NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

Morning all. Welcome mrsG, your situation sounds really hard, big hugs to you. ravens hope you have a fab weekend.

Am still chuckling to myself about my dignity and restraint going up the wazoo, and it's so much more freeing than berating myself for it. It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. And laughter is very good for healingl

I'm having trouble keeping up with the thread. I caved last night after wine so back to day 1 with me.

mrsG ignore me if it's a bit off the NC topic but I'm wondering if there's really nothing that can be changed at home. I guess it's hard to know how you can end things with the guy at work if the pain and loneliness at home (that led you into the relationship in the first place) doesn't change. It sounds just awful to be living with someone you have no love with, it's just not OK to expect yourself to live like that. I appreciate it must be hugely challenging in many ways to care for your child with disabilities, but i'm wondering if there might be ways of organising things that you haven't thought of yet because you feel so low and trapped. Apologies if I'm being patronising, I just hate to think of you feeling trapped that way. Does your Hair know how miserable you are?

(H, not hair! My bloody phone ffs!)

Morning ladies.... How are we all? I am a day behind so need to catch up...but have seen that a few of you are having feelings of regressing after the first few weeks of feeling strong in NC..
I certainly felt / feel like this. Well my NC phoned me yesterday...3 times. Tuned put the reason my WhatsApp message wasn't delivered is because he has accidentally wiped all data off his phone and can't access anything or make calls. He called me from his work mates phone. He wanted to know if I could help him as I have all his passwords.... So essentially be needed something... I was always doing stuff like this for him. I used to help him out in so many ways. He then phoned me and said his phone was going to be at the shop getting sorted so he would not be available until later on today. He also asked about kasabian and said so are we going then?

So I am feeling very confused and all my love for him has stirred up again. I am afraid to say that last night I stayed home alone and drank a whole bottle of wine and listening to our songs... I am such a sad twat!!!!!! I am meant to be going on a date today with a new guy who I met old but don't even know of I can be bothered...

Oh god

seshi could there be a reason ( other than he wiped all the data off his phone ) that he had to use a friend's phone ? I was wondering if his partner is monitoring his phone ? Sorry but I am just very suspicious of men ....or is it just me ?

Day 7 here, get through this and it will be a whole week.

Does anyone else experience times where they feel almost certain NC will be in touch with you that day? Because you think they must be feeling it too, and because you know their patterns and routines so then would be a typical time for them to be able to get in touch outside of family time etc. I had that intensely on Wednesday, spent the entire day fidgeting and picking up my phone to check for something but nothing was there.

MrsG I could totally relate to what you said about wanting the mundane with this man, watching tv and making dinner. It's hard to reconcile when you know life would simply be better, not as a naive grass is greener approach, just understanding that you are best suited. Why can't they see this too? Why haven't they got the balls to be happy?

@Bloody how are you my lovely? I have no doubt that he has wiped his phone... He was always breaking or losing them when we were together. He's probably gutted that he's lost all of his POF conquests!! This is the thing... He probably only contacted me as he was desperate... Or would he have done? I don't know. I was going to ask him of he wants to meet up this weekend but on reflection I am not going to suggest anything until the gig. @oldbrook... I am going to buy that book men love bitches as well... Is it good? @teens how is your DS? @anxious @nk @ravens how are you doing?
Hello to all the new people... There is no judging on here... Just fab support

The bitches book - there is quite a good "Look inside it " On the Amazon page

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B06XYWK8WQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

Thanks for asking seshi it is Day 29 . Just feeling a bit numb currently . One foot in front of the other - what else is there to do ? It was never meant to be but it is very hard to forget the huge physical and mental attraction we both had for each other . It's the classic - wrong time, wrong place. Best to get on as writing that has made me feel weepy .

Oh Mrs I do really feel for you. Sounds like a horrendous situation to be in. Have you checked what things you might be entitled to if you and your husband were to separate?

I know your NC says he loves you but I believe if someone truly loves us they would be willing to make a life with us.

@Bloody the physical attraction for me was immense so I really feel for you... But you are on day 29....thats amazing. One thing I have learnt is that we are all women with huge hearts and passion so this is not going to be a quick process. You are an amazing vivacious lady and you deserve so much... I am positive that you will meet somone who is worthy of you. I think for you as for many of you on here you know that they are probably missing you as well... And it's circumstances that have attributed to making it difficult for you to be together and that's hard...

God I wish we all lived near each other

@nk I agree with you... If somone really loves you they will move hell and high water... I know I would

Oliking nothing physical has happened with my NC either. In fact there have been no wild declarations of love either. He is an old ex from years ago.

I am going through a very tough time with work and waiting on mediation with H. NC is a nice distraction for me. He makes me laugh, is inappropriate at times but mostly makes me smile. I've no idea what's in it for him. An ego boost perhaps.

Yes seshi I was willing to "have a go" at it despite all his numerous flaws and unsuitability .

Good morning everyone.

DS's OP went ok, we were back home at 5 PM and he's feeling ok .
I was worried about possible pain so went on a scrounge to nurse friends for cocodemol ..
One friends dropped them off to mine.
He's doing well this morning, saying pain is bearable and planning to go watch his team match later on today. I'm so impressed by him..

On the other note think on Wednesday I messaged my NC about my son's injury and upcoming ok, he read it all and not replied..

Last night just out of the blue I realised I want nothing to do with him ,after he showed no interest and no compassion . Any normal human beings would ask how's it going is everything ok and wishing speedy recovery..

So I sent him a message basically saying I always respected him and thought highly of him, but because he couldn't care less and showed no compassion to my son's I see he's not reciprocating respect therefore I'm just going to leave him to it and wishing him luck in future.

I deleted his number, I feel numb but I know myself: the easiest way to lose my love is to critisise my kids or show no compassion when they going through tough times.

Oldbrook did you leave your exH in the hope you would get with NC?

Theparting the sadness does come in waves. It's so normal. Try and sit with that sadness for a few days and be kind to yourself. It will pass.

Glad the weekend is going well Ravens

@teens the fact that he did not reply to a message regarding something so important is dispicable.... What a twat!! You have had such a rough time this week... You deserve at least some support. Sending you a hug...

I have the feeling that this is going to be the catalyst that finally rids you of anymore pain from him

Teens glad all went well with your son. Wow that's a huge move deleting his number. And you're right, for someone not to show compassion is huge. But from his perspective maybe he knows he can't offer you any thing and isn't replying because he wants you to move on. Or maybe he genuinely doesn't care. I'm glad you deleted though because he is weak and he doesn't deserve such a strong lady like you.

Seshi how are you feeling about the phone calls? I think you should go on the date!

Nothing really to update on me and NC. We are still in regular enough contact. Work is still awful but I'm looking for jobs and things between myself and H are okay.