NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

That's really tough Oldbrook. But it sounds like your exH would give things another go if you wanted to would he?

Yes my situation is a lot clearer I think. I've been miserable for years and in fact my friend told me I sat at the end of her bed after a night out in 2012 and told her I didn't love my H. Bumping into NC 7 months ago was the catalyst to me taking the final step but he isn't the cause. I am not one bit attracted to my H so the end was inevitable. I'm also not expecting NC to be waiting for me at the end of this. Despite my strong feelings for him I have.a feeling his purpose might be just one of a guide.

I’ve read all the messages this morning and it’s amazing how little snippets from other peoples experiences resonate so much and are giving me clues and strength to help try and understand my own situation better.

I feel bad not being able to offer any of my own pearls of wisdom, it feels a bit selfish just to ‘take’ from a thread like this but wanted you all to know that you’ve really helped me already.

I have a full on day today including lunch with a friend which is a rare treat so am going to try and forget NC at least for a couple of hours. I wish you all strength and happy weekends

Yes I think it's a catalyst for me.
I've noticed before it's a thing: I can be persistent in relationships, try a lot more than required, forgive a lot more than required, make excuses for them but there will be a particular catalyst that will make me switch my feelings off and change my mind completely.

And no matter what other party will do : grovel, make effort or anything else it will be too late for me.

I feel nothing right now, I guess im reaching the point of selflove: if he's not there for me when I need him I just can't have feelings for him any longer.

I have no anger, no hurt, no upset just feel he's an alien to me -ie someone I have no connection with.

Hello all, haven't had chance to read it all, just came on teens to see how the op went. Glad it went well and your son is doing Well, sorry to hear your nc showed no care but well done on having the strength to decide not to put up with that.

Don't get me wrong Oldbrook I wish he could be more than a guide but as he isn't expressing anything more than physical desire for me I may just have to accept that.

I do believe he popped up back into my life for a reason though. And him messaging me on Day 30 and the eve of the supermoon. It's all fate I believe. But at the moment he is assuming the role of the guide and I am more relaxed with this as I know he will keep messaging me at different points so I'm not wound up about will he/won't he or should I not message first etc.

NK
My NC is also an ex from years ago. I too was unsure what was in it for him. I can't really accept it was just about having an affair? Given he had to find me first. What was the point that got him to seek me out after thirty years? None of it makes sense. Guess i will never get an answer on that. I'm glad though it never got physical as i think i'd feel worse about everything that's happened. Hugs hope things improve for you soon.
Teens
i'm glad everything with the Op went well. Wow and good for you deleting Nc's number. Very brave.
Fleece
Yes i have that feeling re about nc getting in contact. The constant checking the phone been there.
Mrs
Yes i too felt i'd like to just be able to do the mundane things with nc. It's crazy stuff really.
Parting
I have waves of sadness as you described. Some days it's quite overwhelming.
Hugs to all you lovely ladies keep on going. Enjoy the rest of the weekend as best we all can. x

Thank you Seshi, Bassetting,NK,Oldbrook, Itsa, Bloody and newbies I can't remember names off my head , basically huge thank you all for your compassion during this difficult week, it made huge difference.
Hope things will be better going forward and I can offer my own support and advice to you all 😊

Your advice is always most welcome on here Teens you are so honest and direct. I love that

Oliking so many similarities between us. How did things end between you two? Maybe they like the challenge I'm not sure. My NC puzzles me on a weekly basis. I've refused a lot of activities where he would have been present but I now feel ready to meet up to see where he's at. It will be in a public space where nothing can happen but I can read him very well so it will go one way or the other.

Hey, just read through the messages. Sending love to you all. Teens glad it went ok with your son, what an arse you NC, my NC hasn't after my kids at all, yet when he left he said he felt like they were his own. I know he's probably not thinking about them, because it hurts but still makes me sad, as they are really missing him and want him to come back when he's better.

I start my NC again today I'm not giving in this time, he needs to get better and I'm not included in that process, so best focus on me and the kids and finishing uni this year. We still have stuff to sort out, so I know I'll hear from him at some point but for now it can wait. Sorry that turned into a rant..

oldbrook said " I’ve learned that if a situation is confusing or you’re getting mixed messsges you owe it to yourself to bow out as it will never get better. "

You are 100% right with this !

As regards the "guide" people sometimes come into our life for a reason but it doesn't meant to say they have a permanent place in our life . Maybe I said this before ? It makes me cry though when I think that .

Feeling a bit bluuurrghhh as I often saw him on a Saturday which makes me think "Does he miss me ? " and YEAH I have to read that bit on my phone - He WILL miss me the person who was his number one fan !!

Ok ladies I am on the train off to my date... Wishing that I was on the train to meet NC instead 🙁

teens glad the op went ok and well done on deleting his number . That takes guts but this week you saw that he gave you no real support . It's all on his terms and time x

seshi just try to enjoy it - even if you view it as a diversion ..x

It's funny how that one straw can break the camel's back isn't it. Glad you've seen the light Teens and that your son is doing ok.

Hope your date goes ok Seshi - it doesn't have to be your next great love, it's just you getting out there and living your life.

Hope everyone has a relaxing weekend. Luckily for me, it's one time I didn't expect to see my NC so I'm used to filling my time without him. Keeping on keeping on...

@my thank you so much... Yes its a distraction... I am determined to get out and about and not sit around moping... Desperately trying to trust in the universe. What does everyone else do for distraction... Aside from old? One thing that I do struggle with is sitting down with the TV... It's like my concentration has gone.... Anyone else had this?

Yes seshi can't watch tv, have no concentration and no patience to watch full programme, can't relax much

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5
Things have just kind of stopped he called last in mid January after a few weeks of him basically ghosting me. The conversation was both frustrating and satifying in equal parts really. I've not texted or anything as he indicated he wanted space. To be honest i think he may have blocked my number but not entirely sure. He did say he wasn't or hadn't ditched me? But it feels as though he wants me to just go away without actually saying it. I plan to text him for his birthday from my new work number and if i don't get any response i will have to just let it go. I would really like to speak with him again though as i have a need get some closure from this i feel to move on.

NK good luck with the meet up. I hope it goes the way you want.

teens and seshi completely lost my concentration during the time I was seeing him - my head was just full of him and messaging him and seeing him . Trying to get it back now - can watch TV stuff to an extent but unable to read as yet . My distraction is exercise and walking and being on here reading about other people's problems !

OMG!! Offred just posted this link on another thread. I only got half way through it and had to post it here! Going back to finish reading it now

teens just popped in to see how yr ds is? sounds like he is doing great!
what a
as for your NC - i am sorry hes been so shitty but glad you feel you can simply (if only!) 'delete' him now.
I was a bit stunned that DOM failed to respond over my last Op.
But when it involves your kids I think some 'inner tiger' takes over and you just say: 'enough!'
That was the thing that made me lose all feeling for exH - not him being a hopeless H but being a pretty inadequate Dad.
I hope you ds continues to recover and you find it okay enough to stay NC. (((9)))

seshi hope the date goes well.xxx

its the weekend so i've had horrible convos with exH as ever and a frustrating sesh with OT this am so i am going to grab an hours nap!

I put this on the last thread, but here it is again for any newbies:

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson

1. I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost … I am hopeless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

1. I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in the same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

1. I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in … it’s a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

1. I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

1. I walk down another street.

Feel I may be torturing myself watching 'He's just not that into you' in my pyjamas after eating junk food all afternoon.