NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

Teens sorry your sons dad is being so crap. Sending my very best wishes for Friday, hope all goes well.

I'm feeling a bit flat today ... farmer occupied my headspace for the last few days but now that's all done and dusted my thoughts keep wandering back to NC. Doesn't help that I've no irons in the fire at all, nobody has caught my eye on tinder. And I've no plans for sat night when I'll be Dc free. And I'm skint. Sorry for the moan!

Ashamed to say I had a nosy at NCs new gf on fb today. I thought we'd have lots of mutual friends by now, as she met more and more of his friends, but no more at all. So then I thought maybe they're not together any more, but more likely they're so loved up they're spending all their time together, not with friends. Gah! Why am I even thinking about it?!

Don't despair of me, ladies, but I texted him today. Was in the area where he lives and an impulsive urge to contact him got the better of me. Damn. He eventually replied and we've exchanged a few friendly messages, but it's more coming from me, he's hesitant. I'm going to leave it now, hopefully having scratched that particular itch it will calm down again. A reminder of why NC is the best option for me.

Sorry your son's dad is being so useless teens, that's a lot to deal with on your own.

Hope your flatness passes soon parting. I can relate to that feeling, like something's missing sometimes. I wish I knew what it was, because I know my NC person isn't the answer, I don't think another person is the answer in my case. It's like I've got to find that missing something inside me, but sometimes I have absolutely no idea how to do that!

Update re kids dad: spoke to him this morning, he said he's coming to hospital on Friday and even transferred some money to my account, which is rare occasion.

So not everything is that bad afterall..

(on the plus side, even though I've contacted him I'm definitely being kinder to myself about it, and am much more calm about the prospect of not getting a reply. I must remind myself how far I've come, because this really is different from how I used to be with this particular guy)

teens glad his dad is stepping up somewhat. Wishing your son best of luck for Fri. Will be thinking of you / him.

parting sorry to hear you are feeling flat. I hope it passes.

belonger don't be too hard on yourself. We've all been there, sometimes the urge just gets too much to avoid.

I now feel totally over my nc. Not saying this to be smug, just that it is possible. I also had a date which was nice. Not sure if it will lead to anything but I felt ready and it felt good.

I hope everyone else is having a strong day.

Lovely to hear from you itsa and to have that positive update - it's really good to be reminded that this stuff does eventually pass!

Good news Teens! Glad he has stepped up.

Well done for recognising how far you've come Belonger, its a big step to calm about him not responding. Looks like you are weaning off him even if not totally cold turkey!

Bloody, yes I am finding life very empty without him because he was the focus of everything. Even my working day, I work at home so have flexibility and he would only need to send me a message saying "Lunch?" and I would drop everything and rush over to meet him. Every time I would say to myself, "no, don't be so available, if he hasn't asked you the day before and then actually remembered say no" but then the text would ping and like Pavlov's dogs I'd be there.

Similarly at the weekend, he would say he wanted to catch up at some point, lets talk and I'd hang around thinking I'd see him later. It would usually turn out that he'd spent the day with his brother and then I'd be invited over as an afterthought. I spent my life waiting for him to come back! Every week I got a three evenings with him and then the rest of the week I was in limbo waiting for Sunday evening again.

I need to fill my days so that once my DCs start spending nights at their dads again in a few weeks I'm not totally lost.

itsa, that's inspiring for those of us who are still struggling!

teens glad DS's son is now coming on Friday. Hope you are both ok. Not what you planned for your week off.

theparting myrelationship sorry you are feeling that way. I had a look on tinder too. I am not looking for anyone really but wanted a distraction. I think the key is to not need the contact so that when someone comes along they are not filling a hole. They are just an added bonus.
As belonger said, something is missing too but don't think I will find it on OLD. Belonger, glad you can recognise the improvement to your reaction. I would do that whole fb analysis too and try to read what it meant.
itsa lovely to hear from you, especially as so positive.

Those doing OLD - yes it is a bit of a of a distraction but to be honest there are so many crackpots out there that it makes my NC look sane and sensible .

I've had a really bad time this afternoon as I saw his car when I drove past a cafe today and yes I circled round again for another look. I could have had reason to go right down that street but at least I resisted that ! I wanted him to see my car and maybe get a glimpse of him - pathetic. I was quite calm though to be fair . However it meant though that I have spent practically the whole of a film I went to see with a friend thinking about times with him - not the bad stuff OF COURSE , the sex we had and the things he used to say to me . I need to read my yellow post it list . I also had a good cry in the car park in my car - couldn't even wait to get home . If I am like this now what am I going to be like when I come face to face with him ?

Thanks Anxious. I've been ranting about work to anyone that will listen. H has been great I have to say despite his anger towards me.

How is your new place User? Good to see you back.

Yes Bloody he has taken up too much headspace the last 6 months. If he wants me he knows where I am. He injured himself the other day and I haven't even checked on him. I had a tooth infection a while back and he never checked up on me so he can go swivel.

Belonger I don't despair of you at all. I think you've been remarkably restrained.

Sorry you're feeling à bit ugh Theparting

Teens I'm so glad your exH is stepping up.

Itsa you are my heroine. How long are you NC?

My that empty feeling is the worst

Wow! only away a day and a bit and 200 posts!

Seshi I love the Nikita Gill quote:
"I cannot stress this enough, you live for yourself first. He is a secondary character in the story of your life. Do not allow him to turn you into a secondary character in your own book."

LOVE THAT!

Well i had a hell of a day y'day. 6 hour round trip to hosp to speak to surgeon about upcoming Op. As I got off the train school phoned to say: we are closing as staff need to get home re weather so pls collect your kids' I explained I was 170m away and could not. They said the kids could be minded by the school cook for an hour or so. In the end exH had to leave his work and drive 50m to get them. Stressful! The Op would be biggish and has a mortality rate of 1:500. They wanted to do it next Friday. I've asked for time to think about it.

Even with all that crap going on, I thought of DOM (last time I was at this hosp I had a very difficult day and he was amazing and phoned/texted all day and got me through it. This time he didnt even reply. So I was in tears at times y'day and they were partly re kids/Op but also re him. FFS I need to give myself such a slap!

Basseting do you mean to say you text him to tell him about the gravity of the òp and he didn't reply?

I just want to give you a big hug

NK no, not about the Op. Just about the probs getting there and the school shutting and stuff. I think he feels powerless to help so doesnt reply / see the need to reply as he cant add anything? (though a 'hope all well / good luck' would surely be appreciated!)

I dont want to tell him about the 'big Op' as I felt so upset he didnt reply to news of the small foot one. I think I have to protect myself by not telling him?

(thank you for nice hug wishes. i could do with one! .x)

So much "other" stuff happening in people's lives - they just make us feel worse about NC I think .

I have this app on my phone . Used to use the breathing one a lot when I was stressed . The moving scenes - Lake, fire etc - going to have a go with those in trying to remove head chatter !

Basseting regardless of whether he can help or not it's common manners to reply. Do you think he has ghosted you or is this normal behaviour for you?
I hope you are okay you sound very overloaded

Hmmmm...

Oh that is so so true Bloody

basseting it really isn't you that needs the slap!

Good luck making your decision about the operation, it sounds a big thing to have to decide.

Sorry about your encounter with his car, can totally understand how unsettling that must have been. Not pathetic to be affected at all, just human. It will get a bit easier each time something like that happens I'm sure. Keep going, you're doing so well. Give yourself a big hug for getting through it.

(last post aimed at bloody!)