NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

teens so glad your DS's op went well and he us thinking if going out. for deleting NC's number. That must have been so hard for you. I cannot believe he didn't reply but agree with NK. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, he just doesn't know what to do but that is not enough for you.

seshi enjoy the date. You must be feeling so confused about NC and his calls/needing help. A cross between hopeful but guarded incase it is the same old shit. Let us know how date goes.

bloody I resonate with so much that you say. Thinking like that makes me cry too. I am a keeper and the thought of never being friends and that was It, a reason, a visitor destined to leave is unbearable.

mrs please never feel you have nothing to add. The very being here helps. Everyone's experiences help make us feel less crazy, that there are do many of us out there struggling. I agree with seshi that it is clear we all have big hearts.

Does anyone just get so bored. I am very busy but still bored. There is no excitement of NC to sneak out to later or no text to lighten my day. I just find it boring. H is asleep on the sofa and I find myself looking at him in disgust. So boring. I have been rushing around all day so want some fun. I had real urges to contact both men today but haven't and won't.

fleece that does sound torturous. I hate anything that makes me doubt if he did like me. I know he did.

oldbrook when i read your posts it is so clear that you have learnt so much. You are so much stronger. Maybe with some more time free if NC you might be able to see H more clearly and whether you really do want to make a go if it.

anxious
Yy re: 'no text to lighten my day'.
I'd give anything for it to be this time last year.

I'd play it differently roo

the 'intermittent reinforcement' article is SO TRUE.

I'd play it different too Basseting. That is sometimes why i want to contact him to say that. I will read article now.

Thanks Oliking there are no firm arrangements to meet but I do feel that we need to talk.

Seshi hope you had a lovely time.

Yes Anxious I also get very bored and would love a bit of excitement!

Hi Basseting

Hope some of you are having an exciting evening.

I am eating fish and chips and watching Paddington with my kids

anxious yes very bored today -so bored I washed the kitchen floor ! FFS

myrelationship that link by Offred - I hear what it is saying about the obsession with the lever even when it is not delivering any food!

It says in many more words what I read in another article about 50 Shades being the best selling books ( Or whatever it was )and the reason for it being so successful is that it is the Heaven and Hell scenario, the Feed and Starve scenario - the starve and the hell is what makes the feed and the heaven all the more special to us yup it all makes sense ...when I was starved by NC of his time or messages it made his time with me and his messages all the more important . Probably if we had been in a normal situation /seeing each other every day I would have got fed up with him as he was a cranky bastard at times as well as very controlling .

seshi how did it go ?

I don't like all this talk of playing it differently !! It suggests WE did something wrong and we didn't ! What would you all say if I were to send a message to NC now on Day 29 saying " I'm sorry I blamed you for leading me on endnote telling me you were married ... I miss you so much . Can we just go back to having sex and I won't put any pressure on you ? "

OMG his Mum (My DD's GM) just got in touch after TWO YEARS!!!!

What the hell do I say?

NOT endnote! "for leading me on and not telling me .."

I love this about trusting our own wings

I like the bit which says:

'the surest way to be sad is to depend on someone else to make you happy'.

when you put it like that.... it aint rocket science!

(but i still wish i'd played it differently as i might have got less hurt)

still, onward and upwards!

(may be back later with meaningful Paddington quotes :)

Belonger that is truly brilliant! So as well as crowns we need to trust our own wings. quickly sketches wings on to crown tat sketch thank you. You always have such great timing with them too. How are you doing?

mother tell her about DS's health concerns. Glad she has made contact. Try to keep ex out of the conversation for now.

bloody I went into cleaning overdrive too but unfortunately couldn't shift the grumpy snoring lump on the sofa however hard i scrubbed. You have made me really think about would I do things differently. I only got needy when he went weird and he wasn't aware of the crazy in my head. You are right. Maybe going back to Belonger's post about our wings.

NK glad you are ok about level of NC contact. The job issue must be draining. I hope something brilliant comes along soon.

basseting you make me smile!

As do all of you lovelies. With all this bordem imagine if we all had a night out.

@Basseting I love that autobiography- I'm almost at 4!

Hi ginger! How are you? Lovely to see you

Hey Ginger!

We'd have a fab night out Anxious

basseting Paddington has always struck me as a very wise bear indeed. I'm sure he and Mrs Bird could sort us all out.

teens so sorry your NC let you down when you really needed support, but we'll done you for saying No More and deleting his number. I love your self respect.

I'm doing OK today thanks anxious, had a bit of tipsy texting with NC last night but fortunately nothi got that left me despairing at myself and I've been fine today. I loved that thing about trusting our own wings, just sounds so beautiful to know that you'll fundamentally be fine if something goes wrong or someone lets you down. A lovely image of soaring

Nk we would!

Ginger!!! How are you?

I don't wish I'd played things differently, I kind of see it all as (warning: cliche ahead) part of my soul's journey. There's clearly been something I needed to learn and the universe will keep presenting me with opptunities to learn it until I get it! And I have learned a lot, I don't regret that even though it has hurt me a lot sometimes. And I wouldn't have met you lovely lot without the roller coaster of NC either!

A prettier version

Hey @anxiousnow feeling sorry for myself! Had slipped back into old habits (unsurprisingly) and he was utterly vile yet again, refusing to see how his behaviour was unacceptable and I just got to thinking - I can only change me. This is never going to any different. So I'm registered with time to talk, have said I need to be properly single (he's said he can't be 'just friends') after which he's backtracked/minimised as usual and I've basically got to stage 3 or 4 of @Basseting's list and realised that I need to work on myself. That this is so fucked up but nothing is ever going to work with him.

He was horrible. Even when I admitted I was possibly being unreasonable (which I was). He was spiteful and mean and I deserve better than that. So I've got to bite the bullet and extract myself. And if that means ploughing personal money into my business to keep it going until I can get business back up to scratch then I think it's a price I have to pay. How are you all? Sorry I bailed for a while x

Ginger so sorry you are feeling so low. Maybe at least now that you have him another chance, that he clearly failed, there can be no more what it's in your head and hopefully the grieving then healing process can begin. Sorry he was so vile. What is time to talk? If you can do the business without him it would be so much healthier for you in the long run.
Don't be sorry for not being here. Sometimes it is too much to post. Very glad you came back though. You sound determined xx

Time To Talk is NHS talking therapy. Won't bore you with details but effectively he told me (when I said I felt uncomfortable voicing my concerns) that is was 'good' that I felt I needed not to talk about how I felt.

I was nasty. But sadly not unusual.

This is after I had said (about a problem, when asked if I felt his stance was unreasonable) that "no, you are not unreasonable, but it doesn't stop me feeling a bit upset"

So I had a moment. I could end up eating into £10k of my very meagre savings but better that than bankruptcy and if it it means I'm free then maybe that's what I need,

I have hit the doldrums in my business as all I want to do is sleep. I just seem to have lost all motivation.

On a positive note I got my uni results back: 2 x distinctions, 2 x merits and 1 x pass. So I'm going something right at least!

It was nasty. Not I was nasty.