NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

Hello all.
Sorry to hear about your son's injury teens. I hope it is not painful today.
seshi I hope you get over your cold, I've had one too. Good idea to not contact if you're not feeling great, makes the emotions stronger.
nk sorry to hear about the limbo land. It is not a content place to be, but it will pass.
I am feeling ok.23 days since I sent the last message. Didn't hear back and pretty sure he's all loved up with new gf. I am ok about it now but lonely for company. I joined old but not really happening, met one guy but he wasn't for me and just made me miss my nc!

oldbrook I would change the last sentence - it is giving him too much power . It leaves the door open . It needs to be something like " I don't think that we should be in contact anymore . Please respect my wishes on this"

itsalottery you and me on the same time frame so pats on the back here and yes that can happen with OLD . It's a double edged sword. Treat any date as just time that you are spending NOT thinking about your NC !

Oldbrook I think that message is attaching too much inportance to him..

I think I'd say something like: Please respect my wishes. I made my position clear when we last talked and unless something has changed for you don't contact me again.

Blunt and business like and detached

Hello Itsa. 23 days is great. I understand about loneliness. I feel so very lonely as well. Maybe persevere with old. It might surprise you.

@Bloody maybe you are right... I just feel too ill to run today and even more weepy so I am wondering if I am equipped to deal with any disappointment today... I will think about it x

Snap NK . This is the strength of here . We tend to pussyfoot around our own issues whereas others can take a more neutral or even determined approach .

I have a coffee date this week - don't know if I can be arsed TBH . Tell me to go

Bloody definitely go!!! I need to be kept buoyed by you all getting out there. Because I am in crazy limbo it's not an option to me even though I checked out of my marriage so long ago but as H is living with me it's not appropriate. I don't think I'm ready yet either.

Seshi do what's right for you

@Bloody go!!! You may even surprise yourself and enjoy it!

ITSA
Thank DS is asleep still , I'm trying to be quiet in the house not to wake him up.
Seshi I somehow missed the point your NC isn't available either.

I'm 2 mixed feelings about it: a bit of envy he's actually considering to see you and misses you but at same time what will date achieve? You will be back here feeling shit and longing for him and he will be back living his official life..

For my own situation I know my NC is right to stop contacting me because he can't and he won't offer me what I deserve so he's not messing me about..anymore.

His way is questionable and painful to me but me and him can't be friends, I'm sure he feels that more than I do . So there's no point staying in touch, however long the process is for me to move on I must do that.

To him I also probably come across confusing and sending mixed messages : I'm the one distanced myself, disappeared for a month then was back demanding attention..I clearly said to him im dating again so he knows there's a possibility of me shagging someone else any given moment of time and I'm sure he doesn't like it but he can't offer me a relationship so it's best to let me go and not think of me at all.

I can just imagine his jelaousy boiling underneath..once when we were on hols in a bar late at night and he went to get drinks, random guy was eyeing me up , winking and smiling and I mentioned it to him when he was back ..the jelaousy and how dare f**g random was written all over his face...

Also knowing my NCs family situation it would be difficult for him to carry on with me even if he really wanted to.

His wife is working part time from home, since the child was born I think, so her whole focus must be a family. I'm sure she's a nice person and he made a commitment to her year's ago so if his feelings changed it must be irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

Basically he's not happy with her but she's not doing enough for situation to be unbearable and he feels guilty for breaking marriage vows, his own words..

I have no place in his life and no matter how much he'd love to be next to me he can't offer me anything, his own words again..

It's so crystal clear in my head right now but then who knows maybe tomorrow I will be messaging again hoping something changed in his intention or circumstances, really sad and silly of me 😢

bloody you must go for the coffee, what have you got to lose and you never know it might be fun and like you say at least a distraction.

teens have you been doing anymore old? Perhaps you too need the distraction from your nc. It is so hard to move on as we all know but I guess he is not available to you at the moment.

oldbrook you are so Right, there's the initial grieving but hope remains. But then the second grieving when the hope goes. I hope you will be able to heal and the new job will give you a new focus.

Hi itsa well done on day 23. I feel the loneliness too. I think it is linked to the accepting that it is over with NC.

bloody yes please go on the date and tell us all the details

oldbrook glad you have a plan if he does make contact. The new job will hopefully help so much and stop issues like his recent email. Sun sounds lovely.

NK I understand the limbo. You will get there and at least you know you are taking positive steps to move forward.

teens hope your DS wakes up feeling good and pain free. If your clarity does waver tomorrow you can read that post. It really does make sense. I still think he could have replied to the birthday message though.

seshi whenever you decide to contact, I think NK's assuming he is going, as that is what he said, is the way to go. But please be prepared for him to ignore you.

ravens well done on day 10.

To everyone else, have a good day today. I agree with this accepting the situation sadness. It is different and hopefully a major step in the healing process.

Back to day 1 for me

It's not sad and silly Teens. You fell in love with him and love is not an emotion that's easy to switch off.

Never mind mygast day 1 is a good place to start!

Hi anxious sorry to hear you are feeling lonely too. Shame we can't meet for lunch!

Oh no mygast what happened?

Hi everyone, day 13 for me but feels like ages since I was in touch with him, in a good way. Think I'm coming down with something so taking it easy today, and still lots of snow on the ground.

Catching up with you all in between sneezes!

itsa you put this so well: 'there's the initial grieving but hope remains. But then the second grieving when the hope goes'

Yes I also like that summing up belonger and itsa

I realised after my walk today that I miss him in my life but I wouldn't want to go back to that situation now It's easy to forget the tears and the "I can't do this anymore days " and the endless waiting and hoping to see him . Progress, right ?

That sure is progress bloody. I feel like that too, I miss him like crazy but not the rollercoaster ride of inconsistent behaviour. It is not good for anyone.

Oh that emotional rollercoaster, it took up so much if my time and head space! I really don't miss that any more.