NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

I love that Pink album too oldbrook

basseting i can’t help thinking Museum man is complicating you getting over DOM. He’s another bloke with issues. Telling you stuff now about years ago- making you question your past. You made decisions at the time based on the facts at the time. He’s now throwing new information in which is just messing with your head.
My Ex did this when justifying leaving my marriage - threw information in from 15 years ago he’d never told me. It was unfair (and turned out all rubbish anyway as he was actually having sn affair). I just can’t help thinking what you need is a fresh start and look forward (forgive me if I’m talking out of turn). I do get you want to tell your story in your book and he was part of it.

Ravens not talking out of turn at ALL. I am poor at judging and v grateful for any and all input ;)

He has harped on a LOT about how I 'left him' when in fact I was 18 (so, ahem, a looong time ago) and actually he sent me back.

I have explained I am devastated by DOM and I think he wants to fix that. Of course he cant. But yes some snippy stuff in with the support. (like when I said ''trusting you re book' he was 'wny now not then?'
I feel dopey now I've practically begged him to read the book. I am my own worst enemy!
Thank PUFF for you loverly lot!

Ladies, my efforts at NC AND my dignity just went right up the kazoo! But I'm so delighted by that phrase that I don't care!!! Happy weekend everyone!

Up the Kazoo?? Belonger??? (())

But you dont care! sounds good to me!

Belonger I'm off to see Red Sparrow, looks good I reckon! I have failed miserably today too, text my NC again to come and see the dog if he wants as I'm going out for a few hours. He refused said he is trying not to think about her as it upsets him too much, no mention of me just the dog! WTF I know he's got depression but always so selfish, depression is selfish and horrible

Start afresh tomorrow ffs haha

Hahahaha, wazoo!!!!

Oooops! sorry Wazoo (not sure which sounds ruder!)

Basseting fair play sending that card. I think it's hilarious!

Wazoo! Love It! I love Pink too thank you Oldbrook

Basseting Very funny that you sent the card! I hope it has brought a smug smile to your face

Teens how did things go today?

Ooh belonger how did it go?

Really tempted to message by NC but going to post here instead. I am having a night in and that is never good for me - I get too much time to think.

I was almost tempted to send him an "accidental" message about something random, but that is so obvious and silly. Time for me to grow up. I tried OLD but it is not ideal when you are feeling a bit vulnerable!

Yes squiggle the accidental message to some other bloke ?

I was so tempted, Bloody. But I figured even my NC, who is not always the sharpest tool, would figure that out!

Basseting imagining his face when he opens his card will make your week/month/year! I know we’re all supposed to rise above etc but I’m so glad you sent it

Going to listen to that Pink album - although I need to get my music sorted as I’m still on ex’s Amazon music account . Have swapped over Netflix, Amazon Prime, Sky etc so it’s already costing me a fortune each month just to be entertained at home without him!

I’m missing him today. Starting to forget how he felt, smelled and sounded etc as it’s been about a month, but still feel so sad when I think about the happy times.

Keep trying to remember how he spoke to me like shit, but it doesn’t feel like enough for me to be on my own and so sad now. I keep thinking if only I could wind it back and just stay calm and not bite when he was awful to me, I feel like I could have changed it. I know I wasn’t perfect either. He talked about us getting counselling together and maybe that could have fixed it? I don’t know. It’s too late now as he wouldn’t take me back anyway. And I know in my head he would never really change - even if he managed not to call me a cunt he would still be thinking it, but my broken heart still wishes it was different and I didn’t have to go through all this. Sorry rambling now.

I’ve been reading everyone’s updates and wishing you all love and luck.

Ladies, can I join you please? I’ve just written the most enormous essay to give you the whole scenario because I’m too scared to start a thread on my own (for fear of flaming and I’m incredibly low and emotionally vulnerable right now) but haven’t posted it because it seems very self- indulgent to interrupt your thread with my chapter and verse

It boils down to how do I extricate myself from an affair I’ve been having with a colleague when a) I don’t want it to end but it must b) I have to see him 3 days a week and work in the same team c) I feel totally heartbroken every time I see him and get sucked back in d) he can handle it much better than I can and can compartmentalise his home life from me and finally e) I can’t look for another job.

Without writing a whole essay, I think it’s relevant to tell you that I’ve been married for 20 years with DC. 1 of the DC has a severe disability that means they need constant attention and supervision. My DH and I have totally lost our marriage over the past 10 years. This isn’t an excuse for my behaviour just background and a contributory factor. My marriage is utterly dead and miserable but co-habiting and co-parenting seems like the only way we can make our family work on a practical level.

I can’t go NC because we have to work together but essentially I have to try and get it back to professional only and I’m failing miserably. I can’t seem to walk away from everything he’s come to mean to me. I feel like he’s been the one thing that’s sustained me this past year. I’ve allowed myself to derive nearly all my pleasure from him and created an absolutely terrible situation that I now find myself in. I’m sorry if I’m in the wrong place. Just need to get it out there and obvs have no one to talk to about this in real life.

^ that was the short version, honest

Is going a stupid idea?. You know it is

Hi MrsGrylls - whoa that sounds really hard given that you can’t do ANY of the things you’d normally be advised to do. Hope someone has some useful advice for you here, but in the meantime, welcome!

MrsGrylls read what you wrote :

" I can't seem to walk away from everything he’s come to mean to me "

From an article that I love called "Will he miss me? " this sentence " Most everything that I missed was my own projections" .

Is he actually bringing anything positive to your life other than the thrill and the sex ? Is there a future together for the two of you ? If no then it is only going to get more difficult as time goes past .

I understand what you are saying about working with him and that is extra difficult .

thinking of you teens and teens ds and wondering how it went? xXx

oldbrook yes it is a bad idea and yes you know that

myrelationship the starting to forget how he felt etc , believe it or not that is a good thing . It is on the road to recovery but yes I understand . My body betrays me in wanting my NC physically at times . It's not oyur fault that things broke down - it definitely takes two. It's just hard , very hard at times but it does get better .

bloody it doesn’t feel like there’s much thrill left and the sex whilst lovely has been very infrequent. I’ve stupidly allowed him to become my emotional support, the person I tell everything to, the person who makes me laugh and my reason to look forward to work. Life at home is miserable and whilst doing all we can for our DCs the relationship with my DH is utterly miserable and I’m very very lonely. If I weren’t so emotionally vulnerable I would never have allowed myself to get involved and nor would I have chosen my colleague to have a relationship with. I have accepted all sorts of bad behaviour from him and the fact that he’s openly told me he’s definitely not up for leaving his own relationship (even though he loves me) because I’m so desperate not to lose this one thing that has come to be my reason to get up in the morning. But it’s toxic. I have to walk away because I now know it has no future, at least not until his DC are grown

I now know it has no future, at least not until his DC are grown ? He has said this ?