NC Dignity Club part 8: still wearing our crowns

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hopefully nobody else has started a thread, if so feel free to ignore this one

Thank goodness - another day ticked off ! Have veered from anger to sentimentality to blah today !

ravens although our NC's are different, the lead up is similar. My H hurt us so beyond badly. I found it very hard to trust. NC recognised this and promised he never would and that even if we ended somehow we would still be friends as he could never un-care. Sorry you are hurting so much. It does honestly get better. Stick with it and us
nk glad you are ok.
seshi you still have your crown lovely.
bloody Amen! Hope tomorrow is better for you
Hope everyone who has struggled today wakes feeling more positive.
Going to watch a film with my biggest boy.

Thank you anxious and bloody

Oldbrook I have people I can chit chat to but obviously.nobody that I get the same buzz off when I receive a message.

Ravens and Anxious it was so brave of you both to open up your hearts to someone else after being hurt by your H's. People that come into your life, make false promises and then trample all over your heart don't deserve you.

oldbrook I get what you mean about missing the chat . My NC filled many hours of my evenings at times due to the nature of his job . We were able to sit and chat for 3 or 4 hours at a time.

I do have friends though who come online in the evening as have lived in a few different places and we tend to catch up in this way and am in a couple of "group chats " . They are physically distant from me though . I do find though that I have to make an effort with this in that I actively message people and people DO respond but not always at the same time .

Its Day 25 for me . Thought a lot about him last night as I knew he would be at a specific event and we would have met up after that at times. I could see him online at the same time as me last night and just wanted him to message me. He didn't.

Morning Day 12 here we go!

Day 2 here. I'm moving today so no headspace for NC....hope it lasts

Good luck everyone !

Everyone seems very determined today. We can do this ladies

Let's try and focus on something nice. What are you looking for in your next relationship:
Mine is very simple: Fit, funny and kind

Connection is so important Oldbrook

Morning all, day 15 for me today. Still a little bit wobbly but not as bad as yesterday. Got a cold and sinus pain which isn't helping.

Have a good day everyone

Good luck with the move mygast!

@Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname No we weren't married. No counselling on NHS in my area. Has to be paid for. Can't afford it. Not financially ok at all really. He avoids the CMS and gets away with it. I'm disabled so have no choice but to claim disability benefits. Yeah I presume he's back at his Mums in one area or back with his girlfriend again in a neighbouring town.

Do whatever is kindest to you, oldbook. If seeing things on smaller hurts, then get rid of them. You must put you first!

Smaller?? That was meant to be sm!

mother sorry there's no counselling available, it's very unusual for a gp to not offer it at all.

What kind of help are you looking for? Is it that you want support with not trying to contact him?

Some interesting stuff here about 'chemistry'...
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/getting-stuck-on-chemistry/

Well NC hasn't even wished me luck on moving today so that's strengthening my resolve.

Good and bad then Gast! Hope it goes smoothly and that your new start helps you move on emotionally.

Thanks for the chemistry article Belonger - so true that NC and I have little in common when it comes to values and morals. It was all about he sexual chemistry. Annoying thing is I had stated what was important to me on my POF profile, so stupidly assumed that he would think ‘yeah that sounds like me’ whereas he took the basics of “I’m not into designer clothes etc” and thought he’d wear a plain shirt on our date, when in reality he’s all about impressing other people with what he owns.

Love all the fantasies - mine is that he knocks at the door in a few months, as he has hinted that he will do, to collect a couple of bits he left here. He’ll be hoping I remark on his weight loss and new car whereas I will just be polite and tell him his stuff is in the bin.

When he points out how much he has ‘changed’ I’ll say “I loved you when you drove that crappy old VW and I loved you when you were 17 stone. I’m not impressed by the changes you’ve made because none of that is important to me. But if you’d ever listened to me you’d know that” and shut the door in his smug face.

I tried the Codependency group last night but I’m not sure it’s for me. It’s very AA centric so a lot of rules about what you can and can’t say, very ‘tradition’ based and formulaic, but I can see why it works for people with very extreme issues.

Interestingly one of the tenets is not to advise or help others because I guess that tendency we all have, trying to fix broken people, can be detrimental to our own recovery. It made me think of this thread and the fact that it’s a bit “blind leading the blind”!! We’re all dependent on each other affirming how well we’re doing, when in reality we’re all fighting the same battles and just feeling our way! Anyway, I’m glad for a bit of feedback from others, even if we are all in the same pickle!

I’ve found a friend to come with me to the show I had tickets for, so I can now look forward to it. He had become the centre of my world, the one I did everything with. It was too much pressure for him I think.