NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

Thanks for the link too. So very true. Technology makes it so much harder.

Basseting I'm good today. How are you? What's the latest on your up?

Old I dont know? Am i being oversensitive?
He has said he was upset for years after, that I was 'the one'.
But he never told me at the time and chose to send me away (prob all he could do in circs but he didnt tell me). But he seems happily married now so I didnt think he had unfinished business with me.
For me I was very close to him back in the day. When we met at museum I was brave enough to tell him some of my horrible history and he was kind and appropriate so that forged a very strong current link for me. i NEED him to read the book. I dont know why but I need him to know all of it, and accept it in a way DOM didnt / exH cant?
as a friend only. but I can see that is a big ask. And he just keeps harking back to the past.

Basseting that is a strange convo with MF. Maybe he has a new in his bonnet. I wouldn't ignore him for a while personally.

oldbrook can't believe you saw him again! For it to not totally throw you is testament to how far you have come. I think the moments of delusion can come and go like a fog over us, but don't think you sound delusional at all.

ravens enjoy Switzerland and we'll done not texting.

NK glad you have that Friday feeling.

bloody are feeling happier today?

seshi is this whatsapp? is his profile pic still showing? If so, he hasn't blocked you. I hate that panic.

How is everyone else today? I am ok. I am determined to not stalk as last night I went way overboard and it only made me feel bad. As Oldbrook says, I have no new information regardless of what I think I can gather and it doesn't matter anyway. Both know where I am. I have been asked out on a date. RL not OLD. I kinda wish he had waited a few more weeks as I am a bit meh. Going to blast music now and get busy. Hope everyone has a great day/night

OldBrook
Yes I take your point re boundaries. always found them hard to judge!
Because we were close when young and because he knows some of hte people involved and made perceptive and supportive comments I have offered to share some pretty personal (non-sexual/romantic) stuff. He has accepted. But it is not 'standard friendship' I suppose?

OldBrook THANK YOU so much. Your comments are so helpful to me.

I also love the expression 'when the boundaries went up the wazoo'
.
I shall have that in the back of my mind for future entanglements!

Anxious definitely go on that date. It could be a lovely lift for you!

Basseting it sounds like MF was really hurt by you in the past. If you don't have any feelings for him I'd leave him be as he sounds really confused

NK not sure why?
He never told me at the time. I was homeless and wanted to live with him and he sent me away (practically it would have been hard for him).
But I know from my own experience and reading this thread that it is not so much 'what' happens as how it affects a person and clearly it stayed with him. I think my re-appearing and tell ing him my tale of woe has affected him tho I agree.

Hi everyone, flying visit here but wanted to see how everyone is getting on. Welcome new people and good luck on your NC!

Things a bit half and half with me bit if messaging yesterday after I made contact but as many of you have wisely observed there are No New Facts and things are no less unsatisfactory than before. But I'm calmer and more relaxed about letting it fizzle out again. NC rules ok!

basseting I agree with others that there's maybe a need to step back from museum guy for a while. Maybe take some time to think about why you need him to read and react a certain way to your memoir. I'm worried that you could end up being hurt that way. A counsellor might be a better person to share that with in the first instance, kind of safer to have stuff that makes you vulnerable held by someone who is experienced in that role, rather than a bloke you've hardly seen in years.

LOVE the idea of boundaries going up the wazoo!!

Belonger
Yes, here I am I getting defensive about 'whether I have hurt him in the past' (My paranoia NK not anything you said.x)
when what I should be thinking about is: how do I prevent getting hurt? how do I safeguard my needs? THANK YOU!!!.X

'Up the Wazoo' is the new code for boundaries/breaking NC!

As in: Day 10 is when NC is most likely to go Up The Wazoo'

Hi, new to the thread although Ive spent the past two days catching up on the entirety of this thread, it seemed like a really good source of support and resonated with me right now so thought I'd see if I could join in.

Currently on day 6 of no contact with someone Ive fallen madly for, who says they've fallen for me but has a wife and young child which complicated everything and means Ive ended up in this scenario.

So far NC has been straight forward, possibly too easy and that's probably because I haven't accepted that it's over, when I know he hasn't the balls to change anything so it has to be. I'm still living in denial of hope though I guess, and think about him constantly. It's only my extreme stubbornness that is meaning I won't get in touch with him first, but really don't know how I'll respond when he does get in touch with me.

Hi Fleece, tricky times

That seems to be the turning point - when hope dies! The day we accept that he isn’t going to call or that even if he did, it wouldn’t fix anything, just prolong the inevitable, that seems to be when it gets hard.

When you feel like contacting him or replying to his contact, post on here instead!

basseting(((((())))))))

I really understand the importance of having your story witnessed and received with understanding, it's so validating. I just doubt that he is the right person to receive such a very precious thing as your history. I'm glad that you have turned your attention to your own needs and safety, that is a great thing to do!

Lost a post from earlier due to patchy internet :

basseting I also feel that Museum Guy is maybe causing you more stress than he is helping ...it is easy to say things in hindsight and years after the event and let's not forget the situation with him and his wife ..as for his response hmmmmm....not very supportive really , is he ? I didn't like that "drama llama " comment .Can you maybe find an alternate outlet ? I understand that you have this shared history though.

up the wazoo love it !!

anxious I think I am just feeling a bit bitter now, bitter about life and my future - its the old toss up of "would I have been better not to have met him /been re awakened by him and now not be feeling like this " or the "I am glad I met him and had that experience with him " ( I am missing him like f*ck now especially the sex and adoration I got from him ) . The latter always seems to win out but of course am only missing the good times and not all the shit that went with it as well as the fact that he lied to me from Day One about being married.

I have on my phone screenshots of the "Will he miss me article ? " and I read it regularly - I WAS his number one fan ( although he didn't deserve it ) and he may just realise it now that it is too late .

Been stalking on WhatsApp too but no fear of me messaging !

Belonger I think i luffs you! xXx

Adjusts crown.

Bloody sorry, x posts
Yy re the drama llama comment. it made me cry, i told him.
he said: 'was just trying to lighten mood'.
I dont think he will gossip about what he knows already.
But he might not be able to respond in the way i need (evidence above!)
and I will find that so painful it is maybe not worth it.

re DOM i know exactly what you mean about 'would it have been better not to have been re-awakended/ missming him so much'.

I DID send the grey pubes b'day card to DOM just now btw.

To hell with Dignity (just this once). He will wince (he is so vain)

Hello ladies, shitty day stalking WhatsApp my NC hasn't been online since yesterday and now I'm worrying as he's suffering with depression, which makes this is the more complicated. Anyway I've booked cinemas tickets for one for tonight to get me out and not thinking about him. Hope you all have a fab Friday night

You know what Basseting I applaud you for sending that birthday card. We don't get very many of these perfect gotcha! Back Type moments in life, so why not take it when you can.

Enjoy the cinema curragh, I love going on my own to see a film. What are you going to see?