart breaking though, I know. How can we help?

Welcome pw

My defo keep the tickets and use them

Basseting your husband sounds like he needs a good shake

So sorry to hear this Seshi. Huge handhold from me. He is an ass and a weak person. Look at Oldbrook and how far she has come. She is inspirational

@belonger this thread always helps... I am upset but I will dust myself down and keep posting on here and listening to you guys... X I knew deep down he would let me down. I have to realise that I need better and that actually he is a selfish and sorry individual. I think what hurts is that I know he will be having the time of his life somewhere with no regard to the mess he left behind... I know carving myself a good life is the best revenge... It's just finding it isn't it?

Feel a bit weaker tonight and don't know why . I've just been cleaning - maybe my mind was wandering . I also had a small glass of wine - could be the cause too. Bugger ! I feel as if my body is betraying me tonight if you get my drift . Think I got a whiff of the body cream he used to love on me. FFS .

seshi that is the attitude . You know what you are saying is right !

Scent is sooooooo evocative bloody. Sorry it's reminded you of him.

@Bloody you have been doing so well... It's probably the wine... And remember recovery never goes in a straight line...try to remember how far you have come. Its normal to be sad but you are definitely on the road to happiness again even though it doesn't feel like it now... We all are... We just still have a bit further to walk...

Scent definitely is evocative. I couldn't believe myself and NC were both wearing the aftershave/perfume that we wore when we were going out when we bumped into each other 6 months ago. And when he noticed as well, what a shock 17yrs later.

Bloody sorry you're feeling down tonight

Ups and downs are all part of it, totally understandable that sometimes things will take you back and remind you of the good times, especially smell. It's ok to feel the feelings and let them wash over you. Don't fight it. I feel like accepting the sad feelings will help to process them, whereas denying them will just stuff them down and they'll come to the surface another day.

I will try the 'best friend' test yes - thanks.
I just dont trust myself in a relationship any more i think?

NK what a shock re the scent. it is THE most evocative of the senses.

Seshi yes he IS weak and selfish for sure. Sorry you thought he could be otherwise. I sometimes wonder if we are just a bit too 'nice' in that we hope for the sort of decent behaviour from others that would come naturally to us???

Yes a real shock Basseting and even more of a shock that he said it to me. It brought me right back 17yrs

You most certainly did not lose your power Oldbrook. He sent you a work email and you had to respond

Hello everyone. Hope you hear something seshi
I’ve been busy today and saw friends who I told I’d been dumped. They said what NC said, he’s probably struggling with fitting a relationship in. In a way it didn’t help, I want to hate him but they were being fair. I am doing NC 50:50 to get over him/get him back so still have hope. But they don’t reckon he’ll come back now as the reasons he was struggling are still there. They are surmountable, I think, if we were to talk.

You are so right about grieving it but with hope, then the hope goes and you have to start grieving all over again.

I need some advice. I have one regret. My NC’s kid was particularly talented at something and NC used to go on about it a lot. I never came across as v enthusiastic and I’m sure he picked up on that. But we never spoke about it (never seemed the right time). This to him might (quite rightly) count against me. But the real reason was it made me feel inadequate because my kids are not talented at all in that area but I wished they were. So it made me feel bad, nothing to do with him or his kids. I wish I’d explained that.
I’ve been wondering about emailing him that explanation - not for a response but just to set the record straight. In fact I’d ask him not to reply. Other than this I am not waivering on NC. It’s a bad idea isn’t it.

Ravens it's a very bad idea. You don't owe him any explanation