NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

oldbrook it makes PERFECT SENSE . This is exactly how I feel . If he were to contact me now I just would not feel the same.

This " Also - I think his time is running out. Does anyone else feel like this? I still feel hurt and I still have feelings but with every day that passes it's as if a little more damage is done so even if I was chased and so on and everything was different, I think my defensive walls will be that much higher and I'd be less accepting of things. I don't know if I'd even believe him, so if anything ever did happen it would start from a more broken place. "

Day 24 is amazing Bloody.

Yes that does make sense Oldbrook. He really has hurt you so much and if he wanted you romantically he would be doing more than sending weak smoke signals. He wants you to bolster his ego while helping him find the woman of his dreams. I don't think he's going to find her anytime soon by the way and chasing all these younger girls will start to make him look tragic.

Seshi how would you feel if he doesn't reply?

Oldbrook good plan about blocking him and moving on. Are you excited about your new job?

seshi if you feel it is something that you want or need to do then do it - maybe that is what it will take for you to accept that this is not going to happen ?

At the moment it seems as if you still have some thought in your mind that he will reciprocate ? He may well of course - it depends on his personality and how much he likes to be in charge or control . e.g. if I were to contact my NC today I know he WOULD get back to me at some point as he in a controlling person and he will be wanting to know what is going on in my life in a perverse way .I know he would meet me as "friends" without a shadow of a doubt but probably for his reasons - keeping an eye on me , keeping me sweet so as not to bust him .

oldbrook again YES to this " I'll be doing it for me, though, not proving a point. I just want to forget. Move on, chalk it up to experience, and forget."

There is something pleasing in knowing that these things are ended by ourselves for ourselves and even though the NC may not have wanted to move on with us in a way we wanted ultimately we HAVE walked away from the crumbs they were willing to offer.

I do want to go with him... I am petrified of asking... I think this is the last opportunity for us. I will feel awful if he doesn't respond... But maybe this is the last band aid I need to rip off

Maybe you need to do it then Seshi. I wouldn't ask him though I'd keep it light and cheery so say something like: it was great chatting the other night. Do you want to meet up for a drink before Kasabian or meet at the gig? Assume he is going, be confident.

seshi it sounds as if this is something you have to do . The waking in the middle of the night - this is stress . I was that person for 7 months - waking because I WAS seeing him, waking because I WAS NOT seeing him , waking because of whatever with him !!! It's a sign that something isn't right so do it and get it over with . Limbo is the worst place to be in !

Ugh I'm definitely in limbo now in so many aspects of my life: marriage, NC, work.

@nk if I am going to do it that's the perfect way!! Thank you... I will message exactly that

@Bloody I really think our NCs and situation is so similar. And even if I do get a knock back I am not in the same place as I was when I first joined this thread... We have all got so much stronger don't you agree? Albeit we are on different levels... Some more forward than others. But I can sense so much more fight in all of us... Its these crowns... They are magnificent!!

@basseting if we lived closer I would come over and look after you myself when you have your op

Keep us updated Seshi. To be honest if he doesn't reply and honour his promise he is a right ass.

oldbrook Yes - know exactly what you mean. As I work on accepting its over, dwell on the negatives and refuse to think about the nice things, it is making a difference - his time is running out. I would love just not to care any more by Day 30. Then if/when I contact him after that, it will be ok whatever happens.
Day 10 NC - double figures!!
This thread moves fast, sorry I not keeping up with the developments for you all.
seshi I would go the the concert with him, see what happens. It could set you back, it could free you - life’s too short to wonder what might have happened if he’d come. I know that’s not exactly encouraging NC but this time, sod it

@ravens thank you and well done on, day 10....entering double figured is a small but significant milestone!

NK this limbo is one of the worst things . I have been in that situation for a couple of years due to ongoing divorce . Your situation is extra complicated as well , poor you .. All we can do is plan the best we can but try not to get frustrated with things that are out of our control . Easy to say, isn't it ?

oldbrook perfectly normal to "to and fro" like this . You mind will be driving your emotions right now - we have thoughts and THEY create the feelings - its not the other way around . The brain is lazy and lies to us. I did a lot of reading on this with my ex husband's depression .

seshi let us know what happens ..

Yes ravens Congrats and you will start to feel smug and not want to slip back and with everyone's support on here then you can do it . When one is weak on here , others are strong and bolster you . We try to repay each other here .

Well I have made a decision... Not going to contact him today. Still feeling crappy from this cold so if I don't hear hear back from him it will make me twice as worse and I won't be able to go for a run which is my way of combating my pain..... So going to wait a couple of days... Until I am feeling physically stronger to deal with any more upset. Think that's a plan...?

My view on that seshi is that you will think about it /review on your run ( I use walking as my therapy ) and you may have a clearer view after your run . I find that that often happens .

seshi Honestly if you are going to send it , I would do so after you come back from your run . If you don't , it is just going to fester in your mind for all these days - days that you could be well on your way to NC ! Sorry that's the opposite of what you are suggesting, I know but oyu are putting off the potential end of this . I understand. Any contact even toxic can be better than none. It hurts.

It is a Sunday so unlikely to get a reply anyway as " home time " I imagine ? They manage these conversations/dual lives well and have trained us to . In a way that is exactly why I would send it today - to show that you are ( somewhat ) in charge ! I know what it is like to have your finger hover over that "Send" button - we all do on here. Be strong and take this by the bollocks.

Oldbrook my honesty is meant with kindness and I know you have been as honest and kind to me. I appreciate that too. Just remember no contact from him is a good thing. It means he is respecting your wishes and you might be able to be friends at some point in the future. Contacting you is ignoring your feelings and just trying to meet his own needs and feed his ego. You or I would never treat someone like that if we knew they had feelings and we couldn't reciprocate.

Nothing happening for me job wise. It's very slow but I have faith that something will turn up. I think if I can sort out the job situation the rest might start to follow. NC is the least of my worries. Happy to keep up sporadic communication with him and if it can stay as upbeat as the last few days that will be lovely.

Ravens well done. I found Day 9/10 the worst and then it got so much easier. There was no way I was going to slip up and contact NC after a certain length of time. I remember when I drunkenly sent the emoji by mistake. I was absolutley raging.

Bloody yes you're right. I hate not knowing what lies ahead. It definitely has to be better than what is happening presently.