NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

@Teens: your poor ds. Hope goes well on op day.

@anxious: Maybe another thing we can all try to do is name something you have done for yourself each day. As simple as a nice soak or painting nails etc.
Yeah that's a great idea. It's those victories that may seem quite small, but actually....

I realised that now that my life's in tatters, the only one who can build it up is me. Constant I love that! And yes, a little bit of self care each day to provide us with the love we think we need to get from someone else

Saved that pic anxious - fantastic.

teens all best wishes for tomorrow for your DS . Try not to worry x

@MyRelationshipIsWeird
Thanks . That was my own quote. And a little bit of self care each day to provide us with the love we think we need to get from someone else : yes! The trick is -i think - to find happiness within. For me even realising that I had an actual choice to do or NOT do something was amazing. I realise this sounds quite pathetic but when you've lived your life focused on others, it becomes difficult to do things YOU like/want.

Hi all, I finally have internet (as opposed to my useless phone).
Great to see some newbies here, and also some familiar names.
Gonna try and read the last 20 pages to see where everyone is at.
Keep strong ladies!

@constant that's what I am striving to do... It really is the only way! @anxious another lovely quote for me to fall asleep thinking about x

teens good luck with DS's op if it goes ahead today xx

Day 13 NC. 13 is usually lucky for me so let’s hope today is good! Morning everyone

mygast Glad the move went ok
good luck with the operation teens

Morning everyone

oldbrook " It's all small fry in the scheme of things but a reminder that for all our good times there was never once a time over the past year when I was sure of where I stood or where he was consistent in his behaviour." this is a very valuable point you make here and am sure it applies to a lot of us

Day 26 for me . I feel it is well and truly over now . NC is not going to come knocking on my door and throwing himself at my mercy . My yellow post it in the corner is reminding me of the bad things about him and they are very bad. The blinkers have fallen from my eyes . I still think of him of course and had a good cry last night .

Hope everyone has a good day x

That's funny you say that Oldbrook myself and NC split first time around after 18 months! I'm actually not thinking about him much at all. Work and life in general has taken over. I'm not sure if I care if I ever hear from him again. So many emotions going on in my head

That is do interesting about the 18 months oldbrook I keep saying the part about 'No new facts to myself.
Our own overthinking makes us sad. Accepting the situation.
NK hope you have a better day at work today. Do you have anyone there to rant it out too?
Another great quote belonger thank you
Well done on day 26 bloody
teens let us know if op goes ahead. Hope you and DS are ok.
Hope everyone has a better day today! Remember to try and do something to make yourself feel better. I have a bit more time this morning to get ready before work as going in late so that's my treat.

Morning everyone.

Just had a call from the hospital and operation is postponed until Friday .
Too late for him to go training or to college for 1 lesson today so he's home , back to sleep.
Good thing I have a week off work, admittedly booked for different important reason but I'm managing time wise.

Any other time I maybe would be unable to..for example on 28th feb I had to turn up to work , irrespective of snow , rain or any other adverse condition.

I'm just so numb about indifference of others to it..DS dad knew we're in hospital yesterday so he texted to ask what's happening. I replied saying operation is scheduled for tomorrow. His response was OK
!!?? Had no call from him later on , no further texts he's not even asking about details.

You ladies here show more compassion and care then bloody men in my RL.

teens oh dear hope your DS op goes ok ? and yes his dad sounds a bit . . ... lacking in compassion for his son ? (AKA hopeless!)
oldbrook How are you doing? its been awful and cold here - had the heater on before!
Finally got my internet connected in my new place! (moved last week). So good being online again.

I'm beginning to realise how much of my life I was wasting - waiting on him messaging, waiting for the right time to message him , waiting to see him , wondering what he was up to when I wasn't with him , second guessing what he was thinking or doing or meaning ....this is not what a relationship is about . I lost my focus and appetite for other things in my life . I dropped out of a project I was involved in because I couldn't concentrate . Does this apply to anyone else ?

I would rather be on my own as I am currently and give my love to myself . He didn't deserve it .

Oh yes bloody me too. My work suffered too, which I really regret. But got a much clearer head now. I'm finding my thoughts turning more often to what goals I want to achieve,not huge ones but just looking forward to things I want to do. My head was too taken up with 'relationship management' before!

Bloody
Yes, used to give him way too much headspace and even now but definitely less than 3 months ago.
My work and other things didn't suffer probably because I wanted to be the best version of myself in his eyes, although I think he is prone to" saviour mentality" I could use it to my advantage but it's risky and I'm a risk averse person..

My social life didn't suffer either because I think I went into mental competition with him: look at me my life is so varied and fun, not worse than yours

But my dating life stopped and I wasted all that time on him when I could date and find someone more suitable..well I'm still not there with that objective , wasted lots time on dates that didn't lead anywhere..

Hello, I hope you don't mind me joining your discussion. Netmums emailed me to say I'd been mentioned in a topic but I think it was a duplicate user name. I read your posts with interest, and empathy, and love your humour and spirit, what a great group!! I wish I'd known you were here when I was going through something similar!!

A couple of posts mentioned wanting help with 'moving on' and it was 'nice to get off the subject' and I would really like to offer a solution that came from my experience of finding out how to 'move on and find me again' (it lasted 20 years!!). If you are interested (no prob if not), I'm offering a free download called 'Oxygen' to help with areas like these (and more), to connected your focus back to yourself and be in life in a more present way to you. It lasts 4 weeks with relaxing audios to help sleep, and ways to 'Soothe your Wobbles'. Site is here (www.innersynergy.co.uk) - would be great to connect with you. Take care and keep smiling ladies. Jo x